This new “Tory Jesus” account is brilliant satire and we’ve interviewed Him

Biggest new funny social media account this week is the wonderful @Tory__Jesus.

Really, you should follow the shit out of Him by pointing your Twitters to @Tory__Jesus and then come back and read all this.

Right are you back? Good. Here’s the interview.

Why have you come back as a fucking Tory Jesus?
Tory Jesus: “Look mate, I’ve got a Dad who is the ultimate celebrity, I can work miracles; I tried the meek and mild shit last time and just look how far that got me.”

Who does God vote for? He’s not a Tory too is he?
Tory Jesus: “Dad prefers to work in mysterious ways, but actually I don’t vote at all, I have this big thing about crosses.”

Surely TM is going to Hell? Please tell us she’s going to Hell.
Tory Jesus: “That depends on your definition of Hell really. I mean, who would you want to spend eternity with? Theresa May?”

What do you think of that other JC, Jeremy Corbyn?
Tory Jesus: “I met him once, I told him straight ‘JC, I like the beard and the sandals, but your policies are SHITE.'”

And the one on the middle – he does God doesn’t he – Timmy Dems, what about his stance on gay sex?
Tory Jesus: “For me personally, I have no problem with people being Liberal Democrat, as long as they don’t parade it around and rub folks noses in it.”

What’s going to happen to people who vote Tory?
Tory Jesus: “Verily I say unto you brother, that they shall find their rewards, not in the kingdom of heaven, but right here on Earth.”

Which is your best tweet Tory Jesus?
Tory Jesus: “Look mate, all I’m saying is 16 tweets and I’ve already got more followers than last time.”

Any chance of a miracle and making the Tories lose?
Tory Jesus: “I tell you what if that Corbyn chap gets in it’ll be a proper fucking miracle, with or without my intervention.”

Now. As we said. Follow the absolute blistering fuck out of Him.

Follow @Tory__Jesus NOW.


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