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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 135: "WE'VE NOT MET THE RIGHT GIRL YET EITHER"

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This Week:
* ANIM - Damon Albarn is a cunt
* RATHERGOOD - biggest cat ever
* RADIO - MJ Hibbett live

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 135 - 14 May 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue135/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
  Blur, Rathergood & Gollywogs

  >> Damon Albarn is a cunt <<
  Oooh, we have a new talent lurking in B3ta town.
  His name is the Bowers Machine and he thinks
  the singer from Blur is a cunt. He has made
  this genius bit of video to prove it. BTW: As
  Blur's drummer Dave Rowntree is a reader of this
  very newsletter, we passed it on to him for his
  comments: "Fuck me, that is brilliant! You've
  got to admit, we all look like cunts in
  that picture."
http://www.blogjam.com/blur/ 


  >> Rathergood & B3ta collaboration <<
  A few weeks ago Rob Manuel and Joel Veitch were
  sent a CD with a note, "adore your stuff. We're
  a band called Youth of Britain. Fancy knocking
  us out a video?" We listened to their music,
  loved it, and thought, "yeah. Let's do it."
http://youthofbritain.com/guvnor/


  >> Racist Welsh Gollywog <<
  Back in the 50s Gollywogs were popular kids
  toys in the UK. They've fallen out of favour
  due to concerns about racial stereotyping.
  This doesn't seem to worry the Welsh though,
  who are happy to not only sell them in toyshops,
  but place them in police cars with a white
  driver. Thanks to Chris OTR for this bit of
  opportunistic snapping.
http://b3ta.com/board/3164863


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: B3TA RADIO
  Revenge stories & MJ '16k' Hibbett sings live 

  >> Question of the week <<

  Each week we ask you a question and use the
  best material for our lovely little radio
  show. Here are some of our favourite stories
  this week:


  * "Someone who left their job recently printed
     'cunts' in 8 point pale grey on a couple of
     reams of paper, and filled the photocopier
     with it." (Supermoore)

  * "In a certain North London Fire Station,
     there is a photograph of the then Prime 
     Minister, Margaret Thatcher. She is surrounded
     by the boys of Red Watch and smiling whilst
     holding a large mug of tea. Each of the 
     firemen in that photo had specially wiped
     their dirty, stinking cocks around the inside
     of the mug before her 'photo-op' visit."
     (george_w_anker)

  * "Utter bitch of a flatmate / landlady was on
     the slim-fast diet. I swapped her slim-fast
     for Build-Up. She never twigged." (badhorsey)


  All these stories and more on the site:
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/revenge/


  >> Oooh... Special Guest <<

  Our retro gaming nerdstalgia video did rather
  well last week. Hundreds of thousands of views
  from around the world - we were even asked by
  a Norwegian TV show called Nerd for our
  permission to show the video this coming
  Sunday. (Er.. we said yes.)

  In celebration of our pan-media conquistador-ing
  we've invited the songwriter MJ Hibbett into
  the radio studio to perform three of his
  songs live.

  If you missed Hey Hey 16k last week then
  here it is again:
http://www2.b3ta.com/heyhey16k/


  So catch b3ta radio at 4pm BST today, Friday
  the 13th of May on 104.4FM in London, or
  via the live streaming web link:
http://www.resonancefm.com/resonance.m3u


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: HUMAN ZOO
  Gay Marvin
  
  Homosexualists have provided pin-up fodder to
  teenage girls since pop music began. The trick
  is to claim in interviews, "you haven't met
  the right girl yet" whilst letting your manager
  give you one up the shitter after every
  appearance on CD-UK.

  Maybe that's all about to change. Meet Gay
  Marvin. He's er.. called Marvin, he's gay and
  he's the fag hags' favourite. He even includes
  handy tips on resurgence of the 50s gay slang,
  Palare.

  Will the pop buying kids take him to their
  hearts as a particularly glamorous Ken doll?
  Or will pop managers carry on advising that
  gay men stay in the closet? 
  
  Anyhows, vada his site if you like chicken.
  (in a basket)
http://www.hussey.uk.com/gallerymarvin.htm


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Panda Golf
  
  "The whole office has been playing Panda Golf 
  all week" moans Spammage2000, "Like a decent
  crack habit it's a lot of fun at first but
  then ruins your life."

  Woot. This is a lovely little game which we'd
  still be playing now if we didn't have a
  newsletter to write.
http://www.boberil.com/pandafgolf/


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: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Jesus action figures <<
  Yeah yeah yeah. Seen it all before, but this vid
  is grrrrreat. BTW: If you enjoy this, why not
  drop a quid in their tipjar. They are running
  out of bandwidth and are about to get a big
  bill.
http://www.jesus-action-figure.com/


  >> Throw the ball <<
  Enjoy this simple, charming and effective
  interactive toy where you move a ball about
  whilst a crowd of hands catch it.
http://clownstaples.toiletstall.us/swf/arms12.swf


  >> William Shatner update <<
  "A couple of issues ago you had a link to a
  site that featured the acting talents of the great
  Shat" emotes Grubbymitts, "I've found a site
  with his singing talents too." Woo. This made
  us laugh out loud. Tried it on the missus and
  she sat stony faced - so maybe it's just one
  for the geekier readers.
http://whatsnewkhan.ytmnd.com/


  >> Pixel toy <<
  We love the web and we love the very pixels
  it's made from. There's something about big
  pixels that gives us the horn. Imagine
  the size of our collective erection when
  we found we could buy plastic pixels and
  build things from them. Fantastic.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/cubegoodies/toys/6950/


  >> Plastic wank aid <<
  Oh Jesus. The crap people think up and sell.
  This one just turns our stomach. For God's
  sake - what's wrong with a good honest
  hand shandy?
http://www.exet.nu/html/sales/softie/softiework.shtml


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Highland calves.

  We all know that Highland cattle rock bells.
  But have you ever seen a baby one? You're
  in for a ginger treat.
http://www.lauriecampbell.com/printshop/pages/p20_10_hcalf.htm


  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: BIT TORRENT TV 
  What we've been watching this week 

  The cool kids have given up on DVDs and Sky+
  and now download their TV directly from the
  web using Bit Torrent.

  Here's some of the stuff we've looked at in
  the last few days.


  >> Millennium Series Two <<
  Chris Carter's follow-up to the X-Files improves
  greatly with season 2 - as it concentrates on 
  the deeper mythology, eschewing single episode
  stories in favour of a series arc. It's spooky 
  and engaging stuff. Certainly better than the
  "serial killer of the week" approach of the
  earlier season.


  >> Angel - penultimate episode <<
  Joss Wheedon's Angel draws almost to a close
  leaving the writer free to work on his film
  adaptation of TV-flop Firefly.

  
  >> Tripods series 2 - one episode <<
  Part of the joy of torrenting is finding stuff
  that isn't simply ripped off recent TV or
  DVD but stuff from fans private VHS
  collections - shared simply because fans are
  passionate. The second series of the Tripods
  has never had a DVD release, and this lonely
  episode makes us wish we could see more.

  FYI: Ceri Seel - the young actor who played
  Beanpole - after leaving the show became a
  Buddhist, lived with Ian Brown from the Stone
  Roses and died a couple of years ago from a
  long term mystery illness. Poor chap.


  Down all this stuff and more via the rather
  wonderful suprnova:
http://www.suprnova.org/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
  Mad car, Evil clowns and crabs

  >> Mad person's car <<
  "I don't know the 'artist' personally,"
  writes taiwan_on, "but I saw this fantastic car
  and took some pics of it. Seems this woman
  collects those 'free with fast food purchase' toys
  and glues them all over the roof of her car."
  Blimey. What a nutter. Fantastic though.
http://snipurl.com/6ejy


  >> Evil clown <<
  Clowns. They leave us indifferent but our inbox
  disagrees. You hate them. You fear them. And this
  short will give you the willies. Blame the
  inappropriately named Happyperson for giving
  you the fear:
http://www.happyperson.co.uk/clown.html



  >> Odd crab thing <<
  "Hello guys," trills Andy Shan," I've made this
  story about a guy, a crab and a levitating
  head." Er... this is just odd, but we actually
  rather enjoyed it. Maybe you will too.
http://snipurl.com/6ek0


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the One Million Years BC Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted to see what things were
  like one million years before chips:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/onemillionyearsbc/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'Dr Nick Riviera' to judge
  the entries - here are his 3 faves.

  Dr Nick writes -


  #1 "It'll never catch on - Beautifully done, and
     gives a rare insight into the sophisticated
     tastes of our ancestors. (Darryn.R)
http://b3ta.com/board/3153546

  #2 "The advent of razors - This is puerile, rude
     and childish, which is why I love it. It also
     explains why Cavey needs his big club, the poor
     inadequate. (Oldwhit)
http://b3ta.com/board/3152957

  #3 "We would have evolved so much better - Top
     notch. Great drawing skills, simple concept,
     and a warning to us all." (Devilstick)
http://b3ta.com/board/3157167


  "I'd like to mention Haku for finding the
  origins of my favourite meme. Also, anyone who
  disagrees with these results is welcome to
  arrange a fight with me."
http://b3ta.com/board/3152563

  
  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, B3ta contributor "Sue Denham" gave us
  the suggestion, "Things you don't want to see
  in hospital"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/hospital/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * SPITFIRE VID - "I live about a mile from where
    last week's video was recorded (Eastleigh, Hants)."
    barks Timothy Claypole. "They recently put up
    a metal wire frame type thingy of a spitfire
    on the nearest roundabout to the airstrip, only,
    and you'll like this, it's erected next to a
    GERMAN car manufacturer showroom (namely
    Mercedes). In fact, it's orientated in such a
    way that it looks like the spitfire has
    strafed the building!"


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Games we'd really like to see include

  * CROSSSWORDS - a game based upon not pissing
    in another mans wee stream in a public
    urinal. Crossing swords makes you instantly
    gay - hence losing the game.


  * EIFFEL TOWER PENNY DROP - you're a tourist.
    Drop coins from a great height to kill the
    French. Extra points for killing mime
    artists.


  * LEOPARDY JEOPARDY - a game for two where
    each player sticks their hand further
    into the cage. Winner is the first person
    not to lose an arm. 


  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS: 

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by amazongirl_uk, strangequark,
  mike trinder & Jon Tollman.
  Top Tippery by Ravey Davey.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the happy b4ta monkeys. (75005)

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  TOP TIP:
  You're going out and you're going to drink a
  load of booze. You know you'll feel like shit
  in the morning, but equally that when you come
  back in you can't be arsed to do anything to
  prevent it. Before you go out, put a chair on
  your bed. On that chair carefully balance a
  glass of water and two paracetomols. When you
  drunkenly stumble home, you'll have to drink
  the water etc. before you're able to crawl
  into bed. Or, at the very least, you'll have
  an exciting pissed-up challenge.

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