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This Week:
* BOOK - Buy the B3ta Book you ham-touchers
* QUESTION - How we didn't lose our Virginity
* GEEKY GAME - Roses are #ff0000...

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____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 251 - 27 OCT 2006

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue251/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: USE THE FILTER OR DIE
  Sponsored link

  Listen up Lazy B3tards.  You NEED to download
  The Filter because it makes it so easy for you
  good-for-nothing layabouts to make decent
  playlists quickly.  Shuffle is a thing of
  nuisance  USE THE FILTER OR DIE  Watch this
  short Govt style animation to find out more.
http://www.thefilter.com/video.html 


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Booky woo, Blode, Weebl & Geeky game

  >> Sick Joke Book <<
  Huzzah! After months of planning the B3ta
  Bumper Book of Sick Jokes is finally in the
  shops, and more importantly on Amazon. It's
  utterly ace and rather offensive. Feedback so
  far includes:

  * "It's the perfect boy present!" (Rebecca)
  * "My Dad loves it" (CaroWallis)
  * "Stomach-churningly good" (Steven D Wright)

  So come on kids, do the right thing by Uncle
  B3ta.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1905548281/b3ta-21


  >> The return of Blode <<
  Before Joel Veitch became famous for kitten
  based rock bands he used to produce a cartoon
  short called Blode. Well, after a three year
  gap, Blode is back, and this timing mining for
  meat on the moon. To quote our friend Tomsk,
  "I really like it, it's completely mental. And
  epic. Like a demented Lord of the Rings, on
  the moon, with crabs."
http://www.rathergood.com/blode7/


  >> Weebl does the hard sell <<
  Young Jonti has built his own sweat shop and
  has Chinese children knitting from dusk until
  dawn creating his new range of toys. The
  promotional animation he's produced is
  entertaining though. Although the 'going for a
  shit' sequence made us wince.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/toys+2/


  >> Geekiest game ever <<
  "I have made this game", honks ja128828,
  "Match the hexadecimal colour codes with the
  actual colour. Do as many as you can in 60
  seconds, or until your brain melts down at
  having to compare #f784e0 and #e4040e.'
  Sheesh, this is hard, but web designers might
  get a few kicks from it.
http://www.anecdota.org/htmlgames/hexcolours/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Useless Advice

  We wanted useless advice that you'd been given:
http://b3ta.com/questions/uselessadvice/

  And being a thoroughly useless lot, you gave
  us tons of it, most of it from Grannies:

  * "Don't have children too early - you know if
  I'd have known about buggery when I got
  married I'm not sure I'd ever have had any -
  maybe you should try that instead of sex." (la
  la la's friend's Nan)

  * "Never trust a man, who, when left alone in
  a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on"
  (My_evil_twin's Dad)

  * "Don't apply to Oxford University. People
  get murdered there, I saw it on Inspector
  Morse." (littlemsbroccoli's friend's Gran)

  >> This Week's Question <<

  You know how you were desperate to lose your
  virginity, but when the situation actually
  arose to do something about it, it was all a
  bit scary? C'mon, it wasn't just us lot,
  surely:
http://b3ta.com/questions/notlosingyourvirginity/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> "This person may be HIV positive" <<
  Amusing little ad campaign for safe sex, based
  on the "I'm with stupid" t-shirt of olden
  time.
http://snipurl.com/advertisingcunts


  >> Geek cats <<
  You can't really go wrong with a gallery of
  endearing cats. These feline beauties are
  further embellished with very odd computer
  game-based epithets.
http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/cats/cats.htm


  >> Graphic designer's calendar/clock <<
  An attractive way of telling the
  time/date/year through a series of slowly
  shifting layers. Makes you peculiarly aware of
  how fast time is passing, but in a tastefully
  understated way.
http://home.tiscali.nl/annejan/swf/timeline.swf


  >> Unfortunate resemblance <<
  Quick work with a camera caught this
  remarkable similarity between crimewatch-style
  photofit and dodgy-looking presenter. It's
  fucking uncanny!
http://www.sayagain.co.uk/b3tapix/images/RAPPPIST.JPG


  >> Swirly, dotty music thingie <<
  Based on the pioneering work of experimental
  filmmaker John Whitney, this series of
  animations adds appropriate acoustics to
  lovely swirling dot patterns. Mellow and
  relaxing or challenging and stimulating
  depending on how much you want to get into it.
http://www.coverpop.com/whitney/index.php?var=v0


  >> Frog juice <<
  What's green but turns red at the flick of a
  switch? Ken Livingstone's transport policies.
  Er, okay, that was just a cheap gag, but check
  out this nutritious drink made from the pure
  pulp of fresh frogs. Apparently big in China
  and Peru, where it's seen as an aphrodisiac.
  Something this disgusting is always going to
  be seen as either a sex aid or a hangover
  cure, isn't it?
http://snipurl.com/yummyfrogdrink


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Celebrity Death Challenge

  Last week we wanted to you to show us the
  excruciating yet appropriate deaths of the
  rich and famous. You did so.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * ROBBIE WILLIAMS - Watch with glee as the
  self-loathing pop tosser takes a crosscut saw
  to his gusset. (HappyToast)

  * THE QUEEN - Savour the moment as HRH is
  savagely brutalised by a sex-frenzied
  stallion. (M3rx)

  * BEADLE - Laugh out loud as the
  strangely-bearded TV twat attempts to escape a
  certain fate. (HappyToast again)

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/celebrity_death/


  >> New challenge: Icons <<
  Keen boarders will know that if you give us a
  few quid, we'll give you a lovely pic to
  proudly display by your username. Frankly
  we're bored with the icons that we've got, so
  we've asked you to make some new ones.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/icon/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * DRAWBALL COCK - "With a massive amount of
  help from b3tans", boasts frogdoctor, "I made
  a massive magenta cock at drawball.com. This
  group effort took about 15 mins to look
  respectable, and then evolved. Imagine how big
  we could make one if you were to mention it in
  the newsletter!"
http://www.drawball.com/4ynef78

  * TOP TIPS UPDATED - "The tip about murderers
  and getting blood out of clothes with cold
  water," huffs Jezweston, who remains at large,
  "No, no, no. Use shampoo, warm water and hand
  washing. Its works amazingly well. I'm not a
  murderer, but I do play skate hockey, hence
  copious bleeding."


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Pixel Blaster

  "Maybe you guys will enjoy," speculates Tom
  Thornton, "my latest game creation." Woo, kept
  us busy for a few mins.
http://snipurl.com/rastapastablaster


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * VODKA BACON - stick a couple of packs' worth
  of bacon in litre bottle of vodka. Leave it
  for one week. Put the bottle in a pan of
  boiling water until the bacon is cooked. Drink
  bacony vodka. Smash bottle. Eat vodkary
  bacon. (Thanks baldmonkey)

  * SAT-NAV FOR PHONES - c'mon Nokia, we don't
  give a shit about 'lifeblogging' or whatever
  crappy functionality you add to your mobiles
  these days, but never getting lost ever again
  would rock.

  * CUMBUCKET - girls get sanitary towel
  disposal devices, what about us chaps?
  Somewhere to stick the spunky tissues.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by justelite,
  Terry fucking Nutkins, Andrew Temple and José
  el Gorrion Top Tippery by Zaphod's Wombat
  Additional linkage and image challenge by
  Fraser Lewry without Richard Branson. Oops!
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Props to b4ta.
  (What a fucking week.)

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  TOP TIP:
  The best time to make a dinner reservation at
  a popular place is about six hours before you
  want to eat. That's when cancellations start
  coming in.

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