NEWSLETTER: "FRACKING YOUR INBOX FOR LOLGAS"
This Week:
* CLAYMATION - Leehardcastle's best work yet
* QUIZ - Name that Xmas song thingie
* PROJECT - Swearing Fruit Orchestra
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We've saving the web so
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the spiders don't have
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| to build one next year"
B3ta email 559 - 14 Dec 2012
Read this issue in a slightly different font size:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue559
Telnet : [email protected]
Smellnet : [email protected]
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: DOODLE COOK
Bread baking kits for kids (sponsored link)
Doodle Cook produce Doodle bread baking kits for
kids - crazy-looking bread with fun shapes
printed through the entire loaf like Blackpool
is printed in rock. 20% reduction for b3tans
from £15 to £12 using the code b3ta.
http://www.doodlecook.com/
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Aliens, Christmas & Swearing Fruit
>> An Alien Claymation <<
Prediction: either Leehardcastle has extreme
personality disorders which will prevent him
from realising his talent - or someone will
eventually give him a budget and he'll make hit
films. His alien claymation is stunning - the
pace, the humour and the ability to get the
audience gripped by giving them something to
care about. Brilliant - and we look forward to
being guests at his premiere.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/AN_ALIEN_CLAYMATION
>> What Christmas music quiz! <<
"Hey, I made a quiz, it took almost forever to
make, so please try it!", writes RarelyEvil,
"Can YOU guess where the 'Christmases' are
from? If you get enough questions right you'll
win a surprise that can make ANY song into a
Christmas song! (As if anyone would want
that...)" Hehe, fun and nice pay-off.
http://xmas.rarelyevil.com/
>> Swearing Fruit Orchestra <<
Your Ginger Fuhrer writes, "B3tan Matt Round
sent me a Makey Makey this morning - a kit
keyboard that connects up to anything that'll
conduct a current. First thing I tried was to
plug it into some fruit and made it talk to
Buffy's Swearing Keyboard."
http://b3ta.com/links/Swearing_Fruit_Orchestra
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: AMAZON TAT
Tampax review
Uncomfortable at first, but soo long-lasting.
It's the photo that makes it.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0011N1G0...
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Made Me Laugh
Last week we needed cheering up. So we asked
what had made you laugh recently:
http://b3ta.com/questions/mademelaugh/
* CUNTS - "A friend and I were walking up the
very steep ridge to Headingley when a pack of
feral kids (eldest 10 maybe) stepped out in
front of us. 'Give us a quid, mister.' I ignored
them, my friend told them to piss off. From that
moment we had an entourage. 'Cunts!' 'Wankers!'
'Shit Wankers!' 'Shit cunt wankers!' They
followed us a way up the hill, then got bored of
walking and just shouted. Around the corner at
the top of the hill, a smart, respectable
looking bloke in his 40-50s appeared, strolling
towards us as the young scamps below maintained
their one-sided conversation. ('Fucking shit
cunt wanker cunts'... 'Shit puffs') He turned to
us, 'It appears you have a reputation.'" (Larry
Death)
* NOSE - "My grandpa teases his (toddler age)
grand-kids with the whole 'Got your nose!'
thing. The end of the game will always be him
tapping the kid's nose - it's still there! what
a shock! - and going, 'Dink!' My 4-year-old
cousin had apparently had enough of this game,
as she waited for Grandpa to fall asleep, snuck
up on him, punched him full in the nose shouting
'DINNNNK!' at the top of her voice, and legged
it, laughing maniacally." (Sivvus)
* SKULL - "Overheard, walking past the
supermarket Halloween display, mother to child:
'You've got a skull! I'm not buying you another
one!'" (Ambegris)
>> This Week - OVERCOMING ADVERSITY <<
Have you fought back from a terrible illness?
Got out of a job that was going nowhere? Secured
a great victory against the odds through
dishonesty and cheating? Warm our hearts here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/mademelaugh/
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: B3TANS ON TV THIS XMAS
Your Radio Times style guide
* C4 MASHED - Friday 28 December 11.40pm Some
familiar B3tan names in C4 show Mashed. Count
them. Actually there's more than mentioned on
the website: not only Cassetteboy, Dan Bull &
your Ginger Fuhrer but also Monkeon, Happy Toast
and Superpowerless.
http://bit.ly/Z2Wg32
* UNCLE WORMSLEY - Joel Veitch's Christmas story
with Steve Coogan narating is on Sky Atlantic
HD, Christmas Eve at 10pm, Christmas Day at 7pm
& Boxing Day at 3pm.
http://www.unclewormsley.com/index.html
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> The animated GIFs of Wikipedia <<
One at a time, random, press space for more.
http://www.wikigifs.org/
>> Google 1960s emulator <<
Lovely, and we recognise the punchcards too -
they must have lurked on into the early 1980s
and been used for grading junior school
examinations - or at least that's what they
remind us of.
http://www.masswerk.at/google60/
>> Making things for the web <<
Not being content creators or having ever
worked for the web there isn't a line in this
we can identify. PS. We'm fibbing.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Imagine you could watch TV on your Atari Lynx
* MAWKISH 70s POP SONG - Some YouTube comments
are occasionally gold, "Oh look, it's David
Cameron reading out the national budget."
http://www.youtube.com/watch
* BRIGHTON XMAS LIGHTS - we'd like this to be
true but we've seen too many internet virally
things in our time to believe it. Nicely done
though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
* BEYONCE vs. YAKETY SAX - Boots Randolph's
fine recording improves everything.
http://bit.ly/VF0tSX
* MAD PEOPLE EXISTED IN THE OLD DAYS TOO -
"About five years ago, I was in my backyard
entertaining a friend with my hands." Chap
with, um, idiosyncratic camera presence
demonstrates his potty clapping machine. A very
silly, little video that crams in more
awkwardness than seems reasonable.
http://bit.ly/WbhpT6
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
* CLINT IS ALWAYS A PROBLEMATIC NAME - btw: his
surname is Eastwood because his wood hangs to
the east.
http://bit.ly/Z5leyU
‏ * COCK ARTIST TOLD OFF - this is the story of
our life in one frame.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/B3tan_reacts_to_telling_...
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: PATRICK MOORE OBIT
He doesn't play the xylophone anymore :(
Long-term readers will remember our 'Patrick
Moore Plays the Xylophone' project, but few
knew that Sir Pat once sent us a C90 he
recorded himself. Read on.
http://bit.ly/12g06Uj
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Xmas Card Challenge
Last week we wanted you to celebrate beards
Your favourites included:
* TERRY WOGAN BUMMED BY SNOWMAN - drawn by
Butters and probably Tex would need a bit of
butter to lube that.
http://b3ta.com/board/10893436
* EQUAL OPPORTUNITY SEXY CARDS - from HappyToast
although he did miss out the transgendered and
asexual community. And furries.
http://b3ta.com/board/10894084
* DISTURBING ADVENT CALENDAR - thanks to The
Coast Of Yemen - something to make the kids sob
this Xmas.
http://b3ta.com/board/10893064
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/xmas/popular/
>> New challenge: Accidents Waiting To Happen <<
It's the opening scene in Casualty. You know - a
man up a ladder chainsawing his hedge with a dog
chained to a rung. A squirrel runs past...
design a disaster waiting to happen. Challenge
suggested by Monkeon.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/accidents/popular/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* SHED OF THE YEAR - ‏@unclewilco tweets, "You
could always mention that #shedoftheyear 2013
is open for entries. Can a #pubshed take the
title again?"
http://sheds.ws/4kvYAb
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* NEW THINGS TO DO WITH MAKEY MAKEY - ok we've
done swearing fruit - what next? And what will
you do?
* NIPPLE BLASTERS - no idea what this means,
you should make some though.
* A BUTTON THAT STOPS RAIN - as it's pissing it
down whilst we type these words.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Lucky: [email protected]
Fucky: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by mrandrist,
‏@aljwhite, @doomladen, @pharcyder, jams, Carl
Mesner Lyons, ‏@flashboy, @ChrisShawEditor,
Wahey and Puerile Digital Arts Community, Image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
bloke. Subjlols via Smallbrainfield.
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TOP TIP:
How to read e-books in this age of infinite
digital distraction.
http://bit.ly/QYn9k5
