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INTERVIEWS: ADAM BUXTON

Adam Buxton once bestrode our screens like a televisual Tyrannosaur as part of comedy duo Adam & Joe. We liked it lots. Now he's turned up on YouTube making amusing video shorts. Loads of people on our messageboard were bigging them up so we thought it was about time we got in touch and gave him the B3ta treatment.

NOW

Who pays more? The BBC or C4? (Lanc)

Unless you get more than about 4 million viewers for any one thing you do, TV doesnít pay that well anywhere, especially these days. Advertising, now thatís differentÖ

What have you been doing for the last 10 years? (Hummel)

Hiding from you.

What was it like working with Armando Iannucci? (connor)

I didnít see him that often as most of my Time Trumpet bits I did on my own in my studio, but on the days when we had meetings or we were shooting the talking heads stuff, he was scrupulously polite, funny, encouraging and well groomed. I like him very much.

How is YouTube changing the process of getting comedy on TV? (Monty Propps)

Now they can steal all their ideas from just one place. Iím joking! The best way to get people in television excited about something is to just make it yourself so they can see what youíre on about. Then if you can put it up somewhere like You Tube it means they donít have to go to all the effort of unwrapping a package, reading your crap letter and loading a tape or a DVD (which often wonít work in their shit old machines). Now of course it's a question of whether it needs to be on TV at all. Thereís all sorts of financial opportunities opening up on the net for people making their own stuff and TV is looking more and more like an unnecessary headache fraught with compromise and unhelpful second guessing. It still seems somehow more legitimate though doesnít it?

Did your mainly student audience grow with you? Or are you now making comedy for another lot of poncy student grant types? (mongychops)

Donít know about that. People that come to my gigs or say hello in the street are either my age or about 18. Theyíre never poncy though and I canít tell if they have grants. They deserve them.

Do you use YouTube for material you know you’d never be able to clear, copyright-wise, if it were on a traditional TV channel? (Fraser)

In part, yes.

How long did it take to learn the words to ‘Help the Police’? (pep)

3 days.

Are you really like that dad in the car (you are, aren’t you?) (pep)

Yes.

Do you feel insulted when… I say that I thought Jimmy Carr played Tim Messenger in Hot Fuzz? (Palmer the person )

Not in the least. Jimmy has always commented on our round faced similarities. Iím a little less successful and a little rounder in the face, but it Iíd rather people mistake me for him than oh I dunno, Hitler.

Has Joe Cornish turned into a bitter and twisted hermit due to your new lease of fame? (prodigy69)

Is this my new lease of fame? Could you tell me when the lease runs out? I think Joe now owns his fame so heís certainly not jealous of my lease.

Want to pimp your latest project? Then pimp it here - hard. (Rob)

Project pimping, hmmm. Well it would be great if people would check out our Coke podcasts on iTunes but apart from that Iím working on a couple of things which Iíll be able to say more about when theyíre more advanced. If people are interested the best place to find out more is my blog.


GENERAL

Who the bloody hell are you? (Much easier than checking wikipedia) (god save the queen)

Just a man. With a manís courage.

Should we be more concerned that Google are trying to take over the world? (Prof Undercover)

Theyíve asked me to be king of quite a large part of it, so yes, I think you should be very concerned because Iím going to be a very bad king.

What would you mostly likely have ended up as if the funny thing didn’t work out? (Prof Undercover)

Glad you think it's worked out. I would have carried on being a bartender. Still might go back to it. it's a fun job. Have you seen Cocktail? Thatís exactly what it's like.

Do you sleep with your beard over or under the covers? (Afinkawan)

Iím clean shaven at the mo. When it was giant it lay above the covers in its own little sleeping bag.

Aren’t you old Westminsters? How did school affect your humour? (The Alchemist)

When you get there they inject you with a cocktail of hauteur and self hate. it's a delicious blend, which informs a lot of what we do.

Tell us what Dido was like at school? (Rob)

She was a few years below us and anyway, if she was blonde and sexy she wouldnít have given us the time of day. Giles Coren (of Times restaurant critic and channel 5 film show fame) was a contemporary of ours though and he was a twat for a long while, but then he went nice and we got to be friends. I was a twat too mind. Other old Westminsters include synth pop pioneer Thomas Dolby, scandal prone education secretary Ruth Kelly, Bush ponce /Gwen Stefani foil Gavin Rossdale and genius drunky Shane McGowan (who was expelled unsurpsingly). See? The worldís full of public school wankers. Weíre not so bad!

What about Louis Theroux? (brianftang)

Heís a very old friend. He was always annoyingly clever but very funny. You can see footage of him from those days in the extras on our Adam & Joe DVD. He was always one of those people you knew was going to do alright.

What’s the most ridiculous bit of trivia you know? (Afinkawan)

Robbie Williams

Would you ever go on Big Brother? Why? (pep)

Donít think so. it's evil. Didnít you know?

Will you lend me £10? (the RAND corporation)

Surely thatís the oldest thing you can put as a question in one of these things. If youíre genuinely in trouble, Iíll see what I can do.

Who’s your favourite comedian/comedy show? (mofaha)

Iím sort of obsessed with the Boosh and Snuff Box right now. All that lot are hard to beat in my book. Tony Law makes me really laugh. Joanna Neary. Vic and Bob, Harry Enfield, oh you know, the usual people. Iíve just got a DVD of this Irish show called Soupy Norman which is a Polish soap that was re-edited and re-voiced by Barry Murphy and Mark Doherty, a couple of legendary Irish comics who did some stuff for Time Trumpet (they did the Dragonís Den stuff). it's the funniest thing Iíve seen in a very long time and it's in 10 minute chunks so if someone hasnít put it on You Tube yet, it has to be a matter of time before they do.

What music do you like ? (connor)

Indie/arty pop mainly but a bit of everything really. Pixies, Bowie, Frank Black, Tortoise, Eels, Kings Of Leon, Built To Spill, Guided By Voices, Travis, James Brown, Radiohead, Jim Noir, Guillemots, Yo La Tengo, Beach Boys, The Shins, The Fall, Sparks, Beatles, Dylan, Eno, Talking Heads, Magazine, Spoon, Silver Jews, lots and lots! I wish I was a great musician more than anything.

What websites do you visit obsessively ? (connor)

Donít really visit any one obsessively but Graham Linehanís blog is always interesting as is Fat Pies.

What nerdy thing did you do recently ? (connor)

I went to a BBC Ďtalentí dinner last night and sat round the table were, Harry Enfield, Paul Whitehouse, Dara OíBrien, the bloke from Top Gear who nearly died, Paul Merton, Jack Dee, Mitchell & Webb, Ian Hislop, Graham Norton, Dom from DickíníDom, Claudia Winkleman and a load of other well known faces. I waited til everyone was pretty pissed then got out my camera and starting snapping away until I started to get weird looks and one of the waiters came over and asked me to stop. I think he thought Iíd sneaked in. Is that nerdy enough? Maybe it's just uncool.

Why the hell did you grow a beard? (P3te)

1. To help me Ďget into characterí for my Edinburgh show in 2005 2. To see if I could 3. To hide my double chin.

Daddy or chips? (SkUG)

Fuck Daddy. Fuck chips.

Have you ever smeared Marmite over your face and pretended to be a badger? (ShittingBabies)

Nice name there ĎShittingBabiesí. Is that an old Navajo moniker? I think you know I havenít smeared Marmite on my face and pretended to be a badger. Youíre just working some kind of angle arenít you?

Have you ever raced midgets? (ShittingBabies)

You again? Whatís your angle?! Should I pretend I have raced Midgets? Would that make me look good? Would you be happy about it? Where can it all go?

Have you ever worn women's underwear? (Sticky Label)

Yes.

What’s the meaning of life? (connor)

If youíre looking for it on the internet youíre in for a frustrating trek.

Where do babies come from? (ShittingBabies)

Oh Christ. Amazon. Is that the right answer?

I caught my penis in my zipper before a school play once. What have you done to your penis? (ShittingBabies)

What is this, a zany private audience with ShittingBabies? Yes I caught my knob in my fly too. It really hurt. Now what?

Batman or Superman? (I bet it’s Batman) (mofaha)

Bad betting there mofaha. It's Superman.

Do you find ginger people aborent? (KaiserPro)

Some very disappointing spelling here chaps, come on buck up! Finding ginger people abhorrent is like finding David Hasselhoff kitsch and amusing. A bad use of time.

What did you want to do when you were younger? (Palmer the person )

I wanted to be either an astronaut, a corner shop owner or a gynaecologist. True.

How would he have made the Star Wars Prequels good? (HappyToast)

Whoís Ďheí? George Lucas? Well he should have got people like me and Jimmy Carr to do cameos in them. Then they would have been amazing! Justin Lee Collins would have made a brilliant Chewie come to think of it. It's all in the casting.

Should Gillian McKeith be destroyed? (Watney Heckbulb uhnnnnnnnn)

Maybe not destroyed but sequestered certainly.

Do you know Dom Jolly? Is he as big a prick as I imagine? (Prof Undercover)

Donít really know him. Iím told heís alright.

How many pillows do you like to sleep with? (Letum)

Canít believe you bothered to type that question and Iím bothering to reply. Isnít the internet amazing!? I sleep with one pillow.

Have you ever thrown dog poo into your neighbour’s garden? (The Neville)

Fuck dogs. Fuck poo. Fuck neighbours and Fuck gardens. Is that unequivocal enough for you?

If you could have one thing in the entire world named after you, what would it be? And why? (The Neville)

Ricky Gervais. Then everyone would think I was a genius.

How do you get your spring water tasting so watery? (Count Vanderhoff)

Yeah.

What were the best and worst nicknames you ever got given? (Afinkawan)

BEST: Let me seeÖ on a good day I used to get called Genius Boy, Rimshot Masterclass, Fiery Apollo 5000, The Lazer Briefcase, Jimmy Bignutz, Harrison Ford, Cleverhandsome or Jesus Strength. WORST: On a bad day it would be either Failure Face, Shitlamp, The Ugly Man, Shit On Face, Shithair, Dogshit Face & Neck, Fat Queer or Shit Instead Of Head. I think some of the names came from the fact that I had a bit of shit near my head in those days. Kids can be cruel.

Tell us a joke? (rob)

Fuck jokes.


ADAM AND JOE

Who’s got this biggest penis? You or Joe? (ShittingBabies)

ShittingBabies, back with the hard-hitting questions again. Iíve never seen Joeís winky but he tells me it's large. Iím medium/large so I guess Joe has the edge.

Tell us about the disturbed cat featured in the adam and joe show intro? (mofaha)

If youíre nerdy enough to be asking me about disturbed cats you should be nerdy enough to know we did a different title sequence for each series so Iím not sure which one would have featured the cat in question. Doesnít ring any bells though, sorry.

Whose star wars figures did you use for the Adam and Joe show? (ShittingBabies)

Those were mine. My Ma saved them in the attic all those years, along with many of the old toys that we exploited so relentlessly on the show. Good old Ma.

Was the piss up in the brewery the single greatest dare ever pulled off? (ShittingBabies)

Piss Up In A Brewery was one of our slightly better stunts/pranks. It's not exactly world class as far as daring goes though is it? Dick & Dom kicked our ass many times on that front.

Who was the giver, Adam or Joe Cornish? (Bats)

Is this an anal sex question? I bet youíre straight, right Bats? Why do straight men LOVE chatting about bottom sex so much more than any gay man Iíve ever met? But maybe this is not a bottom question but a charity question. If so, Iím the giver. And if not.

What’s your favourite song you’ve made? Mine was the Jazz Queens! (ShittingBabies)

Jazz Queens was a good one, glad you like it. I personally think the Robert De Niro Calypso takes some beating. I could listen to that one for pleasure.

Should Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Dad stand for parliament? (ShittingBabies)

That would be deeply depressing. I know I wasnít supposed to take that question seriously but I suddenly did.

What was the greatest idea put forward that you weren’t allowed to use? (Neon Blue)

Well we pretty much used everything we ever came up with, didnít you notice? I always wanted to leave a bike unattended and film from a distance as some shitbird went to steal it then Iíd jump out and confront them, but that idea got over-ruled every time I brought it up for being too lame and pointless. Then a few years later there was a show called SWAG on Channel 5 that did exactly that. And it was lame and pointless.

What’s Baaad Dad up to nowadays, and how did he cope with the fame? (jme)

He lives by the Sussex Downs where he enjoys walking and drinking expensive booze. He loves it when he gets recognised. He calls me up and tells me all about it every time.

Has george lucas ever demanded royalties? or made any other comments about your old starwars toy sketches? (mutated monty)

No. The closest we came to hearing from the Lucas camp was when we passed on a tape of some of our Star Wars toy things to Rick McCallum (producer of the prequels who used to frequent a shop run by a friend of ours). He told our friend that George had seen them and thought we were Ďcrazyí. The question is, did he mean crazy-brilliant or crazy-nutty or just crazy-unhappy? Or was it the more likely crazy-what-a-pair-of-twats? Whichever way he wasnít feeling litigious about it.

Would you come round my house and record an episode of “Vinly Justice” starring me an’ my record collection? (The Neville)

Thatís just not practical The Neville. Plus I used to hate doing those things anyway. Only Stereolab and Frank Black ever made us feel properly welcome. Otherwise it was invariably awkward and uncomfortable (mainly our fault for invading their real houses, dressing up like freaks and doing bad comedy copper voices). Actually Cerys Matthews was very nice too. And Gary Numan. The rest of them were cunts. Except for Nick Heyward and Neil Hannon. And Gorkyís Zygotic Mynci. OK, it was just Dave Navarro who was a cunt. And Dweezil Zappa (Ahmet and Moon Unit were nice). Ray Manzarek was bit of a toolkit too. Mark E Smith started off being nice then went cunty for a while then went back to being nice. It was stressful though. I canít go through all that again, not even for you The Neville.


Thanks to everyone who suggested a question and especially to pshhh-ticup, bilbobarneybobs, Zak McFlimby, mutated monty, Doctor Cavendish, - D - (especially - D - who did LOADS of them), Kris Fucking Kristofferson, Smallbrainfield and TBL who supplied the illustrations. Interview done by Rob Manuel.