NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 120: "WE LOVE HORSES"
This Week:
* GAME - Haggis tossing
* ANIM - Come to Kenya
* VIDEO - Jelly wrestling
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 120 - 30 Jan 2004
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http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue120/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
Lions & Tigers, Haggis, Student Food & Space
>> Haggis hurling challenge <<
Everyone knows that haggises are furry
little creatures that live in the hills of
Scotchland. Eclectech has made a Flash
simulation of what is obviously an ancient,
and very cute, Scottish sport.
http://holistech.co.uk/haggis.php
>> Come to Kenya <<
Weebl's talent has been growing like a marrow.
Now we reap the bounteous harvest. These little
lions and tigers are the best you'll ever see
and the jingle is insanely catchy. We only
hope the Kenyan Tourist Board is paying
attention. Jonti says he'll swap all rights for
two zebras. He's pregnant and needs the meat.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/29/
>> Student cooking tips <<
Baffled by beans? Taxed by toast? Negated
by potatoes? Paul Silver is the man to
help you. He must have all of four weeks'
experience advantage over you, but he's
willing to share his hard-won wisdom. Bless.
http://www.CookingWithStudents.co.uk
>> Cheap space documentary <<
Craig Robinson is a master of making cool
stuff look easy. Most recently you might have
seen his Minipops quiz. Now he turns his pixelly
hand to documentary film-making. You can barely
see the budgetary restrictions.
http://www.flipflopflyin.com/cheapthings/cheapspac...
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: B3TA RADIO
Irrational Fears
This week we've been asking about the stuff
that shouldn't scare you but does. Like
turning your back on a flushing loo. Blimey.
Put on your tinfoil hats and have a read.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/irrationalfears/
You can learn more about b3ta radio and how
to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Pilled-up dolphin coin-feast <<
There isn't much to this game, except the
release of near-fatal doses of adrenaline into
your cortex through massive audio-visual mayhem.
It's like sex meets rock - on drugs. Oh yeah
and there's a dolphin, but don't let that put
you off your stroke. We found it an advantage.
http://www.mausland.de/dolphin.swf
>> Are you mad? <<
Ostensibly an online survey on your favourite
celebrity, the questions rapidly make you feel
uncomfortable, with their unspoken assumption
that you are actually a stalker. That this is
an authentic piece of research for Leicester
University makes it all the more creepy. But
that's okay - Brian May will make everything
alright again, like a rock Jesus.
http://www.le.ac.uk/pc/rtg/celebrity/celebrity1.ht...
>> Glitter-alike <<
Gary Glitter look-alike: The question we have
to ask is, does this bloke get any work? And
doing what, for God's sakes? Perhaps he could
endorse PC World. That would make them as happy
as a man with two cocks. Hooray.
http://www.splitting-images.com/gary_glitter.html
>> Very simple game <<
Keep the red block from touching any
of the blue blocks. Intricate motor control
needed - like fucking a mouse's ear. We
lasted 13.488 seconds.
http://www.polyhex.com/misc/dodge.htm
>> Music map <<
Maps are great. You can use them to find buried
treasure. This map lets you find music related
to bands you like. And you'll always strike gold.
Er, if you look up Spandau Ballet, anyway.
A brilliant use of the Amazon API.
http://www.musicplasma.com/
>> Auto-Sorry <<
In need of a scapegoat? Pressed for time?
Politicians, business men, kiddie fiddlers
- this site will sincerely apologise for
anything you tell it to.
http://www.nobodyhere.com/justme/apologies.here
>> Worm battleships <<
Battleships, but with worms. Yup. That's
about it. But we like Battleships. It's
like Counterstrike, but with a very
slow graphics card.
http://snipurl.com/46lg
>> Chav-bashing forums <<
Poor people - ever worry that the internet will
become a middle-class enclave? See what they're
saying behind your back - and reply. Some
interesting stuff, actually, and worth a read.
http://snipurl.com/46lh
>> Horsey jingle - hard to avoid <<
Do you love horses? We do now, after listening
to this tune 1,000 million times. Hmm.
We're about due to love horses some more now.
http://www.deagostini.co.uk/ilovehorses/
>> Cutting-edge watch: 1983 <<
The power of a personal computer, but in a
wristwatch. Madness, you say? No - just
feast your eyes on this remarkable folly
of the eighties. A wrist-sized white elephant.
http://cdecas.free.fr/computers/pocket/uc2000.php
>> 28-hour day <<
Doesn't sound very appealing, until you get to
the part about abolishing Mondays. A 28-hour
day could be a more modern and efficient use
of time. On the other hand, it might kill you.
So, ideally, we'd like someone to test it for us.
http://www.dbeat.com/28/
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Panda babies
Fact: They don't have thumbs.
Fact: The Chinese call them "Giant Cat Bears."
Fact: Baby pandas are cute.
http://www.liu.edu/cwis/cwp/library/exhibits/panda...
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
Cows, Pants, Misheard Lyrics & Jelly Porn
>> Cow! Cube! Cowuuuuube! <<
Cows - they don't tesselate very well. Joel
Veitch has the ideal solution. Watch the
Zoology Dragon and learn.
http://www.rathergood.com/zoology/
>> Pants in a can <<
Phiblo and Adny would like you to buy some
pants in a can. What can we say? The ad
sold it to us, but the actual merchandise
looked a bit dodgy. Bit like Ferrero Rocher.
http://www.imstupid.co.uk/twistedmindz/jeffrypants...
>> Misheard lyrics animation <<
"Hey, I'm 14," writes Pmh_rmhax. We immediately
thought his work would be shit. But it isn't.
It's good. See:
http://www.grimmoire.com/flash/bootilicious.swf
>> Jelly wrestling <<
Kourosism writes, "We, um, borrowed a
paddling pool from Homebase, and a ton of
jelly, and set up in the back garden. This
video was the result." It all looks like fun,
but we'd like to have seen the custard shot.
http://www.angelfire.com/space/usenet/images/Movie...
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Inanimate Sex Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted inanimate objects going
at it some:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/inanimatesex/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Sick Boy' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Sick Boy writes -
#1 "Café latte - While most of the entries
involved shameless humping (not that this
is in any way a bad thing) this one stood
out for its subtlety. The spoon relaxing
the second it finishes made me giggle too.
(Fragger)
http://b3ta.com/board/2669075
#2 "Hard Core Bakery Action - The facial
expressions make this one. You can't help
but smile along with them! (Razor)
http://b3ta.com/board/2668650
#3 "Scissoring hot action - Good imagination
shown here, I will never be able to look at
scissors in the same way again. This also
reminded me of a special interest Danish
language film I once saw." (baroo_the_cat)
http://b3ta.com/board/2682997
"Special mention has to go to E.Parsley for
managing to get seven (count them, seven)
innuendoes in the one picture. I doff my cap
to you sir!"
http://b3ta.com/board/2674399
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, b3ta contributor Supermoore gave us
the suggestion, "Daily Mail World"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dailymailworld/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* B3TA PARTY RAFFLE - we've had loads of stuff
sent in already. Get in touch with [email protected]
if you'd like to contribute. Oh, and damning
heck, make sure you come to the party on the
13th of February.
http://www2.b3ta.com/party/valentine.gif
* BULLETS WITH OUR NAMES ON - we asked for this
a few weeks back. We didn't expect people
to get in touch with an offer. Be careful
what you wish for, kids.
* WES CHERRY INTERVIEW SLASHDOTTED - we love
Slashdot, it's where proper nerds hang out
complaining, "Even a child of ten should be
able to write standards compliant XML" and
"This Speak & Spell doesn't support Ogg
Vorbis. The fools will crumble without my
business." Anyway, we're proud to get a
mention.
http://games.slashdot.org/games/04/01/29/0542251.s...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* WHATS-THAT-SONG-ABOUT.COM - someone sent us
a Tori Amos CD the other day. Frankly she's
as mad as badgers. Lyrics like "Father, I
killed my monkey" beggar belief. Anyway,
we think a nice community site dedicated
to finding the definitive explanations
of song lyrics would be both useful,
interesting and a big gay web hit. Get on
it people.
* FREE B3TA SEARCH - our site now has over
3 million pages on it. Fuck. Does anybody
work for a search engine company that
would be prepared to write us a custom
engine in exchange for a link going
"powered by monkeysearch?"
* A LITTLE NOTE - from the government that
makes us director-generals of the BBC.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Rob T Firefly, KevanW,
Felix / Blackspike, Andye / Bizarrecreations,
Ben Braine, Paul Pollock, Geoff / Tabbron,
Matthew Boxall and Emily Hodgkinson
Top Tippery by Rogan.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the kvetching b4ta rabbis. (73883)
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TOP TIP:
If your fridge breaks down you can sometimes
fix it by leaving it upside down overnight.
(When the motor stops pumping the coolant around,
leaving it upside down resettles it and it
sometimes starts working again. Sometimes.)
