I'm still without imageready and photoshop, so no Patrick Stewart waving his head folds like a giant brain bug animation.
But nonetheless here's a Celebrity Mutant of some celebrity mutants.



From the Celebrity Mutants challenge. See all 461 entries (closed)

(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:03, archived)

mm jam orifice

( Mighty Nibus who dares gins, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:05, archived)

+10

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:05, archived)

+ 10 wizardry.

( Ttssattsr WERFS FLAMMEN, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:06, archived)

-5 Dex
+20 Str
+3 Dmg
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:07, archived)

Of rending
Double damage when striking 'tards
( Evilscary off lurking for a bit, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:09, archived)

However -2 Integrity on each use.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:10, archived)

Hammer of amazing thunderous smitation +10

( lordsaccharine my hat it has three cornets toot toot toot, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:10, archived)

Did you have to motion towards your crotch when you did that?

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:10, archived)

*raises eyebrow
maybe

*thrusts
( lordsaccharine my hat it has three cornets toot toot toot, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:15, archived)

I wish I was a boy.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:17, archived)

Yeah, this front bits are a perk.
But they do get in the way sometimes, or get all twsited up and need surgery, twice :-(

It's about equal, you get lovely boobs and intriguing crotch facilities of yr own. Oh, and babies, lovely babies grow in you.
( lordsaccharine my hat it has three cornets toot toot toot, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:22, archived)

And then have to come OUT

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:23, archived)

Yeah true
worth it tho
( lordsaccharine my hat it has three cornets toot toot toot, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:26, archived)

True, true.
Plus the boobs aren't as nice when they're yours. It's just two more things to worry about.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:28, archived)

Heh
Leaving the house:

keys, check
phone, check
turned off oven, check

boobs? Oh NO!
( lordsaccharine my hat it has three cornets toot toot toot, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:29, archived)

Pfft, I'm a worrier
for me leaving the house is:

Phone
Keys
Check patio doors
check hobs and oven
check heating's off
check hobs and oven
check patio doors
check heating's off
check lizard
check patio doors
check windows are locked
check lizard
keys
phone
check patio doors

THEN leave.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:32, archived)

Haha same!*
Borderline OCD I guess. I check every morning that the gas fires are switched off, despite the fact that we've not used either of them for over a month...

*EDIT except the lizard. We don't have any reptiles. That we're aware of.
( barryheadwound Mul - ti - pass? Multipass!, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:34, archived)

You just KNOW the day you don't check
will be the day you come back to NoHome.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:35, archived)

Too true...
*leaves*
*gets halfway to bus stop*
*returns to check door is properly locked*
( barryheadwound Mul - ti - pass? Multipass!, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:37, archived)

HAH I pull that trick.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:40, archived)

Welcome to the b3ta OCD society!

( barryheadwound Mul - ti - pass? Multipass!, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:44, archived)

There's a lizard in my kitchen I was not previously aware of
A tiny little gecko about an inch and a half long

Didn't half give me a fright this morning when it ran past my foot
( emvee I wanna do bad things to you, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:39, archived)

Where on earth do you live?

( barryheadwound Mul - ti - pass? Multipass!, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:40, archived)

Emerald Hill (which sounds like a Sonic Zone)
Somerset (which sounds like the west country)
Singapore
( emvee I wanna do bad things to you, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:41, archived)

AWWWW
Name it MiniFran!
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:41, archived)

I shall indeed
I tried to take a picture of it but it was too small even at full zoom :(

[edit]
it came out all blurry, then MiniFran ran away under the cooker
( emvee I wanna do bad things to you, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:43, archived)

AWWW!

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:50, archived)

nah seriously not worth it

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Wed 21 May 2008, 13:25, archived)

I'd love it. Just for a week or two.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:30, archived)

I have -x Charm

may be lurid spoken joke
(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:14, archived)

change charm to appeal.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:15, archived)

But appeal is not a RPG characteristic!
You are a nonsense.
(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:17, archived)

Works better vocally though....
Or pest. Maybe pest.

Or Yule offender. Nice and festive.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:18, archived)

To be honest a completely different joke would work better vocally...
My grandfather was a mime artist you know, left me his briefcase when he died.

Could never get it home though.
(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:19, archived)

Should I be ashamed that I giggled at that?

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:20, archived)

Yes, yes you should. I have about a billion of these too.
I really need an excuse to go to Fosters and look round the English department for some phrasology books because writing wordplay is getting exponentially harder.

Also I now seem to have the skull from that image I did burnt into my retina, as it keeps appearing in the white on my screen.
(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:24, archived)

I seem to remember my secondary school
having some interesting books on language, including some lovely old etymological dictionaries that smelt amazing.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:26, archived)

I just need one with lots of phrases, idioms, proverbs and such in.
"You know what they say, pride comes before of lions." - so I can do things like that.

Also I swear Fosters was the really old bookshop near leicester square, but googlemap says there is no bookshop on the corner at all now.
(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:30, archived)

Everything is changing.
The old bookshop in my town has gone, which is most annoying.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:33, archived)

I think it's unlikely to have gone, as it was the oldest bookshop in London.
Foyles, doh.

Still, I don't see why googlemap didn't show it with all the others under bookshops.

Also I really need to start writing now, but I swear each chapter is getting harder and I think that the next chapter will be a cakewalk then it manages to be more ridiculously stupid to write than the last.
If anyone knows how to write a icy post alien sex atmosphere and still make it actually funny, you'll have to get in touch with me...
(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:38, archived)

Oh FOYLES.
Riiiight.

I've heard of that one.

Have you done bullet points to plan your chapters?
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:39, archived)

The entire book is already written out in so much as the actual events (this is a rewrite remember)
It's just that making it funny, interesting or even vaguely well written is fucking difficult.

The original story made far too serious an attempt (and a really shit serious attempt at that) at showing the indecision in the main character's mind, and why despite the fact that an alien girl just jumped him and then cooked him breakfast afterwards he was still fairly nonplussed about the whole thing.
(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:44, archived)

Sounds like all men to me.
Nonplussed, angry or pompous.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:46, archived)

The main character was based on me.
So thanks for that one.

I still think terminal melacholy for a main character is a pretty brave choice though.
(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:53, archived)

it bloody better be there
i love that shop :(
( Tom O'Bedlam Fuck Boom Rapist, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:42, archived)

I hate to appear incredibly obtuse
but I am, so that's life. I am quite sure that this is exquisitely amusing but I just don't get it. Enlighten me, please.
(Fles is a man amongst gods., Wed 21 May 2008, 13:37, archived)

Which one, the mime or the -x joke?

(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:40, archived)

Damn
I was referring to the mime one, but both, actually. I must really be off form today.
(Fles is a man amongst gods., Wed 21 May 2008, 13:48, archived)

-x would be pronounced minor sex, thus Minor sex appeal or the various other things which were said up dere^
And the mime thing refers to the old mime routine of having a suitcase/briefcase that is immovable and they end up fighting with. I would find a video of the routine but I can only seem to find ropes and ladders on youtube.
(Jeru War and Piss, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:52, archived)

Thanks
It makes perfect sense now. I recall the mime now that you mention it and I should have got -x because I'm from the West Country originally.
(Fles is a man amongst gods., Wed 21 May 2008, 15:24, archived)

Overwhelming urge to put my hand in it.
Swirl it about a bit.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:05, archived)

That line never works for me

( Joe Scaramanga Reclaiming his face, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:08, archived)

You need to be holding presents in the other hand.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:09, archived)

Chocolate?

( Joe Scaramanga Reclaiming his face, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:15, archived)

At LEAST.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:16, archived)

Eeek
Nice

cor, only 3 more posts until i hit 2000!
( Evilscary off lurking for a bit, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:09, archived)

uuughhhhh....
*click*

there has been a lot of really gross but excellent posts recently; quite enjoying this TBH!
( theoriginalsteve back off, man, I'm a Scientist, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:10, archived)

They're awfully happy about it, which makes me happy about it too

( Tribs is out of chocolate on, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:20, archived)