Me and my brother had a 'Flat Mate' onceWe had a flat, a big flat. It vas a two floor flat and wery expensive so we decided on getting a flatmate.
We had a lot of applicants but fell for a mellow kinda weak and scrawny type of man called Bink. The first two monts passed with no serius problems apart from him being a drug dealer.
We found that out the second week as he attempted to sell us a large amount of Rock ´n Roll weed. But he paid the rent and kept to him self so we didn´t really care were his rent money came from.
This was dumb.
The trouble started at the end of the second month. He was starting to act wierd. Mostley talking to himself and avoiding eye contact. (This is a sure sign of madness i have been told later on)
And one night he broke in through the living room window, crawling inside and falling to the floor. me and my brother were both watching the Telly in the same room at the moment and as he stood up he said.
- Sorry didn´t know you were home.
And locked him self in his room.
Why he broke in to an apartmet to wich he had the key we will never know.
The next day it was my time to do the laundry, so i thougt. When i entered the laundry room i found the washing machine laid out in an style i think is called 'a blow up schematic' every piece was placed neatly and perfect in its original place but spread out over the floor. Ever little nut bolt and spring nothing was connected to annything.
It diddn´t take a genius to figure out who had done his laundry before me. I told my brother who said.
- The happy baby orangutan had to go.
So we went in to his room to tell him.
It is now it really begin.
Bink was sitting in a chair and was fiddling with an old Police scanner trying to get it to work propperly. The only thing you could hear was an ocasional 'Roger' 'Come in' 'Unit one' and a lot of static.
My brother told him he had to move out and why, but he didn´t seem to listen. He was by now getting wery angry on the old scanner and finaly hit it hard.
It buzzed static and crackled and went silent.
Suddenly a voice could be heard from the scanner crystal clear.
- Unit One at mark one, over.
- Unit two at mark two, over.
- OK lads this is HQ we are at the yellow house awaiting clearence from top dog. Can all unit see the yellow house, over.
- Unit one yeas we can, over.
- Unit Two yeas we can, over.
- This is Top Dog we have posisioned our selves at the crossing of...(They said our street name)
And now three things happens in an almost blinding speed.
1. My brother was standing looking puzzled and saying
- Our house is yellow isn´t it.
2. Bink is heading at almost Mac one in to the direction of the bathroom.
3. I was facing an officer of the Police special forces comming crashing throug Bink´s bedroom window wearing an full body armour and an protective gasmask.
Me and my brother was wrestled to the floor quite brutishly and we heard the other shouting.
- Weres the other bastard!!
Obviosly meaning Bink.
- He has barrikaded himself in the bathroom.
We heard another shout.
Bink, realising what was going on had taken refuge in the uppstairs bathroom and rfused to come out. He demanded that i was to come up to the bathroom door.
After awile they let me and as i came up to the door i heard a faint whisper
- Take this note and read it, but don´t tell annyone.
I took the small piece of paper and read it an this is what it said in word.
Due to the enormous exitment and tension i have crapped myself and also pissed in my pants but there is no toilet paper and nothing to whipe my self with in here. Can you, In some way get me a fresh pair of pants and some toilet paper co´s i am not giving these bastards the pleasure of seeing me like this.
I managed to persuade the officer in charge to let me go inside and give him the items he had asked for, and he agreed.
When Bink was done we opend the bathroom door an walked in to the arms othe Police.
Me and my brother spent the next five days in jail but we was found not guilty luckely.
And we never foud out what had happend to Bink, i hope he got life in jail.
(,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 4:27,
archived)
We had a lot of applicants but fell for a mellow kinda weak and scrawny type of man called Bink. The first two monts passed with no serius problems apart from him being a drug dealer.
We found that out the second week as he attempted to sell us a large amount of Rock ´n Roll weed. But he paid the rent and kept to him self so we didn´t really care were his rent money came from.
This was dumb.
The trouble started at the end of the second month. He was starting to act wierd. Mostley talking to himself and avoiding eye contact. (This is a sure sign of madness i have been told later on)
And one night he broke in through the living room window, crawling inside and falling to the floor. me and my brother were both watching the Telly in the same room at the moment and as he stood up he said.
- Sorry didn´t know you were home.
And locked him self in his room.
Why he broke in to an apartmet to wich he had the key we will never know.
The next day it was my time to do the laundry, so i thougt. When i entered the laundry room i found the washing machine laid out in an style i think is called 'a blow up schematic' every piece was placed neatly and perfect in its original place but spread out over the floor. Ever little nut bolt and spring nothing was connected to annything.
It diddn´t take a genius to figure out who had done his laundry before me. I told my brother who said.
- The happy baby orangutan had to go.
So we went in to his room to tell him.
It is now it really begin.
Bink was sitting in a chair and was fiddling with an old Police scanner trying to get it to work propperly. The only thing you could hear was an ocasional 'Roger' 'Come in' 'Unit one' and a lot of static.
My brother told him he had to move out and why, but he didn´t seem to listen. He was by now getting wery angry on the old scanner and finaly hit it hard.
It buzzed static and crackled and went silent.
Suddenly a voice could be heard from the scanner crystal clear.
- Unit One at mark one, over.
- Unit two at mark two, over.
- OK lads this is HQ we are at the yellow house awaiting clearence from top dog. Can all unit see the yellow house, over.
- Unit one yeas we can, over.
- Unit Two yeas we can, over.
- This is Top Dog we have posisioned our selves at the crossing of...(They said our street name)
And now three things happens in an almost blinding speed.
1. My brother was standing looking puzzled and saying
- Our house is yellow isn´t it.
2. Bink is heading at almost Mac one in to the direction of the bathroom.
3. I was facing an officer of the Police special forces comming crashing throug Bink´s bedroom window wearing an full body armour and an protective gasmask.
Me and my brother was wrestled to the floor quite brutishly and we heard the other shouting.
- Weres the other bastard!!
Obviosly meaning Bink.
- He has barrikaded himself in the bathroom.
We heard another shout.
Bink, realising what was going on had taken refuge in the uppstairs bathroom and rfused to come out. He demanded that i was to come up to the bathroom door.
After awile they let me and as i came up to the door i heard a faint whisper
- Take this note and read it, but don´t tell annyone.
I took the small piece of paper and read it an this is what it said in word.
Due to the enormous exitment and tension i have crapped myself and also pissed in my pants but there is no toilet paper and nothing to whipe my self with in here. Can you, In some way get me a fresh pair of pants and some toilet paper co´s i am not giving these bastards the pleasure of seeing me like this.
I managed to persuade the officer in charge to let me go inside and give him the items he had asked for, and he agreed.
When Bink was done we opend the bathroom door an walked in to the arms othe Police.
Me and my brother spent the next five days in jail but we was found not guilty luckely.
And we never foud out what had happend to Bink, i hope he got life in jail.
Oh i almost forgotCerberaSpeedTwelve is she dead or alive me and my mates have got a betting game on. I have a twenty riding on that she has gone to se the great recycler in the sky.
(,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 4:38,
archived)
eepA good end to a thread that I've just somehow managed to read in one sitting - my head hurts
(,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 8:41,
archived)
Takes hours,doesn't it?
and yet still there's more the next time you look...
shudder
(and yet still there's more the next time you look...
shudder
Boot I want to know what you meant,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 18:25,
archived)
See up top.I could just cut and paste I suppose but in the interest of saving electrons more unnecessary work, have a look at the original post up top.
(,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 11:45,
archived)
I know I look like a cranberry...but that's got to be bullshit surely! 5 days in jail for being totally innnocent? Do you really think the filth would charge into
the house like that and then NOT boot the bathroom door off it's hinges?
Come on! Entertaining though I'll say that much.
...And I will admit the story is enhanced by the idea in my head of 12 burly coppers dolled up to the nines with batons, riot shields and zip tie handcuffs all knelt down in front of the bathroom keyhole, whilst there are
sounds of the toilet being desperately filled with nosebag, and then flushed, before the cistern slowly refills....
"I think he's shit himself sarge" "Right I see- well I suppose we did perhaps catch him by surprise- Johnson go and make us all a nice cup of tea- Hardcastle- hog tie the 2 innocents and find this gentleman some new pants. *Don't worry sir we'll get you nicely cleaned up as soon as you've finished
flushing that bugle and then we'll just ask a couple of quick questions before clearing out and leaving you in peace- sorry for the intrusion*"!!
(,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 12:55,
archived)
the house like that and then NOT boot the bathroom door off it's hinges?
Come on! Entertaining though I'll say that much.
...And I will admit the story is enhanced by the idea in my head of 12 burly coppers dolled up to the nines with batons, riot shields and zip tie handcuffs all knelt down in front of the bathroom keyhole, whilst there are
sounds of the toilet being desperately filled with nosebag, and then flushed, before the cistern slowly refills....
"I think he's shit himself sarge" "Right I see- well I suppose we did perhaps catch him by surprise- Johnson go and make us all a nice cup of tea- Hardcastle- hog tie the 2 innocents and find this gentleman some new pants. *Don't worry sir we'll get you nicely cleaned up as soon as you've finished
flushing that bugle and then we'll just ask a couple of quick questions before clearing out and leaving you in peace- sorry for the intrusion*"!!
Hmmmm...the man's got a point - what understanding rozzers!
"Err, sorry about the window, we got a bit carried away there - PC Tagnut's a bit handy with a chisel, so he's knocking you up a replacement. Meanwhile, would you like something to read while you sort yourself out?"
(,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 14:11,
archived)
"Err, sorry about the window, we got a bit carried away there - PC Tagnut's a bit handy with a chisel, so he's knocking you up a replacement. Meanwhile, would you like something to read while you sort yourself out?"
I´m from SwedenThings work alittle diffrent here. :)
Our foreing affair minister got knifed down and killed while shopping. There were a alot of witnesses, so they managed to cathch the killer. They have had him locked up for about 52 days now. They have DNA prof eye whitness statements and a semii confession from him but he is still not charged with the murder.
So you see things work alittle diffrent here. :)
(,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 23:41,
archived)
Our foreing affair minister got knifed down and killed while shopping. There were a alot of witnesses, so they managed to cathch the killer. They have had him locked up for about 52 days now. They have DNA prof eye whitness statements and a semii confession from him but he is still not charged with the murder.
So you see things work alittle diffrent here. :)