Flatmate from HellIt happened at university, 10 years ago - but the memory still haunts. 5 ladies sharing a house in N.London.
One lady being extremely friendly with the guys - any guys, to the point she would bring a different one home every night, promptly taking the guy of the night upstairs. Now while they were upstairs, another guy would turn up for her & we would politely entertain him [not knowing what else to do], trying to cover up the banging, springs a squeaking, drifting down the stairs, we would turn the music up, until our flat'mate' came down & exchanged her guy in the bedroom for the waiting guy in the lounge.
Now we tried talking to her, tried to get her help - to no avail, and this continued - we were fed up. One night she was out, she'd p*ssed us off so much, we took her toothbrush and ran it round the inside of the toilet rim, and for the icing-on-the-cake she always wore a baseball hat - so we invited a friend to relieve his bladder into the inside of the hat.....
she quickly moved out, it might have been the smell from the hat....
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Thu 20 Nov 2003, 13:14,
archived)
One lady being extremely friendly with the guys - any guys, to the point she would bring a different one home every night, promptly taking the guy of the night upstairs. Now while they were upstairs, another guy would turn up for her & we would politely entertain him [not knowing what else to do], trying to cover up the banging, springs a squeaking, drifting down the stairs, we would turn the music up, until our flat'mate' came down & exchanged her guy in the bedroom for the waiting guy in the lounge.
Now we tried talking to her, tried to get her help - to no avail, and this continued - we were fed up. One night she was out, she'd p*ssed us off so much, we took her toothbrush and ran it round the inside of the toilet rim, and for the icing-on-the-cake she always wore a baseball hat - so we invited a friend to relieve his bladder into the inside of the hat.....
she quickly moved out, it might have been the smell from the hat....
whilstliving in halls with two timid (or so we thought) chinese girls in the first year of university, we (myself and my 3 flatmates) returned home from an evening at the local discotheque in dire need of a snack. upon investigating the fridge, we discovered an intriguing plastic bag with ornate chinese lettering upon it. in our drunken state we decided to open it to see what oriental delights lay within. to our horror, we discovered what appeared to be some kind of animal penis nestling snugly in the cellophane. we also found a large mixing bowl covered with a tea towel containing three freshly killed baby chicks marinating in their own blood on the sideboard. i think they were the extra cute and fluffy variety. obviously this was unacceptable, and so began a long series of unpleasant episodes between them and us. this climaxed with the invention of a new and potentially lethal game - krazy golf. to create a krazy golf course in student halls, simply open the front doors of two facing flats, place the tee at one end of one corridor and a cup to represent the hole at the other. various hazards (skateboards, piles of books etc) can be added as required. now, normally the game is to be played at a sedate pace using a putter to gently coax the ball home. not so my flatmate who produced a 'big bertha' driver from somewhere and, with a swing that would have turned tiger woods the same colour as the fairway at st augusta, viciously clouted the ball cupwards. in addition to producing a pleasing whistling sound it travelled with the trajectory and speed of an exocet missile and, in a twist of fate that in all honesty we should have seen coming, struck one of our chinese friends directly in the face. the sickening 'crunch' sound and fountain of blood was an impressive, if harsh bonus. one badly broken nose later, our short lived golfing careers came to an abrupt end.
reading back over this, i'm still unable to decide who was the worse of the two - penis eating, fluffy chick slaughtering chinese girls or the golfer who would condemn the british army's SA13 surface-to-air missile defence system to an early retirement.
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Thu 20 Nov 2003, 14:01,
archived)
reading back over this, i'm still unable to decide who was the worse of the two - penis eating, fluffy chick slaughtering chinese girls or the golfer who would condemn the british army's SA13 surface-to-air missile defence system to an early retirement.
culinary expertiseThis didn't happen in my flatshare but a friend reliably informs me they had a guy so clueless in their house that he couldn't even change a lightbulb. Needless to say, he couldn't cook.
He got adventurous one day and tried to cook one of those tinned steam puddings, with jam or treacle on top. He set up a large pan of boling water, made an incision in the top of the pudding tin with the tin opener, as per the instructions. Then he proceeded to take the whole top of the tin off and empty the contents of the tin into the boiling water. And let it boil for 35 minutes.
His steamed pudding came out a tad soggy.
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Thu 20 Nov 2003, 14:54,
archived)
He got adventurous one day and tried to cook one of those tinned steam puddings, with jam or treacle on top. He set up a large pan of boling water, made an incision in the top of the pudding tin with the tin opener, as per the instructions. Then he proceeded to take the whole top of the tin off and empty the contents of the tin into the boiling water. And let it boil for 35 minutes.
His steamed pudding came out a tad soggy.
The hat was excellent,We resorted to the same stuff in my flat (still living in) just last year. When the 2 wenches we lived with were away at the w/e we'd have mad piss ups and invite our friends to do as they willed to personal effects- toothbrushes, makeup brushes, mascara wands- it all went into worst toilet in the house. At the end I turned out two pillow cases and had a male friend wipe his remnants on the inside, then put them back on the pillows.
S'wot they deserved. I swear.
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Thu 20 Nov 2003, 17:14,
archived)
S'wot they deserved. I swear.