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This is a link post Big cat jumps on man
I really feel this needs a disclaimer, like "Don't try this at home", or "Kimba was a such a nice lion before slurping brains out of Hal's skull".
(I helped save b3ta! gunmetal drove slowly in the passing lane on, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 19:52, , Reply)
This is a normal post He must take alot of pride in his work

(I helped save b3ta! Marxist Pig Better Red Than Smeg, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 19:57, , Reply)
This is a normal post The company is a roaring success

(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:00, , Reply)
This is a normal post Do you think it's his mane job?

(I helped save b3ta! Fadgebadger (1 like), Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:01, , Reply)
This is a normal post purrhaps

(I helped save b3ta! miss fortunate last posted ages ago, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:04, , Reply)
This is a normal post It might be a lion's share

(I helped save b3ta! omnitruncatedkraken from Empire Algol, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:04, , Reply)
This is a normal post That is NOT how you take a tiger by the tail.

(I helped save b3ta! gunmetal drove slowly in the passing lane on, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:10, , Reply)
This is a normal post Very paw puns people.

(I helped save b3ta! Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:48, , Reply)
This is a normal post Tame as a kitten
how shit
 (I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:10, , Reply)
This is a normal post Don't be sad, they had to cut out the part where the cat beheads him to make it suitable for the family hour.
Oh, and arf!
 (I helped save b3ta! gunmetal drove slowly in the passing lane on, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:11, , Reply)
This is a normal post Damn!
That would have brought a tear to my eye :)
 (I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:16, , Reply)
This is a normal post It's those little satisfactions in life that get me out of bed each morning.

(I helped save b3ta! gunmetal drove slowly in the passing lane on, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:20, , Reply)
This is a normal post I had a kitten once, a little ginger thug called Zoot
who would wake me up in the morning jumping on my bed. All very cute and adorable up to that point, before he would glare at me with his little, malice ridden eyes and proceed to piss on my bed. That used to get me out of the bed in the morning. I would chase the little fiend master around the house hurling socks at him, up and down the staircase, once around the garden.

Apparently the sight of my socks in the bushes by the kitchen window and the sound of me mumbling and cursing from the shower was quite amusing
 (I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:34, , Reply)
This is a normal post Aw. I like discovering the reasons why they do certain things. There's always a reason.
I remember chasing my cats around after they either puked or brought dead animals into the house.

At this very moment I'm having a showdown with a wild turkey. This monster likes looking at himself in my glass doors. While doing so, he takes giant shits on the walkway. So now I am vigilantly chasing him away. But with each encounter he just becomes less threatened. I give up!
 (I helped save b3ta! cowcat Bituminous squeegee, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 20:47, , Reply)
This is a normal post Geez man, that sounds nightmarish
I guess we all secretly fear the ghoulish face gazing at us from darkened windows, but being haunted by a fearless turkey strutting it's stuff with ever increasing bravado in your glass doors, gazing at you with sinister, beady eyes as it gobbles away no doubt announcing what it intends to do with your corpse in it's own outlandish tongue after it's pecked you to death, before hurling scraps of you to it's harem of female folk lurking somewhere out in the darkness; must be hellish.

I would recommend nothing less than fleeing to your car, attaching your fridge to the front of it like a crude battering-ram and driving at the beast from the other side of the house, straight through the walls of your living room if need be. Play some Mongolian horn music to sound like the rapture and superglue the horn down for added shock and awe. This might startle the demonic avian that is terrorising you, especially as you emerge through the glass doors, giving you the initiative to charge at the beast with a broom.
 (I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 21:06, , Reply)
This is a normal post Actually, I have blasted my trumpet at him..
Turkeys are weird. This guy has a long beard. His legs are about an inch in diameter. During the mating part of the year, just look at them weird and they run. They do this Kabuki kind of intermittently posing and strutting around, wings dragging in the dirt. And they do this low frequency thumping noise. I've been woken up to three of them all thumping away at the window.

I just can't get myself to grab the shotgun and make dinner out of him. I've vowed to enjoy his presence, giant turds and all.
 (I helped save b3ta! cowcat Bituminous squeegee, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 21:21, , Reply)
This is a normal post It sounds like you may have to sound your trumpet at him
having phoned a local haulage company with a crane, and moved your piano onto the roof the side of the house you are being plagued by this twitching monstrosity. The rest should be reasonably straight forward as the feathered chimaera returns to your glass doors. But it will be more satisfying as 'you sound the charge' watching a piano land on top of it
 (I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 21:33, , Reply)
This is a normal post Threaten it with cranberries

(I helped save b3ta! wheresthefish Partly filled with wrong, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 21:11, , Reply)
This is a normal post Haha. I may try that. Although, being the walking garbage disposal that they are, I imagine he'd just come back for more.

(I helped save b3ta! cowcat Bituminous squeegee, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 21:23, , Reply)
This is a normal post Feed him up with cranberries
It'll all add to the flavour.
 (I helped save b3ta! wheresthefish Partly filled with wrong, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 21:49, , Reply)