I have devised an intelligence test for my postman...

( monkeon schmonkeon : twitter.com/ricomonkeon, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:03, archived)

Hahahaha!
Ace.

I've always wanted to try addressing a letter purely by GPS co-ordinates but I don't have a GPS unit to find out where my house is.
( Afinkawan www.folkon.co.uk, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:04, archived)

I've always wondered what the smallest thing you can send through the post is, could you write an address on the back of a stamp?
( Dr. Strange Apparantly those were the droids I was looking for, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:06, archived)

i wouldn't advise it
it's more likely to get stuck to a different envelope by some schemer
( mictoboy zombies are shit, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:08, archived)

These should be in the
'Things we'd like to see' section of the newsletter. Someone else would then do all the work for us.
( Afinkawan www.folkon.co.uk, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:10, archived)

submit it, baby!

( mictoboy zombies are shit, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)

I can't at the moment
due to the bloody webfilters. There's an approximately 87.2% chance I'll have completely forgotten by the time I get home.
( Afinkawan www.folkon.co.uk, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)

damn work filters!
i might logon at home for ten minutes tonight just to check the old gaz...
( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:14, archived)

D'you want me to gaz you?
Just to make it worth it?
( Mrs Trellis has her two Misses Trellises at home :), Wed 9 May 2007, 14:15, archived)

g'wan then!
something nice though!
( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:16, archived)

Same here
I can see that I have a couple in my inbox, but I can't get to them yet.
( Afinkawan www.folkon.co.uk, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:16, archived)

i can't even see if i have any!

( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:17, archived)

you don't have any

( mictoboy zombies are shit, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:23, archived)

yes i do!
mrs trellis said she would send me one!
( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:24, archived)

oh yes he does
;)
( The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:30, archived)

I had friend
who sent a letter in code to his family, including the envelope.

it got delivered because he didn't encode the house number or postcode.
(pdjpdj, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)

How do you put an envelope in code?

( Afinkawan www.folkon.co.uk, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:13, archived)

sorry mistype
it should have been cod
(pdjpdj, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:15, archived)

i propose
you are talking complete cuntyfuckles
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:03, archived)

streetmap.co.uk/streetmap.dll?GridConvert?name=528871,181613&type=OSGrid
( Battle Camel, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:15, archived)

Unfortunately that only narrows it down
to a couple of houses. I need the height as well 'cos we're in a first floor flat.
( Afinkawan www.folkon.co.uk, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:17, archived)

Ha ha

( Battle Camel, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:19, archived)

Use
google earth, it should be pretty accurate- just find your house and record the GPS co-ords from it.
(stunt_penguin | missed his b3ta birthday :'(, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:31, archived)

hahaha
They will all be broken anyway
(Ning is wearing pants today, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:04, archived)

i am convinced that you are a genius

( Leningrad twitter.com/takebacks, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:04, archived)

think of all the time he spends on google image search looking for the perfect fucking pictures to describe what he's thinking of.
it's mind boggling.
(USER No: 21515...FUCK YOU TO FUCK YOU FU see profile for limited time offer., Wed 9 May 2007, 16:59, archived)

i guarantee that he fails

( mictoboy zombies are shit, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:04, archived)

^this
they tend to fail the simple version: horizontal slit/flat parcel.
( Your watch is quickly ticking towards 5K, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)

so how will they manage with the star-shaped parcel...?
( theonecynic couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:14, archived)

star-shaped parcel
in the star-shaped hole!
( Your watch is quickly ticking towards 5K, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:17, archived)

I know I'm colour-blind
but I'm not shape-blind too, am I?
( theonecynic couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:19, archived)

(_*_)
;)
( Your watch is quickly ticking towards 5K, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:20, archived)

rofl
fair enough, just slow then =P
( theonecynic couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:23, archived)

but with pricing in proportion
it'll be an expensive test
( mictoboy zombies are shit, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:05, archived)

He's
most likely to throw them into the neighbour's garden and stick a card through the door.
( theonecynic couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:05, archived)

this^

( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:07, archived)

[ ] there is outstanding postage on sent item
[ ] we called while you were out
[x] we called while you were pulling your pants on and falling down the stairs in a rush to make it to the front door
( The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)

Aye, ^ this

( mediocre FISTING FULL THROTTLE, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)

*wishes milkman dan was here to repost his excellent picture*

( mictoboy zombies are shit, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)

[ ] we called while you were in the bath, but you slipped trying to get out in a rush, banged your head on the tub, and drowned in your own murky bathwater. Luckily, we had a film crew peering through your window and your last humiliating moments will be spread for all to see across the internets.
( theonecynic couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:13, archived)

[x]

( mediocre FISTING FULL THROTTLE, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:16, archived)

[x] we called,
but we couldn't be bothered to knock on your door and wait for you to answer, so we posted this pre-filled card instead.
(mazzmatazz is messing it up like a blue bottle, Wed 9 May 2007, 21:04, archived)

pffft
he'll still leave 'em half out the hole
( i_yam_bucket doo wah diddy diddy wah wah diddy doo, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:06, archived)

Common complaint

( Mrs Trellis has her two Misses Trellises at home :), Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)

huh
you're telling me :(
( i_yam_bucket doo wah diddy diddy wah wah diddy doo, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:15, archived)

hehehe genie arse!
bet he will flatten and bend them anyway though!
( Wildyles is back to rimming chimps, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:06, archived)

Heh!
My postman would simply force them through the smallest hole using brute force and possibly some sort of hammer.
( Doctor When And The World Of Tomorrow, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:06, archived)

oh!!! that's what they're for!!
*removes apendage from letterbox*
( The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:07, archived)

Please
don't tell me you were trying out the triangular one...?
( theonecynic couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:08, archived)

all the pornstars
love a toblerone
( The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:10, archived)

I'd be careful if I were you
My dog eats anything that goes through the letterbox
( Mrs Trellis has her two Misses Trellises at home :), Wed 9 May 2007, 14:20, archived)

now you tell me!
i needn't have bothered buying this tin of chum!
( The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:33, archived)

haha
*clicks*
( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:07, archived)

excellent!
w/y
( Dr. Strange Apparantly those were the droids I was looking for, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:08, archived)

fnar fnar
you're the cleverest b3tan by far
( Prof UnderCover NOT DRUNK ENOUGH, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:08, archived)

the funniest taxidermest
the shortiest skirt
the purplest sponge cake
the bordeauxitst pluralist
( Prof UnderCover NOT DRUNK ENOUGH, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)

the darkest office chair
the leftist lugnut
the cleanest carpet
the happiest salseman
the bloodiest corpse
( Prof UnderCover NOT DRUNK ENOUGH, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:16, archived)

He'll just leave a sigh saying the you weren't it like they always do!
woo
( riverghost bringing you bollock moustaches since, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)

you're not it?
*sighs*

:D
( The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)

Un-tag!
You're not it!
( Mrs Trellis has her two Misses Trellises at home :), Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)

is this Emo tag?

( The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:13, archived)

Spid-emo, spid-emo
no one understands spid-emo
( Prof UnderCover NOT DRUNK ENOUGH, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:18, archived)

spins a web
stays in bed
( The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:31, archived)

pulls the duvet
over his head
( Prof UnderCover NOT DRUNK ENOUGH, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:40, archived)

You fail English?
That's unpossible!
( Afinkawan www.folkon.co.uk, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)

OK in then.:P
It was a test, honest.
( riverghost bringing you bollock moustaches since, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:01, archived)

he will fail
as he is a cunt and an ex con.

Related story: I lost my phone at t in the park but it was kindly handed into the lost property and I eventually got it back a week later. To my horror however, when I got it back, I found that the first 15 or so people in my phone book had received texts saying "I love you, want to come round to mine for a fuck?". All those texts were received when it would have been in the sorting office. Cunts.

It would've been easier to for me to take if anyone had actually responded in the positive.
( drbroon drbroon.co.uk, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)

ha ha!!
that was me
( The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)

you mean that wasn't you!!
i hitch-hiked from portsmouth!!
( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)

Haha!

( Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)

haha :)

( prodigy69 ecky ecky ecky ecky pitang zoop boing, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)

You are making me want to post random things!
I joined in with that posting toast malarky a while back. Posted poems on toast.
(BlackCat, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)

excellent

( mediocre FISTING FULL THROTTLE, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)

Heheh!

( Monty Propps, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:15, archived)

He'd either knock on the door, or just put a little letter through the top hole
asking you to collect them
( TopUpTheTea the bumpy road to where the wild things are, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:18, archived)

'ning TUTT!
how are this rainy day?
( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:20, archived)

It's rainy?

( TopUpTheTea the bumpy road to where the wild things are, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:25, archived)

it is down here in cosham, portsmouth.
=(
( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:26, archived)

between the hours of 6:30 and 9:00 during the week

( Prof UnderCover NOT DRUNK ENOUGH, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:20, archived)

This is ace
reminds me of the time me and my friend got hold of a blank postcard (white on both sides) so we stamped and addressed both sides, one to me and one to him, then waited and saw where it ended up.

It came straight to me, so I put it back in the postbox and it came right back to me (even though the stamp had already been stamped). After the fourth time I got it back in the post we gave up.
( Ain't nothin' but the E to the M to the motherfuckin' V cyberpimp, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:21, archived)

you and your wacky antics!
=)
i wonder why it never went to your mate.....
( ivesb Assistant Clinical Physiologist extraordinary, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:22, archived)

No idea
he lives in Brighton, and we posted it in Brighton to begin with...every other time I sent it from London and it just came straight back
( Ain't nothin' but the E to the M to the motherfuckin' V cyberpimp, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:26, archived)

I have a friend that posted a leaf once.
Stuck a stamp on it, wrote his address on it, and posted it. He got it delivered too, but only because it wasn't worth stealing by the damn glasgow posties.
(stevkay, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:21, archived)

Ours regularly confuses the number "19" with the number "16"
because he's an idiot. If we did that, the square package would get hammered into the round hole.
(Al! is constantly suprised, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:34, archived)

brilliant
i love it
( lemonhead, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:13, archived)

how
will he get the star shape through?
(Astrid, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:38, archived)

That one
has to be lobbed over the house
( ropie a squid eating dough.., Wed 9 May 2007, 16:08, archived)

That's utter brill!

(DaveyDoodlebug is a doodley bugger, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:44, archived)

book book book book book!

( Obz Click, ting, stamps, Wed 9 May 2007, 20:16, archived)

I hate to be pedantic, but
Your parcels are Square, Triangle, Pentagon and Star.
Your doorholes are Square, Triangle, Pentagon and Circle.

An impossible task methinks.
(fastandfurryous What was the question again?, Wed 9 May 2007, 20:22, archived)

or...
an intelligence test?
( FatherJack /me belms, Thu 10 May 2007, 10:42, archived)

Our kids have devised a way of sending mail for free...
they draw a tea-pot where the stamp is and write the address in crayon's.
the sentimental fuckers delivery it..
true story that is. try it.
( war3n3xt 's lay line arse miners, Thu 10 May 2007, 10:27, archived)