Category Archives: newsletter

“Fake newsletter! Sad!”

This Week:

  • THERESA MAT BOT – Better than the real thing
  • SURVEY RESULTS – Why people unfriend on Facebook?
  • JOHN NOAKES – Photoshop tributes

    B3ta email 675 – 02 Jun 2017

    Read this issue to your mum, she’ll like it:
    http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue675

    Friend b3ta on Facebook:
    https://www.facebook.com/b3tan


    : SPONSORED LINK
    HebTroCo – British Made To Last

    Proper Trousers, Boots and Belts made here out of proper stuff, Guaranteed for life.

    Ed and brant went to the pub and even though they had no previous experience, they somehow decided to start a trouser company. They launched on Kickstarter and sold 176 pairs of trousers in five hours. That was about a year and a bit ago, and they’ve now got British made boots and belts and lots of different trousers too.
    https://www.facebook.com/hebtroco
    http://www.hebtro.co

    BTW: These guys are old B3tans who’ve been reading the site for years. Have a look at their trousers. Go on.


    : THERESA MAY BOT 2.0

    So Theresa is hiding from the media and the public because she’s frankly not very good at public engagement and also needs to spend her time thinking about Brexit.

    So we thought we’d make a bot to speak FOR her. Any media outlets who need an interview then just get on Twitter and chat to her. Job done.
    https://twitter.com/theresa_may_bot


    : TRIVIAL REASONS FOR UNFRIENDING ON SOCIAL MEDIA
    A survey of you lot

    We asked you to tell us reasons you unfollowed people on social media. 250 of you answered and we picked the best.

  • “Seemed appropriate after the divorce”
  • “You won’t see this in the MSM, but..”
  • “They had a smug username”
  • “Having a harry potter themed wedding”
  • “Too many tweets about Porcupine Tree” Read them all:
    http://b3ta.com/blog/unfriending-people-for-trivial-reasons/


    : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
    Other than making sweet sweet linky love

  • DAVID ‘SALAD FINGERS’ FIRTH’S LATEST – it’s called ‘Cream’ and it’s great.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UgiJPnwtQU&

  • HOLLYWOOD MOVIES, IN A WEST COUNTRY ACCENT – DefyingDarwin writes, “Look at my shiny sweaty face… I have hayfever, I can’t go outside, I AM BORED… I found a list of movie quotes… I can do a passable west country accent: this is the sum of all those things!”
    http://b3ta.com/links/1442610

  • KERMODE AND MAYO TO DO THE CLASSIC B3TA QUO – DinivanX writes, “Yas! I Got Kermode and Mayo to Do the Classic B3ta Quo Pose”
    http://b3ta.com/links/1442391


    : LISTEN TO ASHENS PODCAST

    Old B3tan Ashen is now a super popular youtuber with 1.2 million subs. Wow. Anyway his latest project is a podcast. He writes, “There’s nothing more depressing than watching a bad sequel to a film you love. Allow the Sequelisers to alleviate your pain – it’s a fun podcast where two teams pitch ideas for fixing bad sequels to good movies.”
    https://www.sequelisers.com


    : ROGER MOORE GIF TRIBUTE

    This hearse doing a corkscrew jump is the animated gif tribute to Roger Moore you were waiting to see, such a short little thing but absolutely perfect – we’ve been watching it on a loop
    http://b3ta.com/blog/hearse-corkscrew-jump/


    : THREE B3TA PHOTOSHOPS TO REMEMBER JOHN NOAKES

  • The B3tans have been paying tribute to the sadly departed John Noakes and it’s making us emotional
    http://b3ta.com/blog/three-best-b3ta-photoshops-to-remember-john-noakes-by/


    : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEETELS DR PEPPER

  • 50 this week and old B3tan Chris Shaw has bee researching all the pics that made the ciover.
    http://sgtpepperphotos.wordpress.com #SgtPepper50

  • BONUS: Paul chats up a photographer at the Sgt Pepper launch party. Linda Eastman later became Mrs McCartney.
    https://twitter.com/ChrisShawEditor/status/870182112497987584


    : PLEASED TO GET A SHOUT OUT FROM TOM WATSON
    Deputy Leader of Labout calls b3ta “old”
    “Good old b3ta. Genius, as ever.” writes Tom Watson MP.
    https://twitter.com/tom_watson/status/869957969097535490


    : SITES IN BRIEF
    You know… links

  • STRONG HEADLINE WORK FROM @LRB – “Who’s the real cunt? by Andrew O’Hagan” – on The Daily Mail and Paul Dacre.
    https://www.lrb.co.uk/v39/n11/andrew-ohagan/whos-the-real-cunt

  • PICTURES OF OLD ROBOTS FROM THE 20s-30s, featuring pictures and video of old time robots, not in English but it doesn’t matter.
    https://www.ecofuture.cz/clanek/retro-pohled-do-dob-kdy-roboti-umeli-mluvit-kourit-nebo-hrat-golf

  • “BACK TAE THE FUTURE” – Back to the Future reimagined in Scottish.
    https://twitter.com/BackTaeTheToon

  • “TAINTED BUFFET AT JACKSONVILLE STRIP CLUB BLAMED AFTER SEVERE DIARRHEA INCIDENT ON STAGE” – our second headline of the week after the cunt one.
    http://www.borderherald.com/tainted-buffet-jacksonville-strip-club-blamed-severe-diarrhea-incident-stage/


    : QUESTION OF THE WEEK
    This week: Family Scandals
    What skeletons are there in your family’s collective cupboards? Asks enzyme. Tell us your shameful, scurrilous and generally regrettable family histories… for laughs
    http://b3ta.com/questions/Familyscandals


    : IMAGE CHALLENGE
    Anti Tory Election Posters

    Here’s the best images from last week:

  • TORY XP – Bigger version I done a load of anti-tory posters you can download and print here: www.toriesout.co.uk (spellingmistakescostlives)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11228006

  • PRETTY PLEASE – (HappyToast)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11228227

  • SCHLONG & MABEL – (Smallbrainfield)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11227975

  • See all the other images from the ‘Anti Tory Election Posters ‘ challenge:
    http://b3ta.com/challenge/antitory2017

    >> This week: 404 part 2 << We want you to come up with new ideas for the B3ta 404 (Page not found) message. We’ll take the best ones and use them on the site, so it’s your chance for a little bit of internet fame and immortality.
    http://b3ta.com/challenge/4042


    : SPONSORED LINK
    HebTroCo – British Made To Last

    Proper Trousers, Boots and Belts made here out of proper stuff, Guaranteed for life.

    Ed and brant went to the pub and even though they had no previous experience, they somehow decided to start a trouser company. They launched on Kickstarter and sold 176 pairs of trousers in five hours. That was about a year and a bit ago, and they’ve now got British made boots and belts and lots of different trousers too.
    https://www.facebook.com/hebtroco
    http://www.hebtro.co

    BTW: Yes we’re running the ad twice. Old B3tans. Click them please.


    Follow b3ta on Twitter:
    https://www.twitter.com/b3ta


    TOP TIP: IF YOUR LITTLE BROTHER IS DOING HIS ‘OH SO IMPORTANT’ GCSE COURSEWORK… – Access the autocorrect function in Word, and replace “Analysis” with “Anal Sex”. 9 times out of 10 they won’t notice until they’ve handed it in. (Furness)
    http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips


    REMEMBER: VOTE ON THURSDAY YOU CUNTS

  • Sponsored by Walkers Crisps – It’s the Official Fred West Fan Club Newsletter!

    This Week:

  • REMEMBERING MUNKT0N – with 2003 board invasion
  • IMAGE CHALLENGE – Anti tory posters
  • ROGER MOORE – Remembrance & nostalgia B3ta stlye

    B3ta email 674 – 26 May 2017

    Read this issue in your pants:
    http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue674

    Friend b3ta on Facebook:
    https://www.facebook.com/b3tan


    : HELLO NUMBER FOUR

    Delighted by the warm response our comeback has had & if you want to help there’s one thing we need: Facebook likes.

    The reality of modern publishing is you need a strong Facebook page to get stuff in front of people. We used to do this via newsletter.

    We’re absolutely going to continue the newsletter but we need a strong Facebook page. Like the fuck out of it. Now.
    https://www.facebook.com/b3tan


    : SPONSORED LINK
    Look at Them Shine – Garrick Theatre

    Feat: Sara Pascoe, Jason Byrne, Brian Gittins, Tom Allen, John Kearns

    A Comedy night, like Live In The Apollo without that dude in the wig Michael Macintyre telling you that you trust the fridge… WHO SAYS I TRUST THE FRIDGE? NOBODY! I DON’T TRUST ANYONE! LET ALONE THE FRIDGE.

    FUCK THE FRIDGE!
    http://www.rabbitrabbitcomedy.com/london/look-at-them-shine-june-13/

    BTW: No we were fibbing about being sponsored by Walkers Crisps. Sorry. Rabbit Rabbit comedy is our sponsor. Be nice to them and buy their tickets. Go on.


    : BYE ROGER MOORE
    Three way bye-bye from everyone at b3ta

  • BEST ROGER MOORE STORY YOU’LL EVER READ – It’s been a rotten week but this story about a chap meeting Roger Moore as a child and then again as an adult really lifted our mood and hopefully it’ll do the same for you. Thanks to Marc Haynes for sharing.
    http://b3ta.com/blog/simply-a-great-story-about-roger-moore-thatll-make-you-feel-good/

  • ROGER MOORE FLASH NOSTALGIA – Back in B3ta 55 we published Dan Chamber’s Flash animation about Roger Moore so today we got back in touch and asked him to get it on YouTube. It’s great – double nostalgia of old B3ta and the dearly departed Rog. And how’s Dan? He’s well, he’s still in animation and done loads of kids TV and adverts in the er… last 15 or so years since we last caught up. Yay.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W8a1CqSbI8

  • ROGER PHOTOSHOPS – Some Roger Moore tributes from our ob3tuaries challenge. Not the best possible taste but they were made with love.
    http://b3ta.com/challenge/ob3tuaries/


    : GIVE WEEBL YOUR FUCKING MONEY

    Jonti Picking, of badger badger badger fame wants your money. Patreon stuff init. He says “Making animations is not easy, quick or cheap so if you like what we do then your support REALLY helps and gives us the freedom to create the things you love, without compromising.” Go on, bung the old sausage 50p.
    https://www.patreon.com/mrweebl


    : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
    Other than making suspicious jam

  • ANDREW MARR WEATHER – @area writes, “My significant other has decreed that ‘The Andrew Marr Show’ is required viewing since we started dating. It didn’t take me long to realise what my favourite bit of it is, and as a result I’ve now started a Twitter account solely to document Andrew Marr introducing the weather forecast”
    https://twitter.com/SoToTheWeather

    We asked WHY they enjoyed this bit so much and area replied, ‘They’re just needlessly overwritten. He could just say “Here’s Louise with the weather”, but instead he says “It’s been a rather desolate, bone-aching and frankly soul-destroying week, meteorologically, and I wish I could think of something good to say about it. But I can’t. Over to Louise”.’

  • THERESA MAY ELECTION SONG – “I made another musical video, this time about Theresa May’s campaign strategy” writes the b3ta artist formerly known as giant_squid. We thought we’d hate this but it’s great.
    https://youtu.be/3Kjp5JxlGjs

  • ELECTION POSTERS – if you hadn’t noticed there’s an election on. “I been doing these anti-tory posters writes”, long term b3tan Darren Cullen AKA Spelling Mistakes Cost Lives, “I’ve been making anti-Tory propaganda you can download and print in your home, office, or local closed & dilapidated library.”
    https://www.spellingmistakescostlives.com/toriesout

  • HISTORY OF MUSIC – James Errington writes, “I’m making a mix of music / audio for every year since the start of sound recording. So far I’ve got up to 1890.”
    https://centuriesofsound.wordpress.com/2017/05/01/1890/


  • WALKERS CRISPS FUCK-UP Amazing screw up from Walkers – they allowed unmoderated photos into their official Twitter account and tweeting out videos of murderers & sex offenders. And of course we’ve saved the video so you can watch coz they obviously deleted all this shit ASAP.
    http://b3ta.com/blog/walkers-crisps-tweet-a-series-of-murderer-and-sex-offender-videos-in-fully-fledged-social-media-disaster/

  • BBC BROASDCAST BAD TASTE IAN BRADY RADIO QUIZ – Make sure you listen to this radio clip as a cheesy local radio host decided to commit career suicide by doing a jolly music quiz about Ian Brady. Unbelievable.
    http://b3ta.com/blog/ian-brady-local-radio-quiz/

    BTW: If anyone has a follow up on this story we’d like to know. BBC apologised & Nathan Turvey deleted account. But we’re still puzzled by it. It’s been forgotten in the horror of the week but still want to know why he did this. Not outraged. Fascinated. Weird thing to do in context of BBC local radio.


    : REMEMBERING MUNKT0N

    Old school b3tan Munkt0n of B3ta AND 4rthur fame sadly passed on this week but it prompted B3tans of 2003 vintage to stage a board invasion in tribute to the lovely old chap. It’s a fitting tribute and seeing all the old names puts a lump in our throat.
    http://b3ta.com/board/11226737


    : BEST IMAGES THIS WEEK
    All the good stuff from /board

  • “AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO, IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU MEDDLING 18-24 YEAR OLDS!” – (Artist: Q4nobody)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11227556

  • IMPORTANT GENERAL ELECTION INFO – this is getting loads of shares on Facebook and hopefully people understand it’s a gag rather than fake news. (Barbarossa)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11227991

  • “Post Manchester Bombing Social Media Immigration Discussion Bingo” – (Artist: Drimble)
    http://b3ta.com/blog/post-manchester-bombing-social-media-immigration-discussion-bingo/


    : IMAGE CHALLENGE
    This week: Anti Tory Election Posters

    Make some new election posters for the Conservative party. Bonus points for printing them off and sticking them up in public, like the internet anarchists you are.
    http://b3ta.com/challenge/antitory2017


    : SPONSORED LINK – THANKS B3TA – A REPEATED AD!
    Look at Them Shine – Garrick Theatre

    Feat: Sara Pascoe, Jason Byrne, Brian Gittins, Tom Allen, John Kearns

    A Comedy night, like Live In The Apollo without that dude in the wig Michael Macintyre telling you that you trust the fridge… WHO SAYS I TRUST THE FRIDGE? NOBODY! I DON’T TRUST ANYONE! LET ALONE THE FRIDGE.

    FUCK THE FRIDGE!
    http://www.rabbitrabbitcomedy.com/london/look-at-them-shine-june-13/


    : CREDIT
    Edited by Rob Manuel & David Stevenson.
    Newsletter subj by CanonCaliber & sock.


    Follow b3ta on Twitter:
    https://www.twitter.com/b3ta


    TOP TIP: NEED TO GET FROM MY HOUSE TO THE DOCTORS IN 3 MINS AT SCHOOL RUSH HOUR? – Go into Peterborough Road, right onto Canterbury Road, turn right onto Northway and dogleg across Aldershot Road down Beckingham Road, take a left into Grantley Road and follow Weston Road round. (NB: of limited use to most people on the board). (shavedchimp)
    http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

  • B3ta Newsletter 673 – “READ IT BEFORE THE TORIES BAN INTERNET WORDS”

    This Week:

  • JESUS IS A TORY -And we interviewed him
  • HOW CRIMINAL IS YOUR NAME? – Very, we imagine
  • IN PRIVATE EYE – For telling Murdoch to F. Off

    B3ta email 673 – 19 May 2017

    Read this issue via a internet bollock:
    http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue673

    Friend b3ta on Facebook – go on you bastards:
    https://www.facebook.com/b3tan


    : HELLO AGAIN x3

    Week three in the unlikely B3ta newsletter relaunch and we’ve sold an ad (yes, really), and been horribly overambitious again – interviewing Jesus so we’re late. Shit on a bollock. We want to be early. Anyway – on with the content people. It’s CONTENT TIME , but first a word from our sponsor:


    : KNIGHTMARE LIVE – 21st & 28th May
    Sponsored link – yes really, a good one too

    It is like the 1980s again: A tory landslide on the horizon and kids with buckets on their heads is entertainment. Get a shit hair cut and relive your childhood this week with a re-imagining of KNIGHTMARE TV show for the stage.
    https://myticket.co.uk/artists/knightmare-live

    Really – who would believe it? Back three weeks and we’ve sold an ad. Actually one that’s relevant to B3ta readers. KNIGHTMARE LIVE FFS! How good is that? Some some fucking tickets ok?


    : OFFICAL B3TA INTERVIEW WITH JESUS
    OK, ‘Tory’ Jesus

    Yep. Always bringing your exclusives we’re got an interview with Jesus. Yes, Jesus has risen again and he’s come back as a Tory, the fucking Tory arsehole. Make sure you read this – Tory Jesus is fucking brilliant.
    http://b3ta.com/blog/tory-jesus-twitter-account/


    : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING RECENTLY
    Amazing stuff – truly wonderful things

  • THE NAKED GUN RANDOM INTRO SEQUENCE GENERATOR – Monkeon has made a brilliant thing that plays random gifs in the style of the Naked Gun intro. Turn up the sound.
    http://www.monkeon.co.uk/nakedgun/

  • COMPUTER FUN – a great little visual gag from drivelsieve. Utterly charming.
    http://b3ta.com/links/Computer_fun

  • HOW CRIMINAL IS YOUR NAME – actually a worky project from Matt Round but we’re bunging it in coz it’s very UsVsTh3m – the particular viral mechanism of encouraging people to look up their own name. We recommend looking up Donald.
    https://www.gotocourt.com.au/how-criminal-is-your-name/

  • SAYING GOOD BYE TO DAD – Ornsack’s dad sadly passed away last year and he was best known for making the well-loved kids’ TV show Trapdoor. Ornsack writes, “My dad passed away last March whilst making an animated series in his spare time. I’ve been desperately trying to finish it for him alongside a few of his mates. We are nearly done! Aiming for a March release on trusty-ol’ YouTube. In the mean time local BBC News interviewed me about it over Christmas. YEAH I SHOULD HAVE POSTED THIS EARLIER. Never mind.”
    http://b3ta.com/links/Finishing_My_Dads_Work

  • SHED OF THE YEAR 2007 – the project unclewilco launched on B3ta back in 2007 is going great guns and now is a TV show and subject og a huge Guardian feature. Amazing work old chap.
    https://goo.gl/4qapS7

  • HELP BUILD A FURTIVE BEAR – b3tas are working together to build a Furtive Bear using a collaborative pixel app. Currently there’s huge cock on it. Yay.
    http://pixelcanvas.io/@389,1748


    : GETTING INTO PRIVATE EYE BY TELLING RUPERT
    MURDOCH TO “FUCK OFF”

    Very pleased to get this press clipping from Private Eye about this very newsletter’s editor, who was simply amusing himself one day on Twitter and managed to get the message “Fuck off Murdock” into The Sun online newspaper.
    https://goo.gl/MlqG7w


    : SIX PEOPLE WHO DID DIE IN THE MIDDLE-AGES

    @DeathMedieval is a superb Twitter bot that posts “real deaths from medieval coroners’ rolls” Here’s a handful of our absolute favs:

  • A dead man, found in 1362 by John Atfield, who had not been wounded, but “somewhat lacerated by dogs.”
  • Bertram Polet, found dead in 1271, assumed to have been slain by “evil-doers.”
  • Henry Costentin, died 1267 after his feet slipped and fell upon a pole of his wheat cart, which did penetrate into his fundament (buttocks)
  • Henry, son of Nicholas le Clerk, died at age 14 in 1432, dragged to death by a horse which had been startled by a bird
  • Johanna, daughter of Bernard de Irlaunde, died in 1322, being mortally bitten by a sow while lying in her cradle. The sow valued at 13 1/2 d
  • John Clerk, stabbed in 1366 by by Adam Case with knife thirteen inches long after “opprobrious words” were exchanged in a field.

    Seriously. Shit the bed. You need to follow the fuck out of this.
    https://twitter.com/DeathMedieval


    TWEET OF THE WEEK 1/5 – @sehnaoui

    “People next to me are loud and rude. They just
    found the perfect name for their new business. I
    just bought the domain name.”


    : SWEAR CLOCK UPDATE

    Last week we launched Swear Clock and we’ve noticed that simple direct swears often get the most engagement. But the baroque ones are my favs. So here’s just five from what people are calling “that clock thing that swears”

  • Shit Jesus’s Bed And Wank On A Bible It’s 10:30AM
  • Spunk On A Cottage Pie It’s 10:30AM
  • Fuck An Owl And Blame Alan Shearer It’s 11:30AM
  • Touch Rob Brydon’s Anus With A Porcelain Dog Collection It’s 11:30AM
  • Spunk On A Blankety Blank Chequebook And Pen It’s 11:30PM

    We’re also pleased to see an article in The Metro.
    https://goo.gl/yMxBky

    Also got a lovely mention from from Nick Doody on BBC Radio 4’s “That Was the Tweet That Was”
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08q60r5

    Getting media attention is a surprise as although we obviously want our projects to be popular and get talked about, Swear Clock really is fucking rude. Not just fucks and cunts, but random and surreal abuse of celebrity’s genitals with mundane objects. On half past the hour – every hour. Fuck yeah.
    http://twitter.com/swearclock


    TWEET OF THE WEEK 2/5 – @PetFran48

    “It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a
    Tory in possession of a fortune must be in need of
    some more”


    : THREE BEST IMAGES THIS WEEK
    All the good stuff from /board

  • A STAR TREK NOSTALGIC CLASSIC – (Mofaha)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11226508

  • KEEP ‘EM CORBYN – (MrDoucheBags)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11226082

  • TORY MALWARE – (Artist: HSDriver)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11226131


    : VIDEO SCHMIDEO
    Like TV but even shittier

  • THIS “STRONG AND STABLE” DAFT PUNK REMIX IS FUCKING MARVELLOUS
    http://b3ta.com/links/1439250

  • THIS DOCUMENTARY ON ELECTRONIC MUSIC PIONEER DELIA DERBYSHIRE IS ALSO FUCKING MARVELLOUS
    http://b3ta.com/links/1439405

  • NEWSREADERS IN THE PUB IS A PRETTY GOOD SKETCH
    http://b3ta.com/links/1440187

    Right. That’s enough video. If you want loads of video go to the popular bit of /links. Loads of fucking video there sunshine.
    http://b3ta.com/links/popular/


    TWEET OF THE WEEK 3/3 – @somecleverthing

    “Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect – A Guide to
    Dying Alone”


    : BUY MUSHYBEES T-SHIRTS

    We ballsed up the link to Mushybees t-shirt last week shop – so here’s the correct one.

    We recommend classics like “don’t vote Tory” and “Piers Morgan is a bell end”
    https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/mushybeestees


    : THINGS WE’D LIKE TO SEE THIS WEEK
    Yes, you can star in this newsletter

  • COOKING WITH SPECTRUMS – There’s a niche but potentially funny YouTube video idea in this. Set up your ZX in kitchen and try and cook along
    https://twitter.com/PulpLibrarian/status/864904222063689728

  • KICKSTOPPER – donate to prevent tedious journalists posting their terrible takes

    TWEET OF THE WEEK 4/5 – @dotmund

    “Iggy Pop was 70 this year. I know this because of
    the song 1969, in which he states that he was 21
    the previous year”


    : SLOGANS MANGLED BY MAY

    In the week where Theresa May actually said “what it is says on the tin is what they will get” we were amusing to see people making their own #slogansmangledbymay

  • “In order to return the freshness, we must not only do the vacuuming, but also shake.” –
  • “Iron Brew, Made in The North from Bollards” –
  • “My friend Marmite” –
  • “They’re tasty, and tasty
  • means
  • tasty.” –
  • “Go to work after eating an egg” –
  • “Enjoy a rest with your Kit Kat” –

    Suggestions from @petetavna, @Okeating, @DanielMudford, @mrwriterman79, @GeeItSomeLaldy, @JoeScaramanga.


    TWEET OF THE WEEK 5/5 – @ZoeTomalin

    “Getting BBC news alerts at the moment is like
    being in a Whatsapp group with Satan”


    : IMAGE CHALLENGE
    Make Corbyn Electable

    Here’s the best images from last week:

  • “HE’S JEREMY, JEREMY, JEREMY RIMMER, WITHOUT HIM LIFE WOULD BE MUCH GRIMMER…..” ETC. – (Barbarossa)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11225810

  • KEEP ‘EM CORBYN – (MrDoucheBags)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11226082

  • “I’M FREE!” – (Q4nobody)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11225770

  • See all the other images from the ‘Make Corbyn Electable’ challenge:
    http://b3ta.com/challenge/corbynelectable

    >> This week: After TV << What jobs do fictional tv characters do after their shows have finished? Show us with the power of computational image manipulation what line of work Yogi bear went in to, how Captain Picard funds his continuing space trips and how The Fonz pays his leather jacket and RSI thumb surgery bills.
    http://b3ta.com/challenge/aftertv


  • FINALLY A GOOD USE FOR FACEAPP – This guy going around a museum and using FaceApp to add smiles to classical art is such a good idea. Would be lovely to try this in a UK gallery too.
    https://goo.gl/LruamB


    : REJECTED (BUT GOOD NEWSLETTER TITLES)
    Fuck it, it’s good content brad

  • ENTERING YOUR INBOX LIKE A SEX-STARVED JULIAN ASSANGE (TRIBS)
  • FUCK ME OVER A BARREL IT’S HALF PAST NEWSLETTER O’CLOCK (BARBAROSSA)
  • JULIAN ASSANGE SHOULD BE ARRESTED FOR THE CRIME OF DRESSING A CAT IN A SHIRT AND TIE (SMALLBRAINFIELD)
  • WE’RE STILL BACK AND TORIES ARE STILL CUNTS (MANIC)
  • NO NEWSLETTER IN HISTORY HAS BEEN TREATED WORSE THAN THIS (ARNIIE)
  • ANOTHER B3TA NEWSLETTER. WE’RE GOING TO KEEP MAKING THESE UNTIL YOU SEND US ENOUGH BITCOINS (ENCELADUS)
  • THE OFFICIAL 2017 PROCRASTINATION MANIFESTO (@TWEETSBYJT)
    http://b3ta.com/board/11226621


    : EVERY SINGLE THING MARK E SMITH HATES
    According a wonderful 1987 magazine feature

  • Brown bread with bits in it
  • All Sunday papers
  • Mature guys with ponytails
  • Scotch pop groups featuring pseudo intellectuals
  • The Cure’s one record
  • All Welsh groups
  • All new American groups
  • All Dutch groups
  • Anything connected with New Model Army
  • Chablis wine V
  • Vietnam War
  • Iran/Iraq War
  • Mexican food
  • Berlin
  • Leeds
  • American football
  • Mike Smith
  • Nescafe
  • All fruit juice
  • Boddie and Waddle
  • Embassy No 1
  • Marlboro 100’s
  • Royal Air Force
  • Eddie Murphy
  • British science fiction
  • Stephen King
  • All new American and British cartoons
  • British Electricity
  • France (permanent)
  • Martin Amis
  • Pop stars in new silver cars
  • Rock on television
  • Plastic grebos in Doctor Martens boots. (You’d never get a real biker to wear them.)
    https://twitter.com/20thcenturymarc/status/863770679132520450


    : KNIGHTMARE LIVE – 21st & 28th May
    Sponsored link – yes really, a good one too
    It is like the 1980s again: A tory landslide on the horizon and kids with buckets on their heads is entertainment. Get a shit hair cut and relive your childhood this week with a re-imagining of KNIGHTMARE TV show for the stage.
    https://myticket.co.uk/artists/knightmare-live

    Yes we’ve repeated the ad at the bottom. It’s called trying to play nice with the people who waved money at us. It’s a good idea.


    : CREDIT
    Edited by Rob Manuel & David Stevenson.
    Newsletter title by Mighty Nibus.


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