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NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER WAS ONLY THE START OF IT..."

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This Week:
* SAVILE - Kunt writes the inevitable song
* ART - Badly drawn film frames in Maya
* TOO MUCH - Funny name corner :(

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "Sitting in Jimmy 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     Savile's chair... 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|        together"


B3ta email 549  - 05 Oct 2012

Read this issue with your WAP enabled phone:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue549

   Friends :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Bastards : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  Reader recommend iPad keyboard

  Matt Round writes, "If you end up with an empty
  B3ta newsletter ad slot & try this: As well as
  actually being a decent bit of kit, it seems
  to be something  people want to buy when they
  know about it (3 people I know have bought one
  since seeing mine) AND you can take the piss
  out of it for turning an iPad into a crap
  overpriced laptop."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00835UQK8/b3ta-21

  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  They've been making fun that's what  

  >> Jimmy Savile & the Sexy Kids <<
  "Sir Jimmy visited me in the night and asked me
  to set the record straight on his behalf,"
  confides a haunted Kunt. "By the way, he also
  asked me to say re. Megan Stammers, he would."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGuSqSSmyy0 


  >> The Origin of DUBSTEP <<
  "NOT for mature audiences!" warns teaandcheese,
  for what you are about to witness is nothing
  short of MAGIC.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Origin_of_DUBSTEP


  >> Romneyobamarama! <<
  "This is the last installment of the NewsHit
  series I did for Mondo," intones smearballs.
  The US presidential hopefuls duke it out, but
  whoever wins - we lose! That's not a political
  statement - we saw it on the poster of Alien
  vs Predator and were just waiting for a chance
  to say it.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Punching_Bags


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Rogues, Villains and Eccentrics
  
  Last week we asked for the lovable or not so
  lovable eccentrics you've met. These are the
  people that make life living:
http://b3ta.com/questions/roguesandvillains/

  * CRAZY CHARLIE - "is a friend of mine in 
   Richmond in his fifties. He's a talented artist
   with metal. He's also a convicted felon, who
   spent eight years in prison for burglary when
   the house he'd entered wasn't as empty as he
   thought, the Army soldier there took exception
   to his presence and things got violent. He's a
   loyal friend who will help out in any way he
   can, but he's about 37 degrees from sane. His
   bin-diving, especially for brass or old tools
   is obsessive, which is why, one night, when he
   spotted an axe that someone had thrown out, he
   slouched home with it. He's slightly-built, with
   a short grizzled pelt on his head, glasses, but
   also numerous tattoos and missing most of his
   right index finger. And an axe. On his way, a
   guy suddenly pointed behind him with an expression
   of dread. Charlie pulled out his iPod earphones
   just in time to hear a cop screaming at him to
   drop the axe. He did so and turned to find two
   cops with guns drawn aiming at his chest. They
   let him go with a warning; but, as he told me
   this story, he sounded hurt and bewildered that
   they harassed him. He genuinely didn't understand
   why they would have reacted this way. I didn't
   have the heart to point him toward a mirror."
(The Resident Loon)
  
  * SUPER SHAMAN - "Me and a couple of like-minded
   friends were stumbling about the woods after 
   consuming a pile of 'shrooms. We were sitting on 
   some logs, chatting and probably giggling, when
   seemingly from nowhere a shaman appeared. He 
   talked to us for a while, leaning on his staff,
   telling us how great it was that we had come to
   commune with Father Oak, the Great Tree of Life.
   He said it would enrich our lives and calm our
   spirits, and so on. He was clearly a shaman of
   great power and spirituality. Eventually he bid
   us goodbye, and disappeared into the trees. All
   very impressive, spoiled only by the naff and
   rather grubby shell suit he was wearing, and the
   can of Special Brew dangling from his hand. And
   the fact that there were no oaks in that wood."
   (moon monkey)
  
  * LEATHER PANTS MAN - "In Bristol city center 
   there used to be a guy who from May to September
   could be found striding purposefully around
   wearing a leather thong, a stonking pair or 
   20+ eye biker boots, and an epic bushy beard.
   My group of friends all took seeing him as the
   official arrival of summer like the first cuckoo
   of spring. One summer we hadn't seen him and
   were drunkenly discussing his absence. People
   nearby overheard us and agreed that the Leather
   Pants Man had indeed been absent this summer.
   Then, as if summoned, the Leather Pants Man 
   came striding over the hill into view. We went
   wild cheering and clapping drunkenly shouting
   LEATHER PANTS MAAAAN!!!! Our numbers had swelled
   somewhat and it was a fair-sized group. LPM 
   stopped, smiled, bowed theatrically, and stomped 
   off. Legend."
  (sittingduck - and Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver)


  >> This Week - DRIVEN TO MADNESS <<
  What annoying things do those close to you do
  that are driving you up the wall? Vent here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/driventomadness/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Badly-recreated animated film frames <<
  "Take a still from a multi-million dollar
  animated film that required thousands of
  man-hours to create and replicate it in Maya
  in 30 minutes". We want to play with Maya now. 
http://badlyrecreatedanimatedfilmframes.tumblr.com/


  >> World's least minimalist house <<
  Lower middle class fussiness combined with mental
  illness? Who could live in a home like this?
http://ow.ly/ef4AT 


  >> H. P. Lovecraft in the style of Dr. Seuss. <<
  Hopefully to be followed by The Tibetan Book of
  the Dead in the style of the Mr Men.
http://drfaustusau.deviantart.com/gallery/35258175


  >> High quality trolling <<
  Despite the tabloids trying to redefine trolling
  to mean rude comments to famous people, some
  remember the original meaning, including the
  wonderful 'Horsey Suprise' who bait all over
  the internet and screengrab the reactions.
http://horseysurprise.tumblr.com/


  >> Creative commons boardgame <<
  Neat bit of marketing here - download and print
  the game for free - but that'll be a bit of
  effort or buy it for $25. Personally we're
  just going to play it in our heads with
  imaginary people.
http://cardsagainsthumanity.com/



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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Youtube: the Laserdisc you don't have to turn over

  >> Honest Internet Explorer Ad <<
  Those new Microsoft TV commercials, with a hard
  slug of added TRUTH.
http://bit.ly/QXufV6


  >> Autotune the Presidential debate <<
  Romney and Obama remixed to music. Why, this
  sort of thing makes a mockery of the political
  system - as if it's all presentation over
  substance! Catchy stuff, as ever, from the Autotune
  the News team.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDaA4WKoYEA

&#8207;
  >> Skateboarding Girls <<
  Important safety-testing or surrealistic 'happening'
  - whichever, it's strangely mesmerising.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Skateboarding_Girls


  >> How to expose a fake clairvoyant <<
  Straight to the point; doesn't waste time; no
  prevarication or superfluous verbiage.
http://bit.ly/QXuob5


  >> This Land is Mine <<
  A brief history of the land called Israel/Palestine
  /Canaan/the Levant, to the stirring tones of the
  song from Exodus. We can recommend no more
  charming way of rendering yourself depressed
  and fearful.
http://blog.ninapaley.com/2012/10/01/this-land-is-mine/


  >> A little video about Hexaflexagons <<
  Once again, our dull, unsciencey brains are
  baffled by witchcraft in the form of
  geometrically-folded paper. Seriously, this
  is flipping amazing.
http://bit.ly/QXuzmP


  >> Somebody That I Used to Know - Old School  <<
  Two internet favourites combined, as obsolete
  electronic components perform Gotye's 'Somebody
  That I Used to Know'. We have a soft spot for
  the plaintive wail of the antique scanner.
  Like nostalgia for a crappy job you used to have.
http://bit.ly/QXuAXQ


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Not funny but still here. Like us really.

  * ASOS PENIS BLOUSE - this looks so smart that 
  it makes us want to recreate the look by sewing
  buttons down the length of our cock.
http://bit.ly/QXuIGG


  * INTERESTING RESTAURANT NAME - intriguing yes,
  but appetising?
http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/46/1554977/restaurant/Inner-City-Southside/Little-Dicks-Halfway-Inn-Oklahoma-City


  * THE KIDS love mum's...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B003YGUW4Q/b3ta-21


  * ALL GIRL SCHOOL - Stefan Macro writes, "The
  all-girl Loughborough Girls High School (part
  of the Loughbrough Endowed Schools) has a sweetly
  innocent URL."
http://www.leshigh.org/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Urban Animals Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to equip animals
  for the rigours of modern city life 

  Your favourites included:
 
  * ELEPHANT: rush-hour overcrowding 
    reaches new and perilous peaks (Fresh 
    Water Mole)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10854882
 
  * GOOSE: a British engineering classic, 
    and a giant leap in evolution (The 
    Snockerty Friddle) 
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10854655
  
  * DOG: that bald, pudding-bothering 
    fattie off of Masterchef, rendered as
    a pug (Ninj)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10854765
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/urban-animals/


  >> New challenge: Happy/Unhappy Endings <<
  This week's challenge is to change 
  history by 180 degrees, making happy endings 
  unhappy and unhappy endings happy. 
  Suggested by monkeon
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/happy-unhappy/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.
  
  * HAPPY EMAILS - H.O.Charles writes, "I read
  that you're receiving unhappy emails, so here's
  a nice one. Thanks ever so much for popping the
  note about my book in your newsletter. It hasn't
  launched me into a best seller list, but it did
  gain me a few  more readers and some nice comments.
  So cheers! It's great to be even the slightest
  bit noticed and/or featured anywhere, as loads
  of people  are vying to push their books on
  every outlet they can think of. As any writer
  will tell you, publishing can be quite a lonely,
  tough business!" The unhappy emails refer to the
  unfortunate ad we took via Zappideals detailed here:
http://bit.ly/QXuVd8


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * EAT A CANDLE A DAY - does your poo will come
    out encased in a waxy globe, smell-free & no
    wiping required?
  
  * UPSIDE-DOWN DINING - we reckon a roast dinner
    for breakfast and a a bit of fruit, etc. at
    night would be a much better way to do things.
  
  * SOME KIND OF BUTTON THAT STOPS THINGS BEING
    SHIT - possibly this is called heroin.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  One of usssss:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
 Ex-communicate: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @johnsto,
  @bl0ke, King Ralph, Scienti, SquidHead,
  cupboardy, Gratch, robneymcplum, &#8207;@JudgeySan,
  @MikeFishcake, @MarkPenrice, @DFLamont, 
  pixel_fucker, @denialvibes.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Top tip via (NoStrings)
  Subjlols via  Gruffi Savalas. We also liked
  
-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  If you're enjoying a bit of late-night internet
  filth, and you hear your partner descending the
  stairs, do not, in a panic, switch the site that
  is on screen. Pornography is a lot easier to
  explain than the sight of you, furiously
  masturbating to a BBC News article about Bashar
  al-Assad's merciless slaughter of Syrian civilians.

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