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NEWSLETTER: "7 WEEKS UNTIL YOU CAN BINGE WATCH BREAKING BAD"

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This Week:
* WORDS - AMAZING KATE BUSH STORY
* PHOTOS - FISH THAT LOOK HUMAN
* MEAT - ARRANGE AS A SHIP

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the whale     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   like a Nik Kershaw
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     album track"

B3ta email 594  - 16 Aug 20134

Read this issue whilst stroking your "cat":
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue594 

       Sub :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Snubscribe : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Amazon funnies ha ha ha ha sort of

  >> The Quarry by Banks, Iain - bonkers review <<
  "My father's novel 'The Quarry',by Ronald Marsh,
  was published in 1962. It was so much superior
  in style and content as to render the
  appropriation of the title by a recent author
  an impertinence." WTF!?
http://amzn.to/14jVT1r
 
  >> What Are These Strawberries Doing on My
  Nipples? ... I Need Them for the Fruit Salad! <<
  Vanessa Feltz produces the best titled book ever.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/075151005X/b3ta-20   

  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than be generally great

  *  VIDEO ABOUT ROBOTS AND FOOTBALL - "I directed
  a thing for the FA! WITH A GIANT ROBOT! Defying
  Darwin wrote it and stars in it as a violent
  footballing skinhead!", Cap'n, "It is
  technically an advert but the thing it's trying
  to sell is that people shouldn't act like dicks
  and scream at children so I hope people are okay
  with it."
http://bit.ly/18zMcPR


  * BARLEY SAYS "FRACKING" -  Mozza writes, "Just
  finished another Barley the Cat animation. This
  time Barley's spouting off about fracking."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Barley_Says_Fracking


  * WHAT EGG CUP PART 3 - "My struggle to bring
  egg cups to market continues.", writes Pig Face
  Turnip, "Warning - contains MC Hammer."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/What_Egg_Cup_Part_3


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Exposed!

  Last week we asked if you'd ever been caught
  naked in public. Go read how Aerialmeg showed
  her bush to Kate Bush:
http://b3ta.com/questions/exposed/

  * MILKY - "My husband works at sea and went back
  to work about 6 weeks after I had our first
  baby. He was away for 3 months at a time. I was
  pretty exhausted and, after a particularly
  gruelling night, was on the sofa, still in a
  grannified breast-feeding nightie at lunchtime.
  I fed the baby and dozed off to be awoken by a
  ring of the doorbell. I deposited the now
  sleeping baby and blearily stumbled to answer
  the door to the postman with a parcel to sign
  for. Duly signed for it and came by inside
  thinking what a terrified looking postman he
  was. Walked up the hall to put the parcel down,
  past the hall mirror. Where I was confronted by
  the sight of my hideous bed-head, sleep-deprived
  eyes, gross, milk-soaked nightie and, joy of
  joys, my left tit hanging out of the top."
  (Lolopops)

  * PUBES - "The defining moment in my teenage
  life came on a school sports day when I was
  fifteen, competing in the 1500 metres. It should
  have been a moment of glory as I crossed the
  finish line to rapturous applause, a full lap
  ahead of my nearest competitor. But nobody talk
  about how I set a new school record for the
  event. Instead, the memory everyone has is of me
  flopping to the floor, sweating and panting,
  spreading my legs and exposing my right testicle
  through a newly formed hole in my shorts. Any
  applause was replaced by a swell of laughter
  that spread through forms A to K like a tidal
  wave of shame as I confirmed to all that I did
  in fact have ginger pubes. Even to this day if I
  walk into a pub in my home town and one of the
  girls from my year happens to be there, though
  they're all grown up with a family and a career,
  they will still shout out 'Ginger Pubes' across
  the pub and break into fits of adolescent
  laughter. I leave soon after." (lickmyscripts)

  * NIKES - "New Year 1996, a flatmate has got
  some lovely new sneakers for Christmas. "I'm
  going to try these out," he says. A few minutes
  later there's a glimpse of pasty pink and the
  sound of a slamming door. We peep out of window
  to see a pair of fluorescent Nike soles and an
  otherwise naked flatmate disappearing down the
  street. Five minutes later a beaming flatmate
  and two police officers appear at the door. "Is
  this yours?" they ask. "Yes." Ominous pause.
  "Has he not got any other Christmas presents he
  could wear?" (Dr. Shambolic)
 

  >> This Week - GONE OFF <<
  What no longer pleases you? What have you gone
  off?
http://b3ta.com/questions/goneoff/


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: USVSTH3M STUFF
  Three games from the "other" project

  * PETROL PUMP GAME - try and hit £20 exactly in
  our wonderfully frustrating Petrol Pump Game.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/pump/

  * YOU CAN'T DO BINARY UNDER PRESSURE - we canít,
  well most of our team canít.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/binary/

  * GUESS THE AUTOCOMPLETE - can you predict the
  hive mind?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/autocomplete/
  
  Make sure you follow @usvsth3m on Geocities to
  get all the stuff first.
https://twitter.com/usvsth3m


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * IF FISH WERE HUMAN - maybe they'd be a little
  like this?
http://www.acbe.eu/

  * SMITHS LYRICS + PEANUTS = some kind of mash up
  thing.
http://thischarmingcharlie.tumblr.com/ 

  * WOMAN PRETENDS TO BE VARIOUS CELEBS - only
  using the power of extreme makeup.
https://www.facebook.com/carlypaigemakeup 

  * ALL ABOARD THE MEAT SHIP - old as the hills but
  delicious. 
http://www.supersizedmeals.com/food/article.php/20080212-The_Meat_Ship

  * 3D PRINT FAILURES - the future is going to be
  just as crappy as the past.
https://secure.flickr.com/groups/3d-print-failures/

  * EPIC TWITTER BATTLE - if people on Twitter
  were a little more erudite. 
http://christthetruth.net/2013/08/11/epic-twitter-battles-round-1/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like telly but without the TV licence 

  * HITER CRAZY GOLF - love Hitler? Love golf? We
  havez wayz of making you putt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bR4ueXQRbPE
  
  * FRIGHTENING HOMEMADE WATER SLIDE - that makes
  people bleed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSDRqV1p63A

  * CONTROVERSIAL BABY DYNAMICS YOGA - please
  don't do this to babies, it looks horrible.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7ihdsjIqhI

  * ENGLISH DISCO LOVERS TURN UP AT EDL PROTEST -
  and dance like people who enjoy dancing.
http://youtu.be/sYPpbfs5Vn4


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Punctuation Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to misuse punctuation to
  change the meaning of things.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * EATS: rogue apostrophe and misplaced letter
  create a disturbance in the Force
  (Mystery_Machine)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10992686
 
  * SHOOTS: Alex Jones, Matt Baker and guest Bez
  get the MDMA in (monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10993944
  
  * LEAVES: the tawdry truth of the world's
  largest search engine, revealed in a single
  space (Captain Howdy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10992567  
  
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/punctuation/


  >> New challenge: Sport <<
  This week's challenge is to demonstrate sports
  that never caught-on. Underwater tennis, anyone?
  Hamster baiting? Dwarf fondling? Helicopter
  Basketball? There must be millions. Challenge
  suggested by notoolsovernight
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/badsports/


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    Twats:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel
  with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by via
  wavylines. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
  Trinder is QOTW bloke.

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  TOP TIP:
  Having too much fun and excitement? Need to be
  bored? Watch mind numbing film The Social
  Network. (Doctor Frog)

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