we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "THE INTERNET EQUIVALENT OF A BULIMIC'S INDEX FINGER"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* SONG - Jonti's controversial views on Gypsies
* RETRO COMPUTING - Crap celebs in pixels 
* ANIMATION - Clever lollipop stick thingie

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're eating the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     lard pie... together"

B3ta email 337 - 18 July 2008

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue337/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  Frijj Milkshakes

  In a terrifying remake of the Blob a sinister
  little wreaks devastation upon the picaresque
  burg of Four Ridges by pouring yummy gooey
  Frijj brand milkshake over it. This is the
  scariest viral you will ever see, so we
  recommend you wear nappies.
http://tinyurl.com/5nabyx


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
  Cowboys, Gypos and Shakin' Stevens

  >> Sticky Cowboys <<
  We really liked this demented piece of lolly
  stick-based animation by The Brothers McLeod.
  We're imagining the boys stuffing themselves
  with 75 Magnums each in order to do this,
  although the reality is they probably bought a
  job lot of sticks off eBay. It's genuinely
  creative and it piles on the gags.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U28OMnbu3W0


  >> Electro Gypsy <<
  We're obsessed with gypsies in B3ta HQ - the
  fuhrer has been threatening to sell the B3ta
  wife to those Romany types for years. So we
  loved this latest piece of madness from Jonti
  Picking, though we feel the video would be even
  better if it had shown the leccy gypos eating a
  hedgehog.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Electro+Gypsy/


  >> 48k celebrity awards <<
  B3ta wishes to apologise for this - your Ginger
  Fuhrer instead of running the site properly
  spent the afternoon looking up old computer
  games and seeing how many pixely drawings of
  crap celebs he could find. This is probably of
  no interest to you unless you are from the UK
  and in your 30s.
http://www.b3ta.com/features/48kcelebrityawards/


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Faking it

  Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
  and lies into one handy place on the interweb.
 
  Last week it was faking it, your guide to times
  when bullshit was the only option.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/fakingit/

  * CHEESE LOLS - "A few years ago I worked for
  about 10 months in a sales office in
  Coventry... All the time I was there I told
  everyone that I didn't like cheese. Then one
  day while the manager (who, it has to be said,
  was a horrible woman) was out and I was really
  hungry I stole her cheese from the fridge and
  ate it. When she came back she understandably
  was pissed off that someone had stolen her
  cheese and gave everyone a hard time about
  it... except for me, because she knew I didn't
  like cheese." (Professor Kenny Martin)

  * FAKING CHILDHOOD BLINDNESS TO SKIVE SCHOOL (
  Tourette's) - we're linking these two stories
  as they're very long. Good tho. Worth a click
  of anyone's mouse.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/fakingit/post198186

  * BOUGHT A ROBOT OFF THE INTERNET AND PRETENDED
  THE SCHOOL HAD BUILT IT (PhillieJoe)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/fakingit/post197242
 

  >> This week: Best films ever <<
 A few weeks back we asked about books, and it
 gave us a great selection of ideas for stuff to
 read, so we thought we'd try something similar
 with films. (Not that we'd rapidshare them and
 watch them on the laptop in bed - no sir.)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/films/


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Deaf nicknames <<
  If you're around deaf people a fair amount, you
  will get a sign language nickname - it's a
  necessity to avoid spelling your name out every
  time you're mentioned. Thing is, you don't get
  to choose your own...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/features/sign_names.shtml


  >> Electronic dance music invented in  60s? <<
  Delia Derbyshire - the woman behind the Doctor
  Who theme recently died and left behind 100s of
  tapes in her loft. Fascinating stuff -
  including a track recorded in the 60s that
  sounds identical to the noise that came from
  student bedrooms in the 90s - Aphex Twin,
  Autechre and all those bods.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7512072.stm


  >> Pretty Flickr colour picker <<
  Pleasing results from this clever page that
  brings up Flickr images containing colours you
  choose from a palette.
http://labs.ideeinc.com/multicolr/


  >> Favicon Defenders <<
  Yes, the favicon: that tiny little picture you
  get to the left of the address bar in your
  browser. Through some sort of mind-warping
  hyper nerdery, a fully-functional version of the
  arcade classic playable in your browser.
  Playable, that is, if you squint.
http://snipurl.com/theworkofwitches  [www_p01_org] 


  >> Wolfenflickr <<
  Recreation of venerable shooter Castle
  Wolfenstein but with your own photos adorning
  the walls. And what seems like a lamentable
  lack of nazis. Stick 'robmanuel' in if you like.
http://www.nihilogic.dk/labs/wolfenflickr/


  >> Pencil review site <<
  For the nerds its like "Yay! Pencils!" for
  everyone else "Yay! Laugh at nerds!" Thus
  another webby win for all.
http://www.penciltalk.org/


  >> Utility kilts <<
  If you are a builder and you don't like wearing
  trousers then this could be right up your
  alley. Nobody at all will make fun of you.
  Although you should be careful going up
  ladders, maybe.
http://www.utilikilts.com/?page_id=30


  >> Radiohead viewer <<
  Their House of Cards vid is all over YouTube but
  this is better - lets you spin round Thom
  Yorke's funny little face, using the laser data
  from the visuals. The video, by the way, is
  very reminiscent of Kraftwerk's Musique
  Non Stop. Mashup anyone?
http://code.google.com/creative/radiohead/viewer.html


-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  A-Z of baby animals

  An entire alphabet's-worth of cuddly cuteness.
  Although it's worth noting that a few of the As
  aren't all that appealing.
http://dalesdesigns.net/BA1.htm


-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Ceefax was better

  >> Gorbie vs. zombie <<
  Heartfelt heavy metal tribute to the man who
  led the USSR to the consumerist promised land.
  And kicked  undead arse.
http://www.vimeo.com/1223566


>> Is Cake farts the new 2 girls 1 cup? <<
 First there was Goatse, then there was Tubgirl,
 then the broadband age brought us 2 girls 1
 cup. And in the words of moogthedog, "It's
 officially the end of the Internet. They should
 put up a sign. Don't bother looking for
 anything else... Nothing else compares to
 this..." VERY VERY VERY NSFW. 
http://www.cakefarts.com/


  >> World's longest eyebrow <<
  Repellant coverage of a bloke's bid for the
  world record longest eyebrows. Close-ups of
  long, stringy body hair abound. Brilliantly
  pompous music throughout.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrFRo3Hmdq8


  >> Little girl cheats claw game <<
  Alarmingly, she does this by clambering up
  inside the machinery and picking her own prize.
  People are shocked, but how do you think those
  things get stocked in the first place? You
  can't trust a monkey not to shit down the chute.
http://www.break.com/index/little-girl-cheats-at-claw-game.html


  >> Failed building demolition <<
  Structure proves distressingly sturdy for a
  crowd gathered to watch it get blown up. Begs
  the question: who has the unenviable job of
  going up there and knocking it down properly?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Failed_building_demolition


  >> Singing the puppies to sleep <<
  Baby dogs prove highly susceptible to the
  soothing power of song. But you must never
  stop, else they wake up and cry for more.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Time_for_bed_pups_It_am_sleepy_tiem


-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Rimming, rape, fatties and cock

  * Rim.jobs - Perverse URL forwarding from
  the careers department at Research In Motion.
http://rim.jobs

  * Burntherapist.com - Rough justice?
http://www.burntherapist.com/

  * TOAST for fatties - "TOAST provides support
  for people whose lives are affected by
  obesity." If you're thinking of bingeing reach
  out for TOAST.
http://www.callhelpline.org.uk/showagency.asp?ref=416

  * Scotland is a crudely-drawn, spunking cock -
  at least, according to the first known map of
  Great Britain.
http://www.foxearth.org.uk/Maps/GoughMap_large.jpg


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
  MJ Hibbett, Veitch and cooking cakes in cups

  >> B3ta Rock God MJ - Edinburgh show <<
  Our chum MJ Hibbett this week invited us to his
  new show he's taking to the Edinburgh
  Festival - featuring all the amusing little
  anecdotes he's prone to retelling if you go to
  the pub with him. Frankly it's awesome and it
  was the best night's entertainment we've quite
  literally ever had. Anyway, to get you in the
  mood, here's his new single which is also
  featured in the show. BTW: Best story? Our
  money is on the Zodiac Mindwarp one.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/It_Only_Works_Because_Youre_Here


  >> Meaty moon <<
  Joel's latest effort revolves around the idea
  that the moon is made of meat - in this case
  some rather frightening-looking mince that is
  made from goose feet. Don't let this put you
  off - the song and animation are great. Vintage
  Veitch (we can smell it from here).
http://rathergood.com/gooses/


  >> Cup cake cooking <<
  A link has been doing the rounds this week
  about cooking cake by plonking flour, sugar,
  eggs, milk, oil and chocolate power in a cup,
  microwaving then shoving fistfuls into your gob
  like a greedy child. Our very own Dyer has a
  go, and er, fails.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Failure_Cooking_with_Dyer


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Redraw cartoons challenge results

  Fraser - who normally runs our challenges is in
  Iran this week - we told him not to go as the
  news reports are, frankly, terrifying, but off
  he's toddled. Anyway, on with the show and our
  favourite entries included:
 
  * Roobarb and Custard with Parkinson's Disease.
  (Happy Toast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8544091

  * Spongebob sanitary towel. Or should that be
  Spongeblob? Great marketing opportunity here.
  (Joe Scaramanga)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8544993

  * Homer and Marge as The Moors Murderers.
  (Holly Would)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8558326

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/cartooncrisis/


  >> Low Budget Film Remakes <<
  This week we want you to re-imagine Hollywood
  without the cash.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/lowbudgetfilmremakes/


-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  Splashback
  
  Add fluid to the ominous, green droplets,
  hopefully bursting them and clearing the screen
  with ricocheting goo. BTW: Got to wonder about
  the name splashback - surely that's slang for
  when you piss in an urinal and it splashes your
  leg. Yum.
http://www.funny-games.biz/splash-back.html


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * REVERSE MUSIC - make a quiz testing whether
  people can identify a tune played backwards.

  * I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU'LL SHOW ME YOURS -
  remember that questionswap site? What about
  doing it with cocks and minges? Er.. 

  * HERDING KITTENS - the computer game.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson.  Stuff sent in by DeliriumSpong,
  MrA, Superkitty, glyn, catbrain, anthony sennett,
  juicygi, londoner. Additional linkage and image
  challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
  bloke. Subjlol via sepang. Click here for the
  ugliest person on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/badge.php?&i...ert&format=png


-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  Ants coming into your house? Watch them to see
  where they path (ants will ALWAYS use the same
  route unless it is obstructed), then simply draw
  a line of chalk across said path. The ants will
  walk up to the line and then turn back. Can
  someone test this? It could make an awesome
  short video. (oucheh)


-------------------------------------------------

  SICKIPEDIA:
  I went into Clinton cards today. I said to the
  woman behind the counter, "Do you sell
  bereavement cards?" She said, "Yes, sir." So I
  said, "Could I exchange one for this get well
  soon card I bought yesterday?
http://www.sickipedia.org/

next issue »
« previous issue