Please Fred! Don't hurt 'em.
Aha! Time to dig this out again I feel!

The new updated Fred B'stard in the Daily Mail makes up for the lack of handheld tool porn in the original.
I have more of these, and will use them unless persuaded otherwise.
(
bedford van Shoddy Ideas, Shoddily Created, Fri 7 Mar 2008, 20:57,
archived)