we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY. THAT'LL BE $2.99, PLEASE"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* NAZIS - On the BBC
* DR WHO - Knickers. Apparently.
* LULZSEC - Crazy CGI hacker news

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "We're doing the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  Rubic's Cube with...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|      Ed Miliband"

B3ta email 483 - 17 Jun 2011

This issue in the obsolete tech of your choice:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue483/

  Tramp Juice:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Prune juice:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  Grow your own mushroom box 
 
  We've been growing things at B3ta Towers - first
  off some basil plants on the window sill and now
  we've got ambitious - mushrooms in the shed.
  Piss-easy: buy the box, follow the instructions.
  It makes us happy for some reason, try it.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B004OOYN24/b3ta-21


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Lollies, Wheels and Dogs

  >> Billy Potatoes 4 <<
  Billy has a lolly... but how long can he keep it
  IN A WORLD GONE MAD???
http://bit.ly/isiLQd


  >> Animal wheel covers <<
  "I have been collecting peculiar spare wheel
  covers for cars," explains Wildyles. "They're
  mostly horses and dogs, that have probably
  died." It's probably the equivalent of WWI
  fighter pilots with pictures of planes they shot
  down.
http://animalwheelcovers.tumblr.com/


  >> Bono the biggest dog in the world <<
  "There's a fire at the school!" exclaims Pete
  Donaldson. "Can Bono help?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sD4zibhTFc


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Fairgrounds, Circuses and Carnivals
 
  Last week we asked for your carney-stories:
http://b3ta.com/questions/fairgrounds/

  * BOING - "My sister and nephew came to visit me
  when I was a student in the fair city of
  Stirling. I took them on the obligatory visit to
  Stirling Castle, and we walked from the town
  centre to the top of the hill upon which the
  castle looms. My nephew was only five at the
  time and found this rather a trek. My sister and
  I kept encouraging him saying, "We'll soon be
  there!" and "You'll see the castle soon!" and
  "It's an amazing castle, you'll love it!" When
  we got to the top, there was the great courtyard
  and behind that, the restored splendour of the
  castle itself, with its elaborate facade,
  gargoyles and sinister-looking mythical
  creatures. My nephew burst into tears. "Oh, oh,
  what's wrong?" I asked, all concerned. Sobs,
  tears. "I THOUGHT IT WAS A BOUNCY CASTLE!"
  (chinaman)
	 
  * BULLSEYE - "In Ireland we have our fair share
  of shabby, travelling fairgrounds. These were
  very much a highlight of our younger years. Back
  round the time when Kevin Costner was Robin Hood
  and it was the only video my nan had for us to
  watch, a fair arrived in our little village. My
  friend and I scoured the entire show, which took
  a whole half minute. Deciding we love life too
  much (and in the next village a kid would die on
  one of these rides) we settled on the games of
  chance. After too long at the pluck-a-duck
  stand, we headed over to the sucker arrow
  crossbows. No one ever won these. But I started
  singing the
  "Dundadundadundadundadundaaaadundaaaaa-
  duuunnnn" from Robin Hood and BAM. Bullseye. My
  friend and I stared. 20 Pounds! We called over
  the attendant and displayed my triumph. He
  glanced at it, grunted and hit the board causing
  the arrow to slide down and out of the winning
  zone. Now being much smaller, we were smart
  enough not to argue too much. But that, Mr
  Dickhead, is how the same night your shitty
  little stall came to be covered in old paint."
  (dazbrilliantwhites)
	 
  * TOSS - "Disneyland, Orlando. 1989. At a
  certain point in the day, if God had been
  watching, he would have found 15-year-old me
  hiding in the 'facilities' wanking furiously
  after watching a stage show featuring Snow
  White. I guess that's forgivable; I was 15.
  Disneyland, Paris, 2006. At a certain point in
  the day, if God had been watching he would have
  found 32-year-old me hiding in the facilities
  wanking furiously after having just watched the
  Tarzan show featuring a very athletic and barely
  dressed Jane. That's less forgivable, really."
  (scarpe)


  >> This Week's Question: Horrible things <<
  What horrible things have you done to the one
  you love (or loved)? Tell us of the times true
  love has not been as true as it should:
http://b3ta.com/questions/horriblethings/


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Dr Who girls' knickers <<
  Just another collection of Who Girls' underoos.
  The descriptions are wonderful. Obviously
  bollocks of course.
http://www.drwhogirlsknickers.co.uk/


  >> Danny Wallace: an email exchange <<
  Author Danny Wallace crosses swords with an
  idly abusive 'fan'.
http://goo.gl/j3Z5m


  >> Dear Photograph <<
  Pics of old photos, held up in front of the
  changed, contemporary scene. Sweetly melancholic.
http://dearphotograph.com/


  >> Britain's Got Talent hoax - confession <<
  Big story last week, 100,000+ views for the
  document, front page of tabloids etc - then the
  confession gets about 3k views. Ho hum.
http://justpaste.it/cpn


  >> Bounty on Blair <<
  Yep, there is a bona fide cash bounty being
  offered to anyone who attempts to arrest ex-PM
  Tony Blair for his part in the Iraq war. It's
  currently standing at £2k+. Conditions apply.
http://bit.ly/7ljDOj


-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like TV but on a screen smeared with fingers

  >> Taiwan News takes on the LulzSec story <<
  The CGI news brings its own special magic to
  covering the LulzSec hackers. Poor little
  4chan...
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Taiwan_taking_on_the_Lulzsec_story


  >> All the LulzSec passwords <<
  Every porn password released by the Lulzsec
  hackers, end-to-end at very high speed. Check if
  yours is in there - but don't pause the video,
  else youTube will be able to read your gmail!
http://youtu.be/0uXbosbLBBQ


  >> Dalai Lama joke failure <<
  Australian news presenter inexplicably tries out
  a one-liner on the Dalai Lama. Even as he's
  saying it, you can see his moment of dawning
  realisation.
http://bbc.in/kN4riw


  >> BBC Nazi technical hitch <<
  BBC Scotland run into a couple of hiccups with
  Hitler and Rudolf Hess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2USUxuy_9w


  >> eHarmony cat-lover <<
  Debbie's a recent MBA fraduate, looking for love
  on a dating site. Also she loves cats. She
  really, really loves cats. Almost as
  entertaining is just reading the comments of the
  people who took it at face value... This link is
  everywhere this week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTTwcCVajAc


  >> Nyan Cat <<
  Unstoppable, untoppable, hypnotic flying rainbow
  biscuit cat - classic. OMFG LOOK AT THE PROGRESS
  BAR!
http://youtu.be/QH2-TGUlwu4


-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Best job title ever
 
  @ereuben writes, "This is a job title you want
  on a business card."
http://bit.ly/kq8t5W


-------------------------------------------------

: FOLLOW FRIDAY 
  @KillingStation

  The inside scoop from the BBC's worst canteen -
  wonder how long it'll take the Daily Mail to
  write an article on @KillingStation with a bash
  BBC slant?
http://twitter.com/#!/KillingStation


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Cybercops Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to picture Britain's
  E-Crimes Unit at work.

  Your favourites included:

  * AN IN-JOKE - about the timing of our compos
  (1.618...)
http://b3ta.com/board/10444904

  * CHAT - where criminals gather, the cops will
  always snoop (OneForTheRoad)
http://b3ta.com/board/10445801

  * ERROR - it's a blagging with shooters, but on
  your desktop (Afinkawan)
http://b3ta.com/board/10445331

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/cybercops/


  >> New challenge: b3tadvertising <<
  Imagine that B3ta is an advertising agency. Then
  imagine that you work there, and show us the ads
  you'd make for existing or imaginary products
  and services. Challenge suggested by Holly Would.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/b3tadvertising/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * RESPECT TO DARKLORD, long term B3ta /links
  regular has passed away and McMookMac writes, "I
  mentioned a 'Darklord Friday' below in the sad
  post by tootla. I can't think of a better send
  off than a whole links day dedicated to him!
  Like a lot of us I did not know him personally
  but always enjoyed his quality linkage and
  comments, he will definitely be missed here."
http://www.b3ta.com/search/links?q=darklord

  * WIKI JP - peter.mcarthur writes,
  "Interestingly, the rules of the 'All Wikipedia
  links lead to Philosophy' vary by language. If
  you try playing by the English rules on Japanese
  Wikipedia, you just end up in a loop. English
  speakers tend to "front-load" their sentences --
  they put the most important ideas first -- but
  the Japanese put the important ideas at the end,
  so to find Philosophy you have to click on the
  *last* word of the first sentence."

  * CROSS-SECTIONS - we asked for this last week
  and drdingy writes, "bin dun in previous
  newsletter 438." Oops. (Our error is that, much
  like the Paul is Dead stuff of 1968, this
  newsletter has been written by impostors since
  2005)
http://insideinsides.blogspot.com/
 

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  HTML5 wonder thing

  Flash was the rock that early B3ta was built on.
  Now it's as about as fashionable as an H &
  Claire CD single. HTML5 is where it's at and,
  gosh, can't it do wooshy things?
http://musiccanbefun.edankwan.com


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  * BBC TV CENTRE VIDEO GAME - loveaintgonnawait
  writes, "I've always thought the BBC's
  Television Centre would make a great map for a
  multiplayer video game. It's iconic, and there
  are so many confusing corridors, secret passages
  and obscured balconies, it'd be fun to run
  around in. Now TV Centre's up for sale - and
  already half deserted - and it's very likely to
  be at least partially demolished, so if anybody
  with the technical know-how fancies making a
  Quake/Unreal/Halo level (or whatever the kids
  play these days), I'd be happy to show somebody
  the cool bits and let them take photos for
  textures and that. From B, a TV Centre
  employee." So if that's you, get in touch and
  we'll pass on the details.

  * RULE 34 - Crap Little Monkey writes, "I've had
  an idea how to explore how true internet rule 34
  really is. A random word generator (1, 2 or 3
  words) that adds "fetish" to the end and does a
  google search. See if you can find a porn site
  in the 1st page of results. If you can, rule 23
  is validated."

  * @IAMGOINGTODIEINJULY - "I've got an idea for a
  popular twitter account", writes PeteKylie,
  "Sign up to Dignitas and live tweet your death.
  Any takers?"

  Send e-jizz via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  Lovers:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Haters:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------


  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Al Qaeda, The FBI,
  Lulzsec, @piratechristoph, executiverocker,
  littleghoti, lingmops, GeorgeMonbiot,
  recklessrik, benwoodhams, codepo8, bengoldacre,
  Bootsthealchemist, Terry Oblong, davidnield,
  iamjamesward Top Tippery by sandettie light
  vessel automatic. Again. Additional linkage and
  image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is
  QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Manic.
  
-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  Fed up with soap welding itself to the soap
  dish? Imperial Leather soap has a small, raised
  plinth with a paper label, on which you stand
  the soap, thus creating a surface which will not
  adhere to the soap dish. That is its purpose,
  not for decoration. Which also explains why it
  never seems to come off until the soap has
  nearly all gone.

next issue »
« previous issue