Monthly Archives: June 2017

16 anti-Tory election posters for you to share

We asked you to make anti-Tory election posters and wow did you deliver. Here’s 16 of the best – all with individual Facebook share links so you can share them to cause maximum trouble.

So get sharing!

1.


Share on Facebook – poster by Smallbrainfield.

2.


Share on Facebook – poster by Barbarossa.

3.


Share on Facebook – poster by HappyToast.

4.


Share on Facebook – poster by S4RK.

5.


Share on Facebook – poster by Tribs.

6.


Share on Facebook – poster by Wrecked Tums.

7.


Share on Facebook – poster by monkeon.

8.


Share on Facebook – poster by Barbarossa.

9.


Share on Facebook – poster by mikenco.

10.


Share on Facebook – poster by vbloke.

11.


Share on Facebook – poster by blugg.

12.


Share on Facebook – poster by MrDoucheBags.

13.


Share on Facebook – poster by S4RK.

14.


Share on Facebook – poster by Q4nobody.

15.


Share on Facebook – poster by S4RK.

16. And finally our title image, repeated so you can get the sharing link


Share on Facebook – poster by Bounder.

And images from our Anti-Tory Election Poster and Make Corbyn electable challenge.

Well done to everyone who took part and now let’s share those posters!

“Fake newsletter! Sad!”

This Week:

  • THERESA MAT BOT – Better than the real thing
  • SURVEY RESULTS – Why people unfriend on Facebook?
  • JOHN NOAKES – Photoshop tributes

    B3ta email 675 – 02 Jun 2017

    Read this issue to your mum, she’ll like it:
    http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue675

    Friend b3ta on Facebook:
    https://www.facebook.com/b3tan


    : SPONSORED LINK
    HebTroCo – British Made To Last

    Proper Trousers, Boots and Belts made here out of proper stuff, Guaranteed for life.

    Ed and brant went to the pub and even though they had no previous experience, they somehow decided to start a trouser company. They launched on Kickstarter and sold 176 pairs of trousers in five hours. That was about a year and a bit ago, and they’ve now got British made boots and belts and lots of different trousers too.
    https://www.facebook.com/hebtroco
    http://www.hebtro.co

    BTW: These guys are old B3tans who’ve been reading the site for years. Have a look at their trousers. Go on.


    : THERESA MAY BOT 2.0

    So Theresa is hiding from the media and the public because she’s frankly not very good at public engagement and also needs to spend her time thinking about Brexit.

    So we thought we’d make a bot to speak FOR her. Any media outlets who need an interview then just get on Twitter and chat to her. Job done.
    https://twitter.com/theresa_may_bot


    : TRIVIAL REASONS FOR UNFRIENDING ON SOCIAL MEDIA
    A survey of you lot

    We asked you to tell us reasons you unfollowed people on social media. 250 of you answered and we picked the best.

  • “Seemed appropriate after the divorce”
  • “You won’t see this in the MSM, but..”
  • “They had a smug username”
  • “Having a harry potter themed wedding”
  • “Too many tweets about Porcupine Tree” Read them all:
    http://b3ta.com/blog/unfriending-people-for-trivial-reasons/


    : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
    Other than making sweet sweet linky love

  • DAVID ‘SALAD FINGERS’ FIRTH’S LATEST – it’s called ‘Cream’ and it’s great.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UgiJPnwtQU&

  • HOLLYWOOD MOVIES, IN A WEST COUNTRY ACCENT – DefyingDarwin writes, “Look at my shiny sweaty face… I have hayfever, I can’t go outside, I AM BORED… I found a list of movie quotes… I can do a passable west country accent: this is the sum of all those things!”
    http://b3ta.com/links/1442610

  • KERMODE AND MAYO TO DO THE CLASSIC B3TA QUO – DinivanX writes, “Yas! I Got Kermode and Mayo to Do the Classic B3ta Quo Pose”
    http://b3ta.com/links/1442391


    : LISTEN TO ASHENS PODCAST

    Old B3tan Ashen is now a super popular youtuber with 1.2 million subs. Wow. Anyway his latest project is a podcast. He writes, “There’s nothing more depressing than watching a bad sequel to a film you love. Allow the Sequelisers to alleviate your pain – it’s a fun podcast where two teams pitch ideas for fixing bad sequels to good movies.”
    https://www.sequelisers.com


    : ROGER MOORE GIF TRIBUTE

    This hearse doing a corkscrew jump is the animated gif tribute to Roger Moore you were waiting to see, such a short little thing but absolutely perfect – we’ve been watching it on a loop
    http://b3ta.com/blog/hearse-corkscrew-jump/


    : THREE B3TA PHOTOSHOPS TO REMEMBER JOHN NOAKES

  • The B3tans have been paying tribute to the sadly departed John Noakes and it’s making us emotional
    http://b3ta.com/blog/three-best-b3ta-photoshops-to-remember-john-noakes-by/


    : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEETELS DR PEPPER

  • 50 this week and old B3tan Chris Shaw has bee researching all the pics that made the ciover.
    http://sgtpepperphotos.wordpress.com #SgtPepper50

  • BONUS: Paul chats up a photographer at the Sgt Pepper launch party. Linda Eastman later became Mrs McCartney.
    https://twitter.com/ChrisShawEditor/status/870182112497987584


    : PLEASED TO GET A SHOUT OUT FROM TOM WATSON
    Deputy Leader of Labout calls b3ta “old”
    “Good old b3ta. Genius, as ever.” writes Tom Watson MP.
    https://twitter.com/tom_watson/status/869957969097535490


    : SITES IN BRIEF
    You know… links

  • STRONG HEADLINE WORK FROM @LRB – “Who’s the real cunt? by Andrew O’Hagan” – on The Daily Mail and Paul Dacre.
    https://www.lrb.co.uk/v39/n11/andrew-ohagan/whos-the-real-cunt

  • PICTURES OF OLD ROBOTS FROM THE 20s-30s, featuring pictures and video of old time robots, not in English but it doesn’t matter.
    https://www.ecofuture.cz/clanek/retro-pohled-do-dob-kdy-roboti-umeli-mluvit-kourit-nebo-hrat-golf

  • “BACK TAE THE FUTURE” – Back to the Future reimagined in Scottish.
    https://twitter.com/BackTaeTheToon

  • “TAINTED BUFFET AT JACKSONVILLE STRIP CLUB BLAMED AFTER SEVERE DIARRHEA INCIDENT ON STAGE” – our second headline of the week after the cunt one.
    http://www.borderherald.com/tainted-buffet-jacksonville-strip-club-blamed-severe-diarrhea-incident-stage/


    : QUESTION OF THE WEEK
    This week: Family Scandals
    What skeletons are there in your family’s collective cupboards? Asks enzyme. Tell us your shameful, scurrilous and generally regrettable family histories… for laughs
    http://b3ta.com/questions/Familyscandals


    : IMAGE CHALLENGE
    Anti Tory Election Posters

    Here’s the best images from last week:

  • TORY XP – Bigger version I done a load of anti-tory posters you can download and print here: www.toriesout.co.uk (spellingmistakescostlives)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11228006

  • PRETTY PLEASE – (HappyToast)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11228227

  • SCHLONG & MABEL – (Smallbrainfield)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11227975

  • See all the other images from the ‘Anti Tory Election Posters ‘ challenge:
    http://b3ta.com/challenge/antitory2017

    >> This week: 404 part 2 << We want you to come up with new ideas for the B3ta 404 (Page not found) message. We’ll take the best ones and use them on the site, so it’s your chance for a little bit of internet fame and immortality.
    http://b3ta.com/challenge/4042


    : SPONSORED LINK
    HebTroCo – British Made To Last

    Proper Trousers, Boots and Belts made here out of proper stuff, Guaranteed for life.

    Ed and brant went to the pub and even though they had no previous experience, they somehow decided to start a trouser company. They launched on Kickstarter and sold 176 pairs of trousers in five hours. That was about a year and a bit ago, and they’ve now got British made boots and belts and lots of different trousers too.
    https://www.facebook.com/hebtroco
    http://www.hebtro.co

    BTW: Yes we’re running the ad twice. Old B3tans. Click them please.


    Follow b3ta on Twitter:
    https://www.twitter.com/b3ta


    TOP TIP: IF YOUR LITTLE BROTHER IS DOING HIS ‘OH SO IMPORTANT’ GCSE COURSEWORK… – Access the autocorrect function in Word, and replace “Analysis” with “Anal Sex”. 9 times out of 10 they won’t notice until they’ve handed it in. (Furness)
    http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips


    REMEMBER: VOTE ON THURSDAY YOU CUNTS

  • 77 true (but sometimes trivial) reasons YOU have unfriended people on social media

    This tweet from @daviandent made us wonder YOUR reasons for unfriending people?

    So we made an anon form for you to tell the truth to.

    About 250 of you answered and here’s just 77 reasons we enjoyed and thought you might like to read.

    1. “Was using mobile app and pressed the wrong bit of the screen”
    2. “I unfriended someone for publicly spoiling the plot of Terry Pratchett’s last book, and not apologising”
    3. “I unfriended someone for not being able to spell publicly”
    4. “Saying they thought Alien vs Predator was good”
    5. “80% of my friends won’t answer this”
    6. “Kids aren’t perfect, but you’d think theirs were from their bloody feed”
    7. “Repeatedly posting events and asking people if they wanted to go, and then saying they can’t make it on the day. Every single time”
    8. “RTing any slight bit of praise, constantly”
    9. “Because of endless endless endless pictures of their kids/dinner/holiday”
    10. “You don’t need a new profile picture every day. Stop it”
    11. “Continuous canary posts, even the ones that are just obviously horse shit”
    12. “They played all the hashtag games that ever popped up on Twitter”
    13. “Someone kept posting pictures of their rancid, infected foot”
    14. “I unfollow when people whinge about being unfollowed. “That tweet about cats cost me 5 followers from cat-haters.” grow up”
    15. “I don’t care which Pokemon you just caught. And why are you still playing Pokemon go after the first day anyway?”
    16. “Decades long friend shared some Britain First shit. Instant unfollow and haven’t spoken to her since”
    17. “Checking into every bus they’ve ever been on”
    18. “Not recognising the difference between your and you’re. And yore”
    19. “Vegans”
    20. “Former colleagues, or even current colleagues who are just the dullest”
    21. “I mute actors etc when a new project comes out and they tweet about it endlessly. I understand they have to but so boring”
    22. “Never shutting the fuck up about Cross-fit”
    23. “Consistently awful ‘inspirational’ memes”
    24. “Terrible spelling”
    25. “Sly misogyny disguised as ‘banter'”
    26. “They changed their name to something wacky and I forgot who they were”
    27. “He allowed racist dialogue to carry on underneath his posts”
    28. “Auto sharing from Instagram – stop doing it you wankers”
    29. “Every time I put a picture up of a meat-based meal she would send me youtube videos of animals being slaughtered/mistreated. She was an angry vegan. It became a bit much”
    30. “Picture of a pube, presumably theirs”
    31. “They were irrelevant in person, let alone social media”
    32. “Sepia profile picture”
    33. “Those ambiguous pleas for help i.e. ‘Some days those who you thought were real friends show their true colours.’ Bellends”
    34. “Claiming every single item on the news was a false flag conspiracy”
    35. “He constantly posted pictures of his cooking and it looked shit”
    36. “Kept tagging me on dogging pages”
    37. “Moved to Crawley, married a man named Alan Partridge (no, really), and became a racist”
    38. “Constantly telling us she held a sign up saying Trump is a cunt”
    39. “Too many tweets about Porcupine Tree”
    40. “i’m doing a 3km sponsored smugathon round Victoria Park for dog charities. Please find it in your hearts to sponsor me and fluffy”
    41. “An American who filled my timeline with Game of Thrones spoilers before I got to watch it”
    42. “Replying to something I had retweeted, including me in an ill-considered conversation with the original author”
    43. “She became a wedding photographer and posted every job”
    44. “Kept tagging me in unfunny videos/pics from “lad” pages 15+ times a day, many of which weren’t really that funny in 2003 when I first saw them”
    45. “Overly frequent TMIĀ health updates with hashtags ‘oh no, not diarrhoea again #gastro #whyme #nomorekebabs'”
    46. “They simply would not shut up enough”
    47. “Not replying to tweets like they’re some sort of fucking celebrity”
    48. “I know most of you won’t bother sharing this but cancer”
    49. “Having a harry potter themed wedding”
    50. “Kept posting Robbie Williams videos”
    51. “For tweeting every time they cut the lawn.don’t want hear it”
    52. “They leapt on every idiotic viral tweet to insert themselves into the conversation and tell people off that they were bad. Boring”
    53. “They repeatedly invited me to level up a pig or something in a farming game. Like they seemed incensed that I didn’t do it the first time they polluted my feed”
    54. “Connecting Facebook with Spotify and sharing every song ever played”
    55. “They had a smug username”
    56. “Writing loads of shit poetry about how they have been let down by other people”
    57. “They genuinely didn’t know who Leonard Cohen was”
    58. “They had a baby, a new tattoo about the baby and started selling makeup whilst complaining about not having much money on maternity leave. All with horrible spelling”
    59. “Directly after my post, they began a reply to a friend in a 6-way conversation with “what he’s trying to say is.””
    60. “For telling me not to talk about politics”
    61. “A previously anonymous account posted a selfie and I realised I had hooked up with them on Grindr, and it was not a good experience”
    62. “I’ll follow this person as they seem to express right wing opinions without being a dick about it and I should escape the bubble. Oh. they’ve started sharing prison planet memes. Unfollow”
    63. “Too much vaguebooking, e.g. ‘sick of this shit’ or ‘people suck sometimes'”
    64. “Years of filling my timeline with his “just playing devil’s advocate” posts, followed by him making a disparaging comment about pigeons. That was the clincher”
    65. “They criticised the mastering of a tune I released”
    66. “You won’t see this in the MSM, but..”
    67. “He said that the film Gravity was trash. I love that film”
    68. “Wake up sheeple!”
    69. “Sick of seeing photos of their boobs disguised as an interestingly angled selfie”
    70. “He and his wife joined the Conservative Party and wouldn’t stop banging on about them. He shared every campaign post from every awful candidate he had befriended and I couldn’t stand all the smug photos”
    71. “Thought she’d get her tits out more often”
    72. “Parked like an asshat blocking my car in for hours”
    73. “Started out as a yoga account but kept tweeting as a trump supporter”
    74. “Because I found they worked for the DWP”
    75. “Seemed appropriate after the divorce”
    76. “Tagged her sister in dozens of memes every day, and they appeared in my newsfeed for some reason. Couldn’t change settings to stop seeing them”
    77. “Got really into Jesus and started posting about Obama being the Antichrist”

    via GIPHY

    Seeing as Theresa May won’t speak to the media we’ve made a bot to speak for her

    So Theresa is hiding from the media and the public because she’s frankly not very good at public engagement and also needs to spend her time thinking about Brexit.

    So we thought we’d make a bot to speak FOR her. Any media outlets who need an interview then just get on Twitter and chat to her. Job done.

    Our bot is over on Twitter at @theresa_may_bot.

    And here’s 8 times a Theresa May bot was MORE AVAILABLE and less robotic than the allegedly real Theresa May:

    1.

    2.

    3. She’s a sweary old thing – who knew?

    4. Strong views on celebs

    5. Controversial views on dead politicians

    6. But mostly sweary as fuck

    7. But it’s the replies is where you can join in:

    8. It even sorta makes a random kind of sense occasionally

    People are having long chats with her. Do make sure you join in.

    You can find her on Twitter at:
    https://twitter.com/theresa_may_bot.

    BTW: We made it by reusing our @clickbaitrobot and @swearclock framework and them combo-ing it with crowd sourced phrases from asking on Twitter. And with logos from @christhebarker AKA Dr Dunno. Hooray!