B3TA : NEWSLETTER : FRIDAY GAMES ARCHIVE

FRIDAY GAMES ARCHIVE

Small Worlds
Found in newsletter: "u should make all the links in the 404 newsletter go to 404 pages. lol"

"Sea Dave has made this wonderful, melancholic
pixely game about exploring," boasts
stallion_explosion. "It won the cgdc6
competition, which means Sea Dave is the most
awesome person on the planet." The aim of the
game is simply to look everywhere until you
find the exit to the next level.
http://www.rathergood.com/small_worlds

Tetris stickman
Found in newsletter: "We posted this newsletter three weeks ago! Bloody Royal Mail."

Neat little game remix idea - you play a ninja
who has to avoid the falling Tetris blocks.
http://www.playtetrisgames.org/

Evacuation
Found in newsletter: "Jeffrey Dahmer just wanted to know what a baboon might taste like."

A fun little puzzle game based on the science
fiction staple: suck the alien out of the
airlock while keeping your guys inside.
Basically, Alien the 8-bit puzzle game.
http://www.foddy.net/Evacuation.html

Miami Shark
Found in newsletter: "YOUR LATEX VAGINA ORDER HAS BEEN DISPATCHED"

You play a shark - the aim of the game is to
dive deep, then rise to the surface to smash
boats, kill people and snatch helicopters out
of the sky with your massive, razor-sharp jaws.
It's amazing how perfectly the shark has
evolved to fill this particularly specialised
ecological niche.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/513760

Reducing games down to one click
Found in newsletter: "No + Rohypnol = Yes"

Occasionally we lay back and fantasise about
being extremely rich - we recently met some guy
who reckons a mate of his earned Ł0.5m via
flogging an iPhone game. Now, having an iPhone
our main problem with using them as gaming
devices is the interface - controlling a little
character going left/right/up/down etc via
tapping the screen is unsatisfactory, so we
reckon the secret is reducing gameplay down to
one click. We also reckon these people - if
they release an iPhone conversion - are about
to become very rich indeed.
http://adamatomic.com/canabalt/

This is only one level
Found in newsletter: "A G N B. That's bang out of order."

Sneaky little flash game by the same chap who
did the "Achievement Unlocked" game that we
featured a few months ago.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ArmorGames/this-is-the-only-level

I Say Potato, You Say Porn-star
Found in newsletter: "Read it here, or see it in The Sun with the tags cropped off"

Back in the dim distant past we used to run
either/or quizzes. The idea was to find things
that looked similar - say some pubes / beards
and then think of an awful name, say Tash or
Gash and job's a good 'un. This quiz is simply
subversion:
http://www.pornstarorpotato.com/

Name that Copyright Free Tune
Found in newsletter: "Who else's heart skips a beat when your girlfriend asks to use your PC?"

This is the last of the 7 games in our series -
"pimp b3tards to E4 so they can afford to buy
food." Produced by... well we'd like to name
this chap but he actually refuses to allow us
to use his name and wants to be credited as NTC
Inc. We like this one a lot actually, as it has
fun with the problem of doing a "name that
tune" style thing but having to keep it all
legal by using rubbish old tunes.
http://www.e4.com/game/name-that-copyright-free-tune/play.e4

Ready Steady Microwave
Found in newsletter: "We like to scare deaf people by yawning"

The latest in our elite stream of games made by
b3tans for e4. Monkeon challenges you to guess
what kind of ready-meal you're looking at, from
a close-up of the actual package contents.
Gruesome but fun.
http://www.e4.com/game/readymeals/index.html

Taglinr
Found in newsletter: "Was Jacko murdered? And more importantly, why didnt we think of it first?"

Can you match the tagline to the film? Your
Ginger Fuhrer and Question of the Week bloke,
Chthonicionic have made a quiz.
http://www.e4.com/game/taglinr/

Janey Thompson's Marathon
Found in newsletter: "You know it's a good poo when you come back and your screensaver's on."

Continuing our gamekeeper-turned-poacher
shenanigans, we've pimped another B3tan to E4
to make a flash game. Matt Round is a fucking
genius and we hope he sticks that on his CV.
His real-time all 26-mile marathon simulator is
a tour-de-force in retro gfx design. Even down
to the scanlines. C'mon! That's attention to
detail.
http://www.e4.com/game/janey-thomson-s-marathon/play.e4

Captcha Invaders
Found in newsletter: "FARRAH WHO?"

You know those useless series of letters you
have to type to convince websites that you're
human? What if that was turned into a game?
Another lovely thing produced by E4 asking your
Ginger Fuhrer to get the b3tans to make games
for them. Thank Matt Round for this one - he
really is a spiffing chap.
http://www.e4.com/game/captcha-invaders/play.e4

Do Yo Knowz Yo Showz?
Found in newsletter: "Wind turbines. We're big fans"

We've been working tirelessly behind the scenes
getting B3tans to make games for the E4 website
- the latest is NTC Inc's unique take on
internet quizzes.
http://www.e4.com/game/do-yo-knowz-yo-showz/play.e4

Herding kittens
Found in newsletter: "Appeal: Just Ł1 can buy another tripwire for Thatcher's house"

E4 has asked your Ginger Fuhrer to round up a
few B3tards to make some games - first off we
have Matt Round who brings you the 'Rather
Difficult game' where you have to nail jelly to
a wall, herd kittens and get toothpaste back
into the tube.
http://www.e4.com/game/rather-difficult-game/play.e4

Today I Die
Found in newsletter: "IT'S FRIDAY! GO HOME!"

Strange, poetic game from Daniel Benmergui,
whose previous title "I Wish I Were the Moon"
caused much blinking from people who dismiss
flash gaming as a load of crap. His latest
work, "Today I Die" won't win awards for the
longest game in the world, and starting will
make you scratch your head, but once you suss
the dragging words about you'll be charmed.
http://ludomancy.com/games/today.html

Rotatspin
Found in newsletter: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT"

Reductionism is a great way to bring a new
twist to an old idea. Traditional platform
games require you to move about and jump to
avoid the obstacles, but in Rotatspin, the
moving is done for you and you just need to
time when to jump. Brilliant.
http://armorgames.com/play/3577/rotatspin

Find the Key
Found in newsletter: "WE'RE EVEN LESS BUSY THAN ASHTON KUTCHER"

We used to drive our old flatmates insane by
constantly losing our keys and being locked
out, until one day, they bought us a chain and
said, "tie the fucking things to your belt and
stop waking us up at 3 in the morning." Maybe
you'll have more luck finding your keys in this
rather good game. Shame about the irritating
pre-roll ads.
http://www.bartbonte.com/meandthekey

Widescreen Tetris
Found in newsletter: "We'll never forget you Jane"

Things that have no need to be wider:

* Our fat internet bums
* Ladies' vagina bits
* And, of course, Tetris
http://sovietrussia.org/f/src/tetoris.swf

Ultimate Crab Battle
Found in newsletter: "B3ta to make 300 boarders redundant"

Jimkopelli shouts, "You lot have been slacking
off and not putting games in your newsletters
for a while - here, have one that skips all the
tedious levelling up and collecting items and
goes straight to the boss battle. It's as
absurd as Burn The Rope while also being on a
laser shark that poops torpedoes." This is win.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/wiesi/ultimate-crab-battle

Don't Poo Your Pants
Found in newsletter: "A lump in your inbox that should have been looked at sooner"

"I found this awesome game recently," shouts
Jody, "Simple narrative and very few options,
but enough scope (using achievements) for
players to replay several times. The
illustrations make it more interesting too."
http://snipurl.com/dontshityourpants

Because we can read Wikipedia too
Found in newsletter: "To unsubscribe from this newsletter please send Ł50 by PayPal"

* BUFFY FANS should check the torrents tonight
as Joss Whedon's new show Dollhouse is debuting
its pilot episode. Might be shit, who knows,
but we'll be watching.

* BLACK SABBATH released their debut album 29
years ago today. We still haven't listened to
it. Maybe next year.

* FORGOT to organise a timely Black Mass to
raise the Goat of Mendes? Don't worry, there's
another Friday the 13th following directly in
March.

Shopping Cart Hero
Found in newsletter: "To unsubscribe from this newsletter please send Ł50 by PayPal"

Before internet shopping, students used to
steal supermarkets shopping trolleys and use
them as gokarts. Relive the 90s now, lest we
should forget.
http://snurl.com/tesco_value_games

Perfect Balance
Found in newsletter: "NEWSLETTER CANCELLED DUE TO SNOW"

"Get The Balance Right" sang Depeche Mode,
possibly in a spooky premonition of this quirky
little web game. Still, it beats OD'ing on
heroin and cocaine speedballs and dying twice.
Yes Dave Gahan, we mean you. BTW: Dave's
parents worked on the buses; his dad drove
whilst his mother was a clippy.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ttursas/perfect-balance

Bastard Tetris
Found in newsletter: "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit packing water wings"

"It's just Tetris yes," says
VampireMonkeyOnSpeed, "But unlike normal
Tetris, it looks at the board, decides what
piece would be most useful and then makes sure
you don't get it. Bastard. I managed to get
one line."
http://l0ser.net/src/as3/bastet/

I made this. You play this. We are enemies.
Found in newsletter: "If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?"

In a title weirdly reminiscent of the Manic
Street Preachers, "This is my truth, tell me
yours" comes a game that makes less sense than
your Ginger Fuhrer after a night on the
heroins. And much like opiates, it is good, oh
so good.
http://www.secrettechnology.com/madethis/enemy6.html

Energy bouncing
Found in newsletter: "Burn calories - set a fatty on fire"

Our abilities to describe flash games decrease
as the years go by. Um, there's this whitish
stuff that's a bit like water, and you position
some thingies to make it bounce to the end bit.
You'll like it.
http://www.playauditorium.com/#index

Mental cooking thing
Found in newsletter: "WE'LL ONLY LEAK OUR MAILING LIST FOR COLD HARD CASH"

"PETA have apparently lost their minds and made
a parody of a game called Cooking Mama for the
DS.", writes n.d.turton, "They were upset with
the fact that it features too much meat, so
they made an ironic version which called
'Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals'. I think
they intended it to be shocking, but it's
actually rather cool and I imagine much better
than the original."
http://www.peta.org/cooking-mama/index.asp?c=pcmgb08

BTW: We've stuck up an archive of all the old
Friday Games. Thanks Cr3 for coding that for
us. Woo hoo.
http://b3ta.com/funstuff/games/

Caption the photo
Found in newsletter: "How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?"

Think you're funny? The challenge is to write a
lol-worthy caption for a random photo in under
a minute, and beat the other players in the
round. We absolutely loved playing this and
this week we've found ourselves coming back
time and time again.
http://captionx.com/

Stock market game
Found in newsletter: "Hitting your inbox for merely a second before being forwarded to Ofcom"

Best idea we've seen for a while - takes
snapshots of real sharetrading prices from
history and you click buy or sell. That we lost
$70k in 5 minutes suggest that we're best
staying well away from the real thing. Genius
stuff.
http://www.inspectd.com/

Short-term memory
Found in newsletter: "Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand placed on Sachs offenders register"

Heathens who believe in 'science' rather than
God reckon that your short-term memory can only
store 7 items before its DNA devolves into
monkeys. Prove them wrong with this memorable
puzzler.
http://neutralx0.net/home/mini04.html

Blocks with Letters On
Found in newsletter: "Spinning Oriental people round and making them disorientated"

Dull name, great game. Push the blocks round a
maze until you get them to spell a word. The
animations when you complete a level are funny
too.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/Morpheme/blocks-with-letters-on

The eyeballing game
Found in newsletter: "Investing in sperm banks three times a day"

Think you're a man? Think you know a right
angle when you see one? Put your geek skills to
the test in this acute challenge of obtuse
geometry.
http://woodgears.ca/eyeball/

The return of...
Found in newsletter: "Tony Hart can't masturbate no more *cries*"

"Why no weekly game for the last few weeks?"
implores stripeertw. "I live for the weekly
game. Please don't expect me to get through my
week to finally arrive at a Friday, getting
home to find my weekly game fix is just not
there." Thank goodness that this week Niklas
has sent us something nice. Swing the wrecking
ball to fend off hostile blue squares. Fucking
blue squares. Always looking to start
something, aren't they?
http://www.lofiminds.com/blog/static.php?page=xwung

Word fragments game
Found in newsletter: "Armless man enters wanking competition and comes last"

You have to reassemble a list of words that
have been split in half. A lot harder than it
sounds. Should comfortable kill a couple of
hours.
http://www.boomj.com/?page=games/default&brainGame=87

Oh fuck, we didn't back up
Found in newsletter: "WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF A SNAKE WAS LIKE A CUDDLY SCARF?"

Continuation of our E4 "build a game" project,
and being complete idiots we've ballsed it all
up with a hard disk crash. All the data is
lost.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-06.html

Thankfully E4 are being nice about it, and
promise not to set fire to our house if we
give their compo a few more plugs. OK - here
we go. Listen up kids! Make a flash game -
there's Ł5k on the table and your Ginger
Fuhrer is one of the judges.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/enter.html

But on a more playful note - this game, sent
in by Rhodri, is excellent. He writes, "I
can't stop. It's killing me."
http://puzzles.com.br/puzzle/totem-destroyer/

E4 Game thingie
Found in newsletter: "Julie Moult is an Idiot"

Please make puzzles! We've connected an early
version of our cat-killing, flame-dodging
Sokoban game Psycho Fireman to a wiki to allow
you to create your own levels - we'd love you
to join in. JOIN US.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Wiki_puzzle_game

Spin the 3D Objects
Found in newsletter: "Another shit joke about cancer? Oh goody!"

Here's a novel idea: rotate the object to find
the correct viewing angle to reveal the 2D
shape. It's all about perspective innit?
http://www.bobblebrook.com/games/coign-of-vantage

>> Win Ł5k for creating a flash game <<
Our tutorial stuff continues with "how to cheat
at graphics" where we reveal the secrets of the
Illuminati. Remember - it's a BIG FUCKING
PRIZE. Well Ł5k is better than jack-shit anyway.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-04.html

Friday Games
Found in newsletter: "What's the name of the condition that killed off..."
Write a flash game and win Ł5k

The competition at E4 continues, and your
newsletter team are in week 3 of writing their
game. We're doing this to encourage YOU to
enter, if that's not clear enough!
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-03.html

Looking for an actual game rather than our sexy
blitherings? Then try this - it's mental.
http://b3ta.com/links/Its_Intensely_annoying_Japanese_game_time

Most common words
Found in newsletter: "If you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God we only drink every night"

Can you guess what are the 50 most-used words
in the English language? Sadly 'lol' and 'teh'
aren't there.
http://snurl.com/commonwords [codebox_no-ip_net]

Continuing our game diary for E4, this week
there's about 4 pages of it as we horrifically
overwrote.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-02.html

E4 flash game compo
Found in newsletter: "90% of dogs in Korea are inbred. Like in a sandwich or something"

We're helping the E4 site run a flash games
competition. The prize? Ł5k. Our bit? We're
making a game and a diary of our progress, read
the first bit here. And feel free to either
enter the challenge with your own game or help
us make ours. Read on, gentle readers, read on.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-01.html

Heath Robinson game
Found in newsletter: "...CHIPS IT IS THEN, say Portuguese Police"

Our favourite-ever PC game was The Incredible
Machine, so quite why we didn't linky this last
week is anyone's guess, as it was all over the
interwebs and some of you wrote in to complain
about its absence. Haven't you got anything
better to do? Like eat cake?
http://fantasticcontraption.com/

Splashback
Found in newsletter: "The internet equivalent of a bulimic's index finger"

Add fluid to the ominous, green droplets,
hopefully bursting them and clearing the screen
with ricocheting goo. BTW: Got to wonder about
the name splashback - surely that's slang for
when you piss in an urinal and it splashes your
leg. Yum.
http://www.funny-games.biz/splash-back.html

Doors
Found in newsletter: "Helping fatties get fatter since 2001"

You play Jim Morrison, looking for lizards in
the desert. When you die, you get to play it
again as Val Kilmer - and then as Ian Astbury.
Sadly we're telling porkies, but still, this is
a good game.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/soapaintnice/open-doors

Puzzlefarter
Found in newsletter: "Guest-Written by Dr Raj Persaud"

We've always theorised that Marry Poppins
powered her upwards flight by guffing under her
starchy skirts, but it never occurred to us that
this would be a great idea for a game. Fools
that we are. BTW: Press the up key twice,
you'll get the hang of it.
http://puzzlefarter.com/

Doodle Defender
Found in newsletter: "Panic buy petrol - it's about to run out!"

Arcade classic with a twist - you get to design
what the ships look like. Yes, ours was a
shoot-out between crudely-drawn cocks. You
perhaps were expecting us to say that.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doodle_defender

Two games? Ambassador, you're spoiling us!
Found in newsletter: "Knifeus Expeliarmus"

>> Spelling race <<
Intended for kids but wasted on them. Spell
words correctly and race live online against
other webmongs. We're not 100% convinced it has
the right spelling for everything but maybe
that's a reflection on us rather than the game.
http://tutpup.com/plays/new/2-word-game

>> The Debut Album Game <<
A random wikipedia article for your band name,
a random quote for your title and a random
flickr pic for the album cover. Surprisingly
compelling way to pass the time, particularly
if you fancy yourself as something of a graphic
designer.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Your_Debut_Album

Spot the difference
Found in newsletter: "Dandruff: The poor man's parmesan"

Readers of rubbish celebrity mags will be
familiar with seeing two pics side by side with
minor differences - a third nipple on Kelly
Brook or a cock on Jordan. This works on the
same principle, but has a curiously mellow vibe.
http://www.crazymonkeygames.com/6-Differences.html

Human brain cloud
Found in newsletter: "Did everyone in China jump up and down at the same time?"

Type the first word or phrase that comes to
mind to contribute to huge word association
clouds. Score points by guessing the same as
many people have before. Or simply sit, typing
random words for hours with no clear idea why,
as the effect is kind of hypnotic.
http://humanbraincloud.com/

Dinorun
Found in newsletter: "I for one welcome our new bumbling idiot overlord"

Cute, retro-style running game - keep your tiny
dinosaur ahead of the pyroclastic wall of
death, else you'll go extinct! Extremely quick
and gets very tense when you're just one step
ahead of fiery doom.
http://pixeljam.com/dinorun/

Perfect Pitch Game
Found in newsletter: "The Sound of Music 2: The Von Trapped family"

Being crap musicians we've delighted in playing
this 'can you guess the note' game, and we've
concluded that we haven't got perfect pitch
(far from it), but our relative pitch is fine.
Woohoo.
http://detrave.net/nblume/perfect-pitch/

Burn the rope
Found in newsletter: "Welcoming the paedos that Facebook bans"

"Have you received about 5000 emails about this
yet?" asks tismselfstorage, "You should have.
It's the best game ever." Heh, he has a point,
we enjoyed it muchly and wonder if it's making
not-so-subtle reference to Portal.
http://www.mazapan.se/games/BurnTheRope.php

What's your porn score?
Found in newsletter: "Not the only hour you'll lose this weekend"

Bored out of our tiny minds whilst filling in a
tax return we invented a game: type 'tits' into
a google image search and see how many pages
you have to go before you can name an actress.
The lower the score, the hairier your palms.
BTW: Our score was 9, which surprised us
slightly.
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=tits

Pattern matching
Found in newsletter: "We shagged Paul McCartney and all we got was this lousy newsletter"

"Here's a painfully addictive game for you to
subject your readers to," informs heilbush,
"It's another Tetris clone, with a few
interesting concepts thrown in." The Official
B3ta Wife approves of this game and it sent her
into an OCD spin of muttering numbers under her
breath. It was like watching Rainman with
tits.
http://www.chainfactor.com/

Ball thingie
Found in newsletter: "YOUR INBOX IS A JERSEY CARE HOME AND WE'RE THE POLICE"

In what is probably our favourite flash game
since Kebabtris, comes 'Filler' which defies
description but if it was available on our
mobile phone we'd never get off the bus.
http://www.freegamesnews.com/en/games/2008/Filler.html

Hooray! and Boo! game
Found in newsletter: "Pig meat - it's snorty but nice"

'When me and my mates were kids, we used to
play the "HOOORAY! and BOO!" game,' roars
fazza99, 'The rules are pretty simple: Someone
suggests something that makes everyone go
"HOOORAY!" and someone else has to come up with
a answer that makes people go "BOO!" e.g. "My
folks are going away for a week (HOORAY!) My
baby-sitter's Gary Glitter (BOO!)"'

Or if you fancy your Friday gaming treats to be
new school, then we've been enjoying this. It's
on the web and everything. Woo hoo!
http://www.flashninjaclan.com/zzz883.php

Spinning spike maze
Found in newsletter: "In a moment of madness I took sexual advantage of this newsletter but I didn't kill it."

Simple but infuriatingly tough, in the way we
like these things here: rotate the maze to
guide a little ball to the exit. We liked the
soundtrack too - full of the pathos inherent in
being a tiny, spinning ball trapped in a black
iron maze of doom. The first proper level after
the tutorials end made us laugh with its crazy
harditude.
http://onemorelevel.com/game/spin_the_black_circle

White Dwarf
Found in newsletter: "Showcasing the awesome power of boredom"

Simple, addictive; collect the green balls then
touch a blue ball to bank your points. Avoid
the red balls. Red balls are death! Got it?
Great. It's slightly trickier than it looks.
Nothing particularly whitey or dwarfey about it
though, which was a very mild disappointment.
http://whitedwarfgame.com/

Time-travelling cursors
Found in newsletter: "Wanted: New Presenter for Children's TV Series. Must like getting hands dirty"

This game records your cursor movements as you
run through a maze and you wind up
collaborating with past versions of yourself
in order to get past obstacles. A bit tricky
at first but what a clever idea!
http://www.nekogames.jp/mt/2008/01/cursor10.html

Don't let go! returns!
Found in newsletter: "Happy Easter!"

A b3ta favourite from some time ago, AKX has
revamped his internet version of 'Touch the
truck' for a new generation of powerful
machines.
http://servut.us/akx/dlg2/

Film Sequels
Found in newsletter: "It's a party in your mouth and everyone is coming"

Bored in a DVD store? Your newsletter team
recently visited what was once Virgin in
Camden and spent a happy half hour looking at
all the boxes and thinking of rubbish sequels
ideas.

* President Kong - he's in The White House and
going APE!

* Two Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - When love
meets it's mad!

* And finally, read this as you might imagine
someone pitching an idea to a Hollywood agent
over lunch, "Danny Devito, Arnold
Schwarzenegger and.... Samuel L. Jackson
in.... TRIPLETS!"

See, it's never dull when the newsletter team
go DVD shopping.

Kebabtris
Found in newsletter: "A not-for-prophet publication"

If this game was available for our phone, we'd
never get off the Tube. To play it is to be
addicted.
http://franksemails.com/shockwave/souvlaki-tetris.swf

Nerds and fluff
Found in newsletter: "the Karma Sutra for the single man"

>> Name all the HTML elements <<
We know we have two kinds of reader here at
b3ta. Here's a test to see just how strong
your net nerd credentials are by naming as
many HTML elements as you can in 5 minutes. To
our dismay we only got 41. Stupid

crap...
http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/html_quiz

>> Catch the cat <<
And for the rest of you; try to keep the cat
from running off the screen. At least, that's
what we're guessing. There isn't a lot of
feedback when you do it. For the trouble the
damn thing gave us, we were wanting a poison
dart to punish the pesky feline.
http://www.gamedesign.jp/flash/chatnoir/chatnoir.html

Blocked out!
Found in newsletter: "The Favourite Read of the Tapas Bar Nine"

50 levels of red-hot gaming action, provided
your definition of 'red-hot' tallies with ours.
Move the brown block to the end of the maze,
with rebounds from the side walls being your
only means of manoeuvring. A low-key puzzler
that gets quite challenging as you ratchet up
the levels.
http://www.addictinggames.com/blockout.html

Super-fun wordy double bill!
Found in newsletter: "Swirly Face Man's Favourite Links"

>> Word web <<
Word association game. Fill up the whole
network by guessing the connections between
words. We're not sure we really got the trick
of it, but it certainly kept us entertained for
a number of minutes.
http://shygypsy.com/farm/p.cgi

>> What's the definition? <<
You're presented with a word and four choices
of possible meaning. Simple enough. The twist?
They're donating rice to hungry people for
every answer you get right. Actually, one of
these where they send increasing amounts of
pizza round our house would be quite nice.
http://www.freerice.com/index.php

Winterbells
Found in newsletter: "Arthur Scargill: a biography of a miner celebrity (And still only 55p!)"

Just how does Ferry Halim do it? How does he
make things of such glowing beauty just from
globbing a few clumps of Flash together? Here,
you play a snowy bunny, hopping along a trail
of silver bells high into the crystal-clear
winter sky. Only 80 wanking days to jizzmass
etc.
http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/bells.htm

Ramps
Found in newsletter: "It's not gay unless you get hard too"

MISSION OBJECTIVE: You are a god-like
mouse-pointer whose one goal in life is to
make balls go into buckets. Using only your
power to arrange the angle of the shelves you
see before you, can you fulfil your life's
destiny?
http://www.tylersticka.com/2007/08/03/ramps/

Anti-Pacman
Found in newsletter: "Celebrating 20 years of Bad AIDS"

Simple but engaging idea here: a version of
Pacman where you play the ghosts. In lieu of
anything better to say, the best ever Pacman
joke is "If Pacman had affected us as kids,
we'd all be running around in dark rooms,
munching pills and listening to repetitive
electronic music." Whereas the second-best is
a pie-chart bisected to look exactly like our
yellow friend with the legend 'Percentage of
chart which resembles Pacman.'
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/394419

Shooty Physics Madness
Found in newsletter: "As used for 'Research' by Chris Langham"

Bored pushing biros into your genitals to make
them fire off in some kind of bic shooting
cockapault? Then you need to play this rather
absorbing little gamette.
http://snipurl.com/super_woo_fun_time

Tetris - drag'n'drop
Found in newsletter: "WE AR IN UR BBC RIGGNG UR COMPOS"

The interface innovations of the early 90s have
finally been brought to everyone's favourite
pentomino-based gaming-heroin. Kinda fun in a
'Windows 3.1 on your Gameboy' sorta way.
http://gcgz.com/inflash/list/x.php?check=1&link_id=10608

Bloxxors Roxxors
Found in newsletter: "Welcome to Sheffield, twinned with Atlantis"

Loving this 'can you roll the block into the
hole' game, great idea and lovely execution.
BTW: Nintendo, if you're listening, why not
great a "best 50 games from the web" package
for the DS, and include most of the stuff we've
linked in this section for the last few years.
We'd buy it anyway.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/bloxorz

Flute hero!
Found in newsletter: "Urban Turban Ban Banter"

You know those Playstation games where get to
live our your dreams of widdling a sonic-axe
like Eddie Van Halen? Hats off to the genius
who thought it would be a good idea to apply
the format to playing the bloody flute. BTW: We
just considered using the word flautist and
found this amusing note from Wikipedia, 'James
Galway summed up the way many players of the
flute feel about "flautist", saying, "I am a
flute player, not a flautist. I don't have a
flaut, and I've never flauted."'
http://www.dr.dk/spil/floejtehero/popup/

Crosswordy challenge
Found in newsletter: "DOT COTTON'S DOTCOM COT CON"

Like one of those newspaper puzzles - fill in
the missing spaces with selected letters from
the right-hand side. Gets a lot harder with
embarrassing swiftness.
http://militantplatypus.com/games/gamepage.php?game=crossword

Breakout VS Bejewelled
Found in newsletter: "Find Maddie and win an iPod Nano!"

Often enjoy the concept of gluing two games
together to made a third. Surprisingly playable.
http://www.spellenservice.nl/spellen/1366-Fun%252520game.html

Release! Cat with Bow Golf!
Found in newsletter: "How to tell where your cat has been by smelling its breath."

Vague descriptions of link. Obscure reference
to childhood experience. Weak joke about penis.
Finish with, "we scored three, maybe you can do
better?"
http://ishi.blog2.fc2.com/blog-entry-211.html?new

Invisible Cursor
Found in newsletter: "It's the tenants Fred West rejects that makes Fred West the best"

There's something incredibly disconcerting
about having your mouse pointer suddenly made
invisible - it's like your hand going to sleep
and unexpectedly poking you in the eye. This
clay pigeon shoot-style game gives you a couple
of free shots and then rapidly becomes a hectic
test of spatial awareness as the cursor
vanishes.
http://tinyurl.com/2jywy5

Merge the ladybirds
Found in newsletter: "Cut out my eyes, I've bought a guide dog!"

Perhaps the most peculiar games concept we've
featured here. Stop the ladybirds from falling
off the stump. Try to merge them into one.
http://www.donpixel.com/play/en/060413201807/

Guess my age
Found in newsletter: "Teh Times Litterarry Supplement"

Continuing the techniques of hotornot,
rapemykitten and famousr, we've been enjoying
this 'guess the age' game. Being clever sods,
we're very good at it.
http://www.guessmyage.net/

Clicky round thing
Found in newsletter: "See You Later Masturbator - In A While Paedophile"

In a parallel universe Underworld are currently
singing, "clicky clicky round thing, clicky
clicky round thing", as we've entitled this
rather woosome little challenge. It's a
frustrating little fucker.
http://www.k2xl.com/games/boomshine/

Who's more famous?
Found in newsletter: "If she tells you her age and uses a fraction. She's too young."

Fraser of Kittenwar sends us this message on
his rivals, "Like Kittenwar, but for
celebrity. The streaks and scores are a really
nice addition." Kept us entertained for the
proverbial five minutes anyway.
http://www.famousr.com/

The Ultimate Quiz
Found in newsletter: "Our inner paedophile fucking your inner child"

Mammoth Flash-based quiz testing your ability
to think laterally or, in some cases, just
exactly like the guy who built the thing.
Despite the somewhat randomly unjust nature of
some of the answers, this kept us happily
bashing away for longer than just about
anything else in the newsletter this week.
http://snipurl.com/best_quiz_evah

Five Minutes to kill yourself
Found in newsletter: "The best of Nuts"

Looks like this is to promote some TV station,
but sod it, the premise is great and the
execution top-notch. Worth five mins of your
time.
http://www.adultswim.com/games/fiveMinutes/index.html

Binary Game
Found in newsletter: "Get your cock out, it's Friday"

Girls! Unlike the sponsored link for Nivea butt
cream, this link isn't for you. It's for boys,
very geeky boys who like nerding out on binary.
We found it quite satisfying as it made us feel
clever.
http://forums.cisco.com/CertCom/game/binary_game_page.htm

TRON
Found in newsletter: "Red Nose Day - illegal??""

Ah, a classic blast from the ancient past.
Nothing really innovative here, but the simple,
clean execution kept us playing for a good
twenty minutes.
http://www.fltron.com/index_flash.html

Sticky game
Found in newsletter: "Drilled beefs!"

"A game from the same guy who did 'Double
Wires' that you featured not too long ago,"
mouths smirt362, "There is a structure and at
the top of the structure is a star. The goal
is to remove as many sticks as possible from
the structure before it collapses and the star
falls below the line." Get it? Good.
http://ishi.blog2.fc2.com/blog-entry-206.html

Balance thing-ma-bob
Found in newsletter: "Not free as in beer, free as in AIDS"

"I want to set a record in the number of
Friday Games I can get in the newsletter,"
lies kingjay, "Well, I don't have life and my
therapist said I should to try to achieve
something. And this is real British as well!
Isn't that fun? It's with a stick and balls.
That should count for something." Good game,
woo.
http://www.alexheaton.co.uk/games/tilt2/Tilt2.swf

Pong / Balance game
Found in newsletter: "Leaves your breath, Nescafe fresh"

Fiendishly tricky and yet so basic you kick
yourself when you fail at it, this is classic
Friday Game territory. The idea is to keep
both balls in the air for as long as possible
- when they fall you get a sarcastic little
French comment about your level of
intelligence. Trivia fact: Babelfish gives
'shitting' as the translation of 'chiant'.
Hmm.
http://www.zanorg.com/prodperso/jeuxchiants/doublejeu.htm

Warioware game-a-like
Found in newsletter: "Download our Sick Joke Book for Free. Yes, free. THANKS B3TA"

"I've found a very entertaining little thing,"
confides Yeknom, "it would make a lovely
Friday game." Indeed it does, and we're
looking forward to the Wii versions of similar
ideas too.
http://www.armorgames.com/games/foursecondfrenzy_popup.html

Rube Goldburger machine
Found in newsletter: "Why has Shilpa not apologised for 9/11?"

Arrange the pieces of this convoluted machine
so that it delivers a nice burger and shake
for your dinner. Just tough enough to be a bit
of a challenge and very pleasing when you
finally get it right.
http://flowmachine.free.fr/wiiflow/wii4/lunchtime.swf

Nintendo advent calendar
Found in newsletter: "Your 'Trampvent' calendar"

Unlike most online advent calendars, which are
shit, this one offers you something good -
almost as good as the actual chocolate you get
with a real one. The game is, basically, Mario
as a snowman - but that's no bad thing at all.
http://www.mission-in-snowdriftland.com/

Human Cannonball game
Found in newsletter: "Heil Honey, I'm Home"

Can you fire the little man onto the safe
trampoline without killing him? So good, we
didn't even notice that it's a promo for some
mints until the official B3ta wife pointed it
out. Gah, fuck it. Who cares, as long as it's
fun.
http://www.altoids.com/play.do?id=17979

Tricky, trickzy game
Found in newsletter: "A load of toss-bollocks for you to stick in your browser-cunts"

"This link asks 'are you smart?'", mews
Monkeycat, "Well, it appears I'm not as my
record score is 20.101 seconds." A devilishly
difficult multitasking game, can you beat
Monkeycat?
http://www.zanorg.com/prodperso/jeuxchiants/doublejeu.htm

Pixel Blaster
Found in newsletter: "Buy our book, else we'll shit through your letterbox"

"Maybe you guys will enjoy," speculates Tom
Thornton, "my latest game creation." Woo, kept
us busy for a few mins.
http://snipurl.com/rastapastablaster

Infuriating memory game
Found in newsletter: "Don't google for meatotomy"

We like simple games and they don't come much
simpler than this. Shapes are added one at a
time and you have to click on the newbie.
Actually, the simplicity is what makes it
infuriating - the higher it gets, the more
reluctant you get to make an embarrassingly
easy mistake.
http://www.vivalagames.com/play/picto/

Drag the dot to the square
Found in newsletter: "Your weekly barrage of filth"

Can you drag the dot through an increasingly
complex maze of moving shapes? We can't, but
then we're completely shit at computer games.
BTW: This is loads better than it sounds.
Trust us.
http://wiredpope.com/sticks.html

Geography test
Found in newsletter: "Stinky linky from our pinky winky"

Think you know where your countries are? This
Google Maps hack is testing to the point of
making us feel stupid.
http://www.mindpicnic.com/maps-quiz/

Game for mentalists
Found in newsletter: "If we had a spoon for every reader, we'd live like a spoon king"

It's Dance Dance Revolution meets Tempests and
it's so fast as to completely do our heads in.
http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/SpinItUp.php

Memory thingie
Found in newsletter: "Horrid links, torrid tales, florid prose"

Can you remember all the spots? We couldn't
because we're thick and dribble quite a lot.
http://www.robotubegames.com/games/zyrx.swf

Dragon's Lair made by cheese-tards
Found in newsletter: "Making Paul Daniels paranoid, every Friday, for five years"

Old cunts will remember Dragon's Lair from the
Arcades in the 80s. It featured 'real cartoon
graphics' via a 'laserdisk'. The downside
being that the gameplay was crap. Our man here
has remade the experience, but with really
perfunctory visuals and somehow, it's utterly
great. Or so annoyingly tricky that we started
giggling anyway.
http://www.studiohunty.com/dungeon/

Google game
Found in newsletter: "8===W=) is ASCII for wanking"

Can you guess the search phrase from the page
of results returned by Google? Kept us busy for
10 minutes anyway.
http://gwigle.varten.net/

Two for the price of zero. We spoil you
Found in newsletter: "This subject line has absolutely nothing to do with the content"

>> Wanker <<
Keep pumping up a succession of slowly-diminishing
rods or else you die. A challenging wank-action
based game. The tagline, "Flex like a whore,
fall wanking to the floor."
http://homokaasu.org/gasgames/game.gas?25

>> Four second fury! <<
Not just one game this, but a whole herd of
incredibly simple games. The twist is you have
just four seconds to complete each one. Intense!
http://www.armorgames.com/games/foursecondfury_popup.html

Ice-wall smashing game
Found in newsletter: "lots and lots of stuff that you'll want to click on and it's very good"

This week's intensely irritating game sees you
running face-first at barriers of ice blocks.
Time your punches badly and you smash your head
in. Tricky, but the little 'success' animation
keeps you wanting to carry on playing.
http://snipurl.com/bigwallofrape

Planarity
Found in newsletter: What's orange and looks good on a hippy?

Arrange the lines so that none of the vertices
overlap. Simple for the first couple of levels,
then fiendishly difficult and worth a fairly
lengthy perusal.
http://www.planarity.net/

Sketchy platform game
Found in newsletter: "Roll your own Tampons"

Loving this hard-drawn reworking of the old
Sonic game. Should keep you busy if you're
not allowed to look at porn in your office.
http://hallpass.com/media/fancypantsadventure.html

Two-headed hydra of gaming doom
Found in newsletter: "How do you get a one armed Irishman out of a tree?"

* MONG OUT - dope smokers will enjoy this game
of 'your the pretty little blob and you the
only way forward is to eat all the other
blobs.' A metaphor for life really. Assuming
you're caned.
http://intihuatani.usc.edu/cloud/flowing/core.html

* STING GAME - more of an arcade game this one,
can you guide the string around the maze
without hitting the walls? We can't. But then
we from suffer partial muscle paralysis,
often accompanied by loss of sensation and
uncontrollable body movements or tremors.
http://www.zeronews-fr.com/flash/string-avoider.php

Nice Tank Game
Found in newsletter: "Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?"

So many web games spack out on the graphics
so much that they run like a pig and there
is no gameplay. Nice to see someone kicking
it old school with some original vector
flavours. The AI is a bit poxy on the early
levels but it soon picks up into a fantastic
game of Tank vs Tank action. Woos all round.
http://www.turbotanks.com/

Obsessive-Compulsive game
Found in newsletter: "No wanking in the showers"

Straightening cutlery and cleaning up messes
are very much the order of the day in this
multi-level game based on mentally-ill TV
detective Monk. And surprisingly satisfying
it all is too. Perhaps enough that we might
give the housework a quick spin after this.
Perhaps not though.
http://snipurl.com/monkgame

Tactical Assassin
Found in newsletter: "What's red, white, fluffy and sits in a tree?"

Viewing the world through the narrow tunnel of
your sniper scope, it's your job to assassinate
key stickman bad guys as a government marksman.
It's kind of disturbing that thegun you're meant
to be using is described in detail, while the
human targets remain indistinct. Although, if
being a state-sponsored assassin is really this
much fum, we are in the wrong job.
http://www.freeworldgroup.com/games2/gameindex/tacticalassassin.htm

Bouncing panda
Found in newsletter: "The offensive wanking game"

It's hard to improve on a classic, but this
version of Arkanoid benefits from the addition
of cute pandas, an unchallenging difficulty
level and a soundtrack based on the pentatonic
scale. Incidentally, that's the same scale John
Lennon used to write 'Jealous Guy', fact fans.
http://www.rubytooth.com/media/36703/

Bouncy game
Found in newsletter: "Bohemian Rhapsody Vs. Lost"

This game scores points for its sheer oddness.
Can you bounce the blocks to hit the heads of
the other characters on the screen? Kept us
busy for oooh 5 minutes.
http://www.rubilon.kulichki.com/games/brosocen.html

Robot maze thing
Found in newsletter: "Go web go!"

Robot. Maze. Things. Clicky. Game. Woo. Quite.
Hard. No. Idea. Why. I'm. Pressing. The. Full.
Stop. Key. Every. Word. Maybe. It's. Because.
Someone. Nicked. My. Laptop. C. U. N. T. S.
http://www.gamedesign.jp/flash/maze/maze.html

Geeky chess game
Found in newsletter: Issue 199: "Shit special!"

Can you cover all the points on a board using
only a knight? Remember, knights move in an
L-shape and are a little unpredictable. Like it.
http://www.troyis.com/troyis.php

Double game special
Found in newsletter: Issue 198: "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!111111"

We a reader the other day who said, "I really
miss the Friday game section." Well, we haven't
abandoned it, but we only run it when we get
a game we really like. And this week, we've got
two. Huzzah.

>> Hyperframe <<
You'll have to sit through an annoying ad first,
but live with it, Hyperframe rocks. A 3d puzzle
game, where you connect lines up on the cube.
Gets increasingly hard, but wonderfully done,
complete with amusingly crappy vocodered music.
http://snipurl.com/hyperpoo

>> Atom game <<
Another puzzle game. Can you spot the pattern
here? We're not hardcore gamers at B3ta HQ
and prefer a nice round of Freecell (or even
Mario Kart double dash) to all that first-person
shooter nonsense that sells Playstations.
Anyway, this should keep you busy, alright?
http://www.atome.bliesch.com/atome.php3

Jumpy block puzzle game
Found in newsletter: Issue 195 -"Can give you something with a blue vein in it?"

The aim of the game is to remove all pieces by
jumping on them. We're pretty sure we played
some thing similar on the Spectrum back in the
the day. But the concept still rocks, and it
would make a great game for a mobile phone.
http://lightforce.freestuff.gr/tilox.php

Leapy stickman game
Found in newsletter: Issue 194 - "Pegging"

Enjoyed this inertia based take on the Manic
Miner game, leap about like a furious pig and
collect the objects. Tricky controls and great
gameplay. Much like our cocks.
http://70.84.34.106/~mediaun/ngame.swf

Cursor thief
Found in newsletter: Issue 191: "Have you seen the size of my crack?"

Keep your mouse-pointer safe from this
persistent little cursor-stealing shit, who'll
stop at nothing to grab a hold of it and smugly
taunt you in Japanese. Brilliant and infuriating.
http://www.onemorelevel.com/games/avoider.html

One-key gaming
Found in newsletter: Issue 190: "Flip out like a ninja"

There's a school of thought that successful
web gaming has fuck-all to go with X-boxes and
3D visuals and everything to do with "here's
a quick novelty, have a go." This game is
all novelty and, frankly, we're wishing we'd
thought of it. Damn.
http://www.juno.dti.ne.jp/~logicp/program/kax2003/kax2003.html

Brick wall leveller
Found in newsletter: Issue 184 - "The Singing Arsehole"

Like a cross between Tetris and Break Out on
special cuteness drugs. You have to level the
walls as much as you can before the time runs
out and, lo, there is much twee squeaking.
http://www.sobicsschool.com/fun/fun_game2.swf

Crappy Nappies
Found in newsletter: Issue 181: "Barbie on the Blob"

It's not often you'll get pissed on by a flying
alien in nappies, but this short little game's
got that and lots more frankly bonkers Japanese
animation. When the whistle blows it's up to you
to drag things around to get to the next bit.
http://www.page.sannet.ne.jp/akira-iga/survivoo/index.html

Kittens and squares
Found in newsletter: Issue 179: "Introducing the Phallic Logo Award"

>> Kitten rubber-band attack <<
Defend your home from an infestation of horribly
cute kittens by shooting them down with rubber
bands from your fingers. Satisfying kitten-flick
action.
http://games.leenks.com/?page=game&gid=47

>> Bridge the grid <<
This apparently simple board-crossing game is
actually a little shitter. We haven't beaten
it yet and that makes us feel sad.
http://www.gamesgnome.com/dynamicpuzzles/bridges/

Meow busters
Found in newsletter: Issue 178 - "Happy Birthday Mr Hitler from your willing servant on Earth, Pope Benedict XVI"

It's raining kittens in this game'n'watch-esque
test of reflexes. What at first seems like
innocent fun soon shows its true colours as you
are rewarded with broken paws and kitten viscera
if you fail to stop the plummeting felines
gravity challenged fate.
http://www.mousebreaker.com/games/mmeoww/

Friday Games
Found in newsletter: Issue 177: "America, We Stand As One"
Hang things on the hangers and keep them
out of the water. If you keep the whole lot
dry for long enough you'll get another thing
to add to your fishy mobile. Watch out for
seagulls!
http://www.vectorpark.com/films/levers.swf

Stampy death
Found in newsletter: Issue 175: "One more reason to do sod all work"

There's not much depth to this deadly game of
elephant and parrot. You simply have to avoid
being crushed by the monstrous tusker's clumsy
foot. But we enjoyed its cuteness combined with
the constant, demented screeching in French.
http://home.tiscali.be/dinodino/jeux/

Chain reaction cascade game
Found in newsletter: Issue 174: "Cillit BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!"

Clicking on a little tile rotates it 90 degrees.
If the edges match up with their neighbours it
starts that tile moving too. The aim is to get as
long a lasting chain reaction of movement as
possible. We reckon you'd have to be some sort
of super-brain nerd genius to be any good at it,
but it's fascinating to try.
http://www.columbia.edu/~chc18/gridgame.swf

Catch the Squares
Found in newsletter: Issue 173: "Family Planning - Please use rear entrance"

Simple but addictive. Avoid the red squares and
pick up the black. There's nothing superfluous,
just the facts, ma'am.
http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/squares-2/squares-2.htm

Trick ball challenge
Found in newsletter: Issue 171: "The Mega-shitter!"

The controls on this ball-navigating, lunar
lander-style game are very sensitive; so much
so that it's like being Superman, playing
keepy-uppy in a gale. The addictive bit is you
always thing you can do just a little bit better
each time.
http://www.jmtb02.com/flash/metaphysik/metaphysik.htm

Count the petals
Found in newsletter: Issue 170 - "Leukaemia the musical"

Drive yourself mad trying to solve this
pedantic maths puzzle. If you get it quickly
then you're a peado. Ha ha.
http://crux.baker.edu/cdavis09/roses.html

Geeky URL guessing conundrum
Found in newsletter: Issue 169: "Jewish dogs"

Puzzle with an incredibly steep learning
curve. The first two tests are a piece of piss,
then you hit the unreasonable third stage.
http://www.etienne.nu/imagepuz/

Notepad Invaders
Found in newsletter: Issue 168: "Your advert. On our newslettery tits."

Defend your note book against evil aliens
from Planet Biro. Rob and Dave made this
little hand-drawn Space Invaders game and
right pretty it looks too.
http://robmanuel.blogspot.com/2005/02/notepad-invaders.html

Wasting time is always good
Found in newsletter: Issue 167: "Women who breast-feed cats. And the cats who love them"

>> Chaos Theory <<
This is so simple that the fact it's in Japanese
doesn't matter one bit. A bunch of blue dots
spill upwards onto the screen. Wait a bit.
Wait. Wait. OK, now! Click once to start a chain
reaction of explosions. Can you get it to engulf
every one of the dots? (Site has pop-ups. Beware)
http://www.2flashgames.com/f/f-1211.htm

Majestic cog-wheel game
Found in newsletter: Issue 166: "Nude gay Christian athletics"

You're a sticky blob of something. Jump around
the screen, grabbing the red pills by latching
onto the slowly rotating wheels that can raise
you to the skies. Slow-paced, but gripping.
http://www.tonypa.pri.ee/wheels.html

Twang Your Dog
Found in newsletter: Issue 164: "Edible Freaks"

It's one of the classic game concepts: Your dog
wants to get to the top of the world. You must
propel him on his way, using a series of elastic
platforms. It's quite tricky even from the start
and you'll have to use ricochets to get past the
spiky barriers.
http://www.toshiba.co.jp/digital/game/tobby_pachi/play.html

Mouse co-ordination challenge
Found in newsletter: Issue 163: "A big glittery poo"

This one's simple. Just move the red dot
around the screen and pick up the black dots
on your way. Don't touch the sides though.
We've been playing it for hours now and feel
slightly queasy.
http://www.andkon.com/arcade/obstacles/dr3i/

bouncy mirror ball
Found in newsletter: Issue 161: "Dogs That Speak Like Men"

A nice, gentle game for a Friday afternoon,
based on classic puzzler Reflexion. Bounce the ball
round the maze by cunningly marshalling your
formidable array of 'ball-mirrors'.
http://oos.moxiecode.com/examples/reflex/

Lobster Challenge
Found in newsletter: Issue 160: "RealDolls for paedos"

Can you get the confused lobsters to their
homes without them falling into the fiery
pits of oblivion? Of course, it all depends
on how much you care about lobsters, but this
Japanese game will drive you mad.
http://www.i-dac.com/game/myhouse/myhouse.html

Unicycle
Found in newsletter: Issue 158: "Melon mishap"

Are people who ride unicycles a bunch of
cunts? Yes.

Circus skills are for tramps and dole slags.

If you work in new media you'll be needing
such skills soon.

Thanks to Gfxmonk for this - we found it
bloody impossible to play but it made us laugh.
http://www.gfxmonk.com/misc/unigame/play.php

Road blocks
Found in newsletter: Issue 157: "Badly-drawn wank"

The aim of the game is to get the ball onto the
pulsating red blocks by smacking into walls.
Then everything falls down. It starts off
incredibly easy but swiftly progresses to levels
of eye-knackering complexity. Kept us off the
streets for a few hours anyway.
http://www.freeaddictinggames.com/?id=340&req=givegame

Nucleus
Found in newsletter: Issue 156: "Crap tags"

"We laughed as we heard of people breaking
their machines through the frustration of
playing our Reverse game", sniggers Dlevitt,
"so we decided to create another one. It is
called Nucleus

"The first 3 levels are pants but it gets a lot
better and more frustrating later."

Another game that will waste away your lunch
hour, these guys are making smart stuff. Play it.
http://www.scenta.co.uk/nucleus

Find Hitler
Found in newsletter: Issue 155: "Bolivian Head Maggots"

Hitler is a man of mystery. Despite being the
most infamous bloke the 20th century produced,
there's still debate over the basic biographical
details of whether he was gay or Jewish.
We're pitching a show to C5 called "Was
Hitler an adult baby?" but before that
enjoy these Where's Wally-style Photoshop
shenanigans.
http://alexanderband.1go.dk/

Reverse mouse maze
Found in newsletter: Issue 151: "Sick joke special"

Simple, addictive and very frustrating. Guide
your mouse around a maze without touching any
objects.

The catch? your mouse is reversed.

We're kicking ourselves for not thinking of
this ourselves. It's brilliant.
http://www.scenta.co.uk/reverse/

Cow wrangler
Found in newsletter: Issue 150: "Sir, this wine gum looks like a penis"

It's all in German, which makes things a little
trickier, but the objective is to get the grey
cow to the gold thing so it can dance. After a
little while, we realised it was probably
aimed at quite young children. But we kept
playing anyway. Simple puzzles make us feel
like we're super clever.
http://scott.blazing.de/fun/game.swf

Bathroom tile angle madness
Found in newsletter: Issue 149: "We're B3ta. It's Friday. Let's rock"

It doesn't sound promising, but this 'link
the squares' game will keep you puzz-niks out
there happy for hours. It's chicken soup for
the brain.
http://web6.midworld.luxadmin.org/game.html

Hangman
Found in newsletter: Issue 148: "Things to do with a cucumber"

Sometimes the games that work the best are the
simplest. We couldn't stop playing this version
of Hangman where you can choose your own
category. 100 great rock bands was our favourite.
We haven't had so much fun since we tried
playing Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing with a stick
stuck to our head.
http://www.hangman.no/

Paper tossing
Found in newsletter: Issue 145: "Still kitteny after all these years"

Everywhere this week has been this neat little
game challenging you to toss screwed up balls
of paper into the bin.

It's tricky - see how you do.
http://www.sticky.tv/game/cyrkam_airtos/

Three games for the price of one
Found in newsletter: Issue 144: "Kittzenshitzen"

>> Dodge the blodge <<
In not possibly the most visually thrilling
gaming experience you'll encounter this week -
avoid the dots and hit the square. Every time
you get it right another blob appears. Gets
tricky quickly.
http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/eskiv/eskiv.htm

>> Bubble Trouble <<
Similar in concept to the previous game this
production pulls out the stops on the visuals.
Grab the bubbles to make yourself bigger - hence
making your character more likely to hit a
nasty. And it's got power-ups. Yay.
http://www.freepgs.com/mindistortion/games/bubbles.htm

>> Pointy clicky adventure <<
An adventure game ala Monkey Island. It
looks gorgeous and has a tricky set of puzzles
to solve. Might keep you busy 'til next week.
http://www.abc.net.au/gameon/chasm/

Click boxy woo fun
Found in newsletter: Issue 143: "Anal Seepage"

At first we thought this game was a pile
of shit. We clicked about and bugger all
happened. Then a friend suggested we have
another gander and try dragging the objects
on the screen.

Aha! We get it. It's a multi-level single
screen puzzle game. Following its own rules
of logic, you probably haven't played a game
quite like this. Great.
http://nocircles.com/index.php?boyhave=flash

Chinese Penguin Conga
Found in newsletter: Issue 142: "Better than licking batteries"

It starts off easy: you control three cute
little Chinese penguins, timing their jumps
with the numbers on your keyboard. But as the
game progresses, you get more and more penguins.
Ultimately, you're a sweaty, spasming mess,
trying to herd a conga line of nine of the
buggers. Absolute genius.
http://www.koreus.com/files/200406/themalibu9.html

Bee game
Found in newsletter: Issue 141: "Are you gay?"

It's Friday. You've checked all the links
in the newsletter. You've still got 2 hours
before they'll let you go to the pub.

Why not play a bee game? Its rather
innovative control system had us perplexed
until we got the hang of it, then we were
like, "Hey. Neat. Argh. Dead."
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/crappy_flash_games.php?gamename=swinger

Ladybird puzzle
Found in newsletter: Issue 137: "Goatse Death Dive"

Remember those slide puzzles where you had to
move the pieces to form a recognisable
picture?

This is an unusual update. It adds the magical
element of a ladybird on a train track. You
have to slide the pieces about to create a
path which will guide your character through
every square on the board.

Tricky stuff. You'll probably go blind.
http://mrl.nyu.edu/~perlin/experiments/ladybug/

Circular Breakout
Found in newsletter: Issue 136: "The Sweary Cornflake"

This is a flash version of the arcade classic,
but set at the bottom of a metal bowl. Try to
stop the ball falling down the hole in the
centre. To kill a few minutes before going
home you could do a lot worse than try out
Matt Plasticmartian's challenging game.
http://snipurl.com/6kp3

Panda Golf
Found in newsletter: Issue 135: "We've not met the right girl yet either"

"The whole office has been playing Panda Golf
all week" moans Spammage2000, "Like a decent
crack habit it's a lot of fun at first but
then ruins your life."

Woot. This is a lovely little game which we'd
still be playing now if we didn't have a
newsletter to write.
http://www.boberil.com/pandafgolf/

Still bored? This lot should keep you busy.
Found in newsletter: Issue 134: "Try the Black Cock Inn cider"

>> Shooty arrow game <<
Quite astoundingly retro, but still uncommonly
good. Can you shoot the other bow-wielding
stickman, before he makes you into a black
line kebab?
http://www.xeron.org/cosas/bowman/

>> Highway Hunter <<
Flash games should be short, fast and exciting.
Much like this road-rage game. These guys
could teach miniclip a few things about
web gaming,
http://www.mausland.de/games/highwayhunter.htm

>> Pill-popping ricochet game <<
People find the inspiration for making games
in the most unlikely of places. This one is
based upon the premise that taking pills makes
you happy - but too many makes you explode.
Works surprisingly well as a little puzzle game.
http://jigint.com/games/happypill/index.html

Last updated 16 hours 26 minutes 36 seconds ago