Build a potato cannon
Pile in a load of dogshit and the phone, add petrol, drop a match in then fire at an Orphanage or nursing home.
(Smelch God says I'm a Pirate now. Yarr!, Sat 3 May 2008, 19:52, archived)

I would
But I've already willed all the orphans and OAPs today!
( riverghost http://www.b3ta.com/links/208153, Sat 3 May 2008, 19:54, archived)

DAMMIT!
My dreams are shattered.
(Smelch God says I'm a Pirate now. Yarr!, Sat 3 May 2008, 19:55, archived)