The wankest film ever made
Without exception.
(Scoobs, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:07, archived)

underworld
equilibrium
exorcist the beginning
alien vs predator

shall i go on?
( Cocodaye Miasere likes chips and peas, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:08, archived)

Van Helsing
Beaches,
Dirty Dancing II,
Battlefield Earth,
TITANIC
( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:09, archived)

Signs, Contact, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo...
and of course Dude Where's My Car.
(Psychosomatic Tumor Laugh your life cause there ain't much to cry for, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:11, archived)

DWMC?
Bit harsh, it's mindless, but good mindless.

Dungeons & Dragons - now that's some major wankage right there.
( Just Juan Cornetto , give it to meeeee, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:17, archived)

Dragonheart II

( MrMoose fo shizzle my nizzle old bean, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:22, archived)

i see your dragonheart ii and raise you
a dungeons and dragons
( I could eat the scabs off a dead dog That was a brand new hat, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:25, archived)

hahaha
I beat you all with Wendigo.

Watch it just so you'll never watch it again, that's about all it's good for.
(KiDaPoT pads it out with socks on, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:30, archived)

Hercules in new york
aicmfp
(fred dibnah saved my life, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:34, archived)

I haven't seen it
but it sounds like you should win. Let me guess, It's about a gangstar in LA?
(KiDaPoT pads it out with socks on, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:35, archived)

Its arnies first ever feature film circa 1970
oh dear

Hercules in New york
(fred dibnah saved my life, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:39, archived)

Santa with Muscles
An evil millionaire (Hulk Hogan) gets amnesia and then belives that he is Santa Claus
( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:39, archived)

Dagon
oh sweet holy fuck Dagon. So wretched they had to disguise the low quality of the script by leaving large chunks of it in Spanish. (Because they've relocated it from the spooky, storm-tossed New England coast to, er, Spain.)
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Tue 10 May 2005, 15:39, archived)

Urban Legend: Director's Cut
The Avengers,
Ace Ventura II
Wild Wild West
Almost any Kevin Costner film
Speed 2
Gogzilla
Highlander 4
Cool as Ice
Popeye
Cant stop the music (the Village people film)
( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:34, archived)

The Wiz!
Motown remake of The Wizard of Oz with Diana Ross as Dorothy, Michael Jackson as the Scarecrow and Richard Pryor as the Wizard of Oz. Directed by SIDNEY FUCKING LUMET.
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Tue 10 May 2005, 15:47, archived)

They made a DragonHeart II?
I thought the damn thing died at the end of the first one. Had a big fancy star thing and all.
( Spunk Murphy Tchaikovsky is a synonym for fanny, apparently, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:35, archived)

that didn't stop them making a weekend at burnies II

( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:37, archived)

you're telling me
you didn't laugh at the "and then...." Chinese drive-thru scene????
(baroo_the_cat Valley of Weights, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:26, archived)

Indeed
Van Helsing was appalling.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:12, archived)

Titanic
was worst of all. Imho.
( drunkenoaf, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:15, archived)

which is a shame because
after I saw Last Days of Disco, I wanted to populate small island republics with the help of Kate Beckinsale... now I cry everytime she brings out a film. how does she keep getting worse the more she does?
( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:16, archived)

It's probably way better than Sister Act II: Back In the Habit
Although there is good punnage in the title.
(Dr GUID, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:35, archived)

and Lauryn Hill
in it.

Her career did improve afterwards.
( drunkenoaf, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:45, archived)

I'm
just mentioning titanic again, because not only was it complete toss, but everybody knew the bloody ending before the movie started.

THE BOAT WILL SINK LIKE A KITTEN AND A BRICK IN A BURLAP SACK!

cunts
(radja, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:15, archived)

yes
too right.
( drunkenoaf, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:16, archived)

Knowing they were all going to die
was the only thing that kept me going through out that film. I laughed heartily all the way through the daft deaths.
( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:20, archived)

I love to belittle people and spoil their fun
for I KNOW BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU WHAT IS GOOD AND WHAT IS NOT!
( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:25, archived)

Plan 9 from outer space...
no wait, thats so bad its good! Like Flash Gordon.

Get Shorty is probably my least favourite film, in terms of waste of life watching it, despite so many people loving it.
( PopePollo defloculating the soup of the surreal, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:09, archived)

Bad, but not close
Exerpt from the review I was compelled to write after watching Anchorman:
It is said if you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, one would produce the works of Shakespeare. If you were to replace the typewriters with jam and use only retarded monkeys there is the chance one of them would come up with something less funny than “Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy”.

There should be a memorial day on the anniversary of the release date of this film lest we forget the suffering and the lessons that came out of its production. It is also important to remember how this film would test us all. If Gandhi were put in a room with Adam McKay, the film’s Director, I feel sure he would either beat him to death with one of his sandals, or hold him down and burn him to death using only the power of the sun and a lens from his spectacles. Martin Luther King would be hoping for the latter because it would prolong the suffering. Mother Theresa would be standing by with the blow torch and the pliers.
(Scoobs, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:10, archived)

you're so wise
( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:13, archived)

I have to say that boycotting cinemas has made me a much happier man.
Just don't go to the movies. Let your friends bring around the videos. Suddenly you don't have that deep feeling of disappointment every time you see one.

edit: Case in point - I am not infuriated by any of the movies listed above, as I haven't seen any of them. People that make pop culture references to movies released after 1995 are jumping the gun anyway.
(gronkpan, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:13, archived)

yeah but
you'll never get the opportunity to bankrupt yourself on the price of a ticket and some pick 'n' mix... so you're missing a trick there!
( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:14, archived)

'taint a cheapskate thing...
It's more about working yourself up and expecting to have your socks blown off, and then realising that you're being inconsiderate if you get up and walk around.

Maybe I just don't have the attention span for movies.
(gronkpan, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:17, archived)

Going to the cinema merely for late showings of great old stuff
and proper new films rather than generic box-office wank is very fun too. Mind you, only indie cinemas really do that... Ahh the big screen.
( PopePollo defloculating the soup of the surreal, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:18, archived)

I just don't think of people sitting in silence as a social event
Sitting around at home is one thing, but the way I see it if people are going out to socialise, they should interact with each other.
(gronkpan, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:21, archived)

Not claiming the film itself is a social event
The pints, discussion and banter after it are...
( PopePollo defloculating the soup of the surreal, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:28, archived)

Aye, it's more a passive social event - sharing the same experience with someone.

( Just Juan Cornetto , give it to meeeee, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:30, archived)

I'd agree that sharing a traumatic experience with someone brings you close together,
but I feel like movies are just helping people that don't have those experiences live vicariously through ficticious characters.

I should probably mention that I'm quite drunk and it's after midnight here.
(gronkpan, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:35, archived)

I've caught up with people after movies plenty of times
yet very rarely feel like I should have been there. Can't say I've ever felt like I couldn't keep up as a result of not seeing the movie.
(gronkpan, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:36, archived)

Kill Bill
LOTR

All teh Star Wars flims excep Star Wars and Empire
( Liquid Crystal, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:11, archived)

Heresy, how dare you..blah blah blah
Kneejerky fan boy response, insert Jar Jar.
Repeat while iq
( PopePollo defloculating the soup of the surreal, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:13, archived)

Kill Bill was good...
I thought anyway.
( Prof UnderCover would make a lovely Archbishop of Canterbury, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:13, archived)

LOTR
rules.
( urbane legend i have known the inexorable sadness of pencils, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:30, archived)

How about...
Chronicals of Riddick
Anything to survive
Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions
The Core
(JimmyG, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:14, archived)

How about the Ten million fingers of doctor T!
Or Armageddon
( PopePollo defloculating the soup of the surreal, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:19, archived)

At least the first one...
... Has a suitably daft name. It wins over many films for that alone.
(JimmyG, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:23, archived)

Its a boy having a dream! About a tyrannical piano teacher!
A musical extravaganza! And the plumber is his sidekick, and they make a nuclear bomb out of odds and ends in their cage!

God, I hated it when I was 6!
( PopePollo defloculating the soup of the surreal, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:33, archived)

I've seen worse...
The Police Academy series is the UBER-downwardscale of wankier films..
( Jam Master Geordie The People's Champion of B3ta., Tue 10 May 2005, 15:10, archived)

Surely not Mission to Moscow?

( Mr Gimpson is super sexy and you know it, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:11, archived)

Actually
I thought it was reasonably amusing, if not up to Dodgeball standards. But then we're all entitled to our opinions, aren't we?
(Cheredenine - Git orf moi laaaaand..., Tue 10 May 2005, 15:21, archived)

dodgeball wasn't thta great- mildly amusing at best (except the "fucking Chuick Norris" bit which mad eme chuckle)

most hollywwod pap leaves me cold apart from the odd indie like the Royal Tenenbaums   which apes european sensibilities
(Betty Bo Bibster, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:32, archived)

Yeap
Worse than all of those.
(Scoobs, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:43, archived)

No
/delurks
This is the worst film ever:
www.imdb.com/title/tt0120041/
It's about a car that won't stop.
Seriously. Thats it.

Who thought it would be a good film is beyond me.

/relurks
(Sin, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:51, archived)

Robocop 4 (Prime Directives) or (Dark Justice)
Definately the worst film ever...



AICMFP
( Gregor Lenko Chris Morris Radio 1 Music Show available gaz4info, Tue 10 May 2005, 15:55, archived)