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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 157: "BADLY-DRAWN WANK"

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This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Winner or Sinner bloke
* HOAX - Quo tattoos
* PORN - Badly-animated wank

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____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 157 - 5 Nov 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue157/

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: HUMAN ZOO
  Winner or Sinner interview

  London readers will know the Winner or Sinner
  guy. He stands about Oxford Circus preaching
  the word of God to disinterested commuters.
  B3ta correspondent Kirk Rutter has done the
  unthinkable, and approached him for an
  interview. If reading this doesn't make you
  accept Jesus as your Lord and saviour then
  nothing will.
http://www.b3ta.com/interview/winnerorsinner/

  
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Flowers, Status Quo and kitten-shooters

  >> I love you, la la la la <<
  Rob has spent the week thinking about love and
  flowers, and what flowers would sing if they
  could sing love songs. The end result is like
  the Teletubbies speaking in tongues, or a
  70s French Eurovision entry. Result.
http://robmanuel.blogspot.com/2004/11/la-la-la-la-i-love-you.html


  >> Hoax Status Quo tattoo <<
  Chobb is a queer fish. He's been getting his
  kicks from posting photoshopped tattoos on
  UK old-codger-rockers Status Quo's messageboard
  to convince the fans of his commitment to Quo.
  We're actually rather impressed and would like
  Chobb to tattoo the horse one on his back
  for real. It's 100% pure rock.
http://snipurl.com/af1o


  >> Kitten shooter <<
  We've seen a few kitten games in our time
  at b3ta. From Stab The Space-Kitten to 
  Clay Kitten Shooting, we've been there, done
  that. Pippy has made a great update on the old
  theme by combining Time Crisis and er... kittens
  to make entertainment gold.
http://pip.rubberfeet.org/stuff/band.html


  >> Ruler organ <<
  Last week we asked you to make a musical instrument
  based on flicking rulers, Davideo has come up trumps
  and writes, "I am totally bored out my head here."
  So if you've got any other ideas you want to do,
  maybe you should get in touch directly...
http://www.northwestcustoms.co.uk/images/resource/rule.htm


  >> Spanner kittens <<
  Joel has two obsessions: spanners and kittens,
  and finally he's brought them together in this
  3D spazmatazz of goodness. 
http://www.rathergood.com/spanners/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Feeling Old

  Last week we wanted to know what had made you
  feel old recently:
http://b3ta.com/questions/feelingold/

  Here are some confessions of the aging that 
  we've anonymised for their own good:

  * I was hanging out the washing and suddenly
  thought to myself, "I could do with a peg-bag."

  * I don't want a party for my next birthday:
  I want socks and hankies for my next birthday.

  * I just took my cousin to the park, and people
  thought I was her mum. I'm 17.

  * I no longer have control over when I choose
  to break wind: it just happens. I farted loudly
  at a funeral.
  
  * You wake up and think "what shall I do today?
  I know, I'll have a bonfire!"

  * I just spent an hour in Marks & Spencer's
  deciding on a nice new jumper for work.

  * When I sit on my sofa I go: "Oooooooooohhhhh."

  * When you're looking at some young lady splaying
  herself and you can't work out if she's actually
  of legal age, or if you should be erasing the
  contents of your cache forthwith and hiding under
  the bed in case the cops turn up.


  >> This Week's Question <<
  What obscure memorabilia do you own? Does it bore
  your friends rigid?
http://b3ta.com/questions/memorabilia/


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: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Listening blender <<
  This is a peculiar little project. You control
  a blender by making noises at it. The
  accompanying video of a woman roaring at it to
  make it spin wouldn't look out of place with
  Björk in the lead role.
http://snipurl.com/af1n


  >> Poorly-drawn porn corner <<
  It's a Flash sequence of a man masturbating.
  Not the usual kind of thing to float our
  boat, but here massive technical incompetence
  is married to an absolutely obsessive
  observation of male masturbatory mannerisms.
  The result is so utterly shit it's almost
  like art. Almost.
http://www.allthingsflash.com/Jackin_Man.swf


  >> Mystery object quiz <<
  A classic idea, but still effective. Can you
  guess the object from the enigmatic
  close-up photography?
http://puzzlephotos.blogspot.com/


  >> Sad, sweet montage song <<
  We like this; the geezer took loads of little
  video clips with his camera and layered them all
  together with melancholy singing. Nice voice,
  lovely imagery, hugely shaggy eyebrows.
http://www.aviola.com/the_sad_song.html


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Smiling Stingray

  After you've done kittens, monkeys, hedgehogs
  and skunks where do you go next for your fix
  of cute?

  Underwater. Yep. There's cute to be found in
  the aquatic.

  If this grinning stingray doesn't put a smile
  on your face then you really should get out
  more.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/neb/725198/

  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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 B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Make Us Smile' Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted stuff that makes us happy
  and smiley:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/happy/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'mike woz ere' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  'mike woz ere' writes -

  #1 "Politics?! - So, it made me smile. Then
    laugh. Then watch it again and again.
    (100% kitten)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3901941
 
  #2 "Spack like you mean it! - GrandmaofShoes
    likes spacking, and I like watching. Top
    efforts! (GrandmaOfShoes)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3886578
 
  #3 "Argh the hilarity! - If pictures were
    cocks and I had to be gay over the internet,
    I'd choose you every time. First one to make
    me 'lol.' (Beau Bo d'Or)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3883616 
 
  A special mention for Scary Mary. Loverly,
  just loverly. A lasting smile."
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3896376


  >> This Week's Challenge <<
  This week, B3ta contributor 'feckless phil' gave
  us the suggestion "Tramp Traps."
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tramptraps/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * WEEBL vs. BRIAN BLESSED - Jonti writes, "Brian
    Blessed is confirmed for the Weebl and Bob
    documentary narration. I'm so happy I could
    die."

  * NICECUPOFTEA INTERVIEW FRENZY - Wifey gushes,
    "We did 8 interviews yesterday - it's all
    very mad. Stu's on London Tonight tomorrow,
    and Vanessa Feltz, The other mad thing we've
    done is an interview for the Sunday Times
    'a day in the life...' They came to do the
    photos, and we made them do all of them in
    the shed. Which was nice..."


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Road blocks

  The aim of the game is to get the ball onto the
  pulsating red blocks by smacking into walls. 
  Then everything falls down. It starts off
  incredibly easy but swiftly progresses to levels
  of eye-knackering complexity. Kept us off the
  streets for a few hours anyway.
http://www.freeaddictinggames.com/?id=340&req=givegame


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include:

  * A PRINTER - that works in reverse, so we get
    all our blank paper back and it refills ink
    cartridges as it goes.

  * AN AMNESTY - between man and elephant. Why
    can't we all just forgive and forget?

  * YOU - yep you. Make something cool and send
    it in to us. Animations, games and real-world
    weirdness make us happy.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS: 
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Thickey, Spazdor, Mongdonkey,
  mleikvol, rancid_cabbage and HappyRapist92.
  The last few weeks' links sent in by: Jane,
  Julian Holtom, TehHebrew, M.Hodgson, jazzpotato,
  Zog, prodigy69, catachresis, Nathan Griffiths,
  Kakamilk and kao_cao. Belated wooyays to all.
  Top Tippery by Coctail.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob.
  Proofing by the b4tas for Bush. (78141)


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  TOP TIP:
  Caught short suddenly running out of shaving 
  gel? Just run the can under the hot tap for a
  little while. The heat will repressurise the can
  enough to get just enough gel out for another
  shave. Or just use washing-up liquid like we do.

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