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This Week:
* ANIMATION - Racist brainstorming
* EXPLANATION - Bees!
* LOCATION - Locate the London Location

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the Nanny State
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     from hurting itself"

B3ta email 595 - 23 Aug 2013

Poke at this newsletter with a dirty stick: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue595 

   In : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
 Not In : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Racism, Porn Filter, Bees, Exploitation and Anti-Food

  >> Brainstormtroopers <<
  "This was topical," writes somegreybloke, "when
  it was commissioned by a TV channel I'm not
  allowed to name. Then I made it, then some
  lawyers dicked around for 2 weeks discussing it
  and now I'm not getting paid and here it is."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Brainstormtroopers


  >> Barley Says - Porn Filter <<
  "I've done another 'Barley Says' for Mashed,"
  writes mozza. "This time Barley takes on the
  nanny state."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Barley_Says_Porn_Filter


  >> Bee Colony Collapse <<
  "A song about this very serious matter," offers
  weebl. We think he's hit on the genuine
  explanation. Powerful stuff. Powerful, cockney
  stuff.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bee_Colony_Collapse


  >> Marketing the DaVinci exhibition <<
  "Some things never change," writes HappyToast.
  "This is a little thing by me and monkeon."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1053494


  >> Anti-food blog <<
  "I hate pretentious food blogs," writes colmq2.
  So he attempted to make the exact opposite. "I
  generally use horrible ingredients and take
  very, very bad pictures."
http://myfoodeeblog.wordpress.com/


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Things I've gone off

  Last week we asked about things you used to
  like, but have now gone off. Who knew fucking
  trees and drinking heavily would no longer be
  fun when we grew up?

  * FOX - "This is Samantha Fox" declared my mate,
  sweating heavily next to a tree with a knife in
  his hand. He pointed at a large "M" shape carved
  in the bark. "These are her tits," he said
  proudly. "And this," he explained, pointing at a
  scratched-out sappy triangle, "is her fanny."
  "Right-ho" I said. "Now what?" "Now we fuck
  her." He clambered back up onto the branch, and
  began humping his crotch against the shaking
  limb. "It's brilliant!" he announced as he
  thrusted. "Come up and have a go!" I went home,
  took my Samantha Fox poster down from the wall,
  and threw it in the bin. (Wet-chinned bag
  shanker)


  * TRIFLE - I recall getting really excited by
  trifle as a kid, so I made one recently and sat
  there wondering what the fuck I was doing eating
  layers of cold custard, tinned fruit, cake
  crumbs soaked in rum, and cream, with hundreds
  and thousands on top. I mean, cold custard is
  pretty shit. The whole thing was shit. If I want
  fruit in booze, I'll drink Pimms. This is why
  adults don't eat trifle. It's shit.
  (IHateSprouts)


  * GIN – I went off gin after a night on some
  ropey 90% proof shit from the Philippines that
  saw me vomiting for 4 hours straight and then
  walking across Waterloo Bridge in my nightdress
  and passing out on the Strand. Then I went off
  vodka with diet coke after a night on some ropey
  own brand from Kwik Save that tasted
  suspiciously of almonds and saw me vomiting for
  4 hours straight and passing out face down in a
  flowerbed whilst my so-called friends took
  pictures of me. They only thought that I might
  have died about 3 hours later. I had previously
  gone off whisky after a night on some seriously
  ropey shit that we mixed with fresh orange in
  the absence of anything better (we were 14) and
  saw me vomiting for about 4 hours straight the
  following morning whilst trying to hide it from
  my parents. Bit of a theme here (Rachelswipe)


  >> This week – LEAD BALLOON <<
  Have you tried to be funny and failed horribly?
  Or have you witnessed someone crash and burn by
  either being plain unfunny or offensively
  unfunny?
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/leadballoon/


-------------------------------------------------

: SAVE THE BADGERS
  By buying some cool t-shirts

  "We're raising money for badger vaccinations,"
  write Brian Blessed's people to our people.
  "Any help greatly appreciated." 

  We like badgers and we like Brian Blessed. If
  you feel the same, buy a t-shirt. Every sale
  includes a £5 donation to Team Badger.
http://www.brianblessed.com/


-------------------------------------------------

: UsVsTh3m
  That 'other' comedy website

  >> Locate the London Location <<
  You're dropped into random London locales via
  the magic of StreetView. Can you guess roughly
  where you are?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/london/


  >> How Much is That House? <<
  Test your/your significant other's house price
  obsession to the absolute limit, valuing houses
  around the UK. 
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/howmuchisthathouse/


  >> What do British people call 'Tig'? <<
  We asked 986 people what they called the
  playground game 'tig', how they referred to
  their evening meal and what they call a small
  bread roll. Interesting maps resulted.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/58778295395/we-asked


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> What Rhymes With "Hug Me"? <<
  Poor Robin Thicke couldn't think of a rhyme in
  "Blurred Lines", but this website is here to
  help. For example, he could have said "Let's
  play rugby".
http://www.whatrhymeswithhug.me/


  >> GIF dance party <<
  Make your own GIF dance and party like it's
  1999. 
http://fuzzywobble.s3-website-us-east-1.amazonaws.com/


  >> Street Ghosts <<
  Weird, arty protest against Google StreetView's
  unauthorised use of people's images… by taking
  those images and putting them onto walls, which
  are then photographed again by Google
  StreetView.
http://streetghosts.net/


  >> Adult Cat Finder <<
  Having a hard time connecting with adult cats
  in your area?  
http://adultcatfinder.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Tiny, sorcerous paintings that move!

  >> Dolly Parton "Jolene" at 33rpm <<
  Slowed down, so that Dolly sounds like a man,
  adds an interesting twist to the story.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1051110

  
  >> Magic Beard <<
  Kindly father entertains his young children
  with a stop-motion film of amazing beard tricks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEYCPc9P-Q0


  >> Librarians recreate Beastie Boys Sabotage <<
  Or at least, they do their best. Badass.
http://vimeo.com/66169135


  >> Real-life Alan Partridge <<
  Utterly cringe-worthy 'celebrity endorsement',
  as Channel 4 racing commentator Tommo visits a
  hotel in Doncaster. The extras could not look
  any more embarrassed - and extras have a high
  threshold for that. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJb0Izry818


  >> Grumpy Cat interviewed on Australian news <<
  Promoting her new book, Tardar Source takes to
  the airwaves with predictable results.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW8Aleq2Hn0


  >> Quadcopter hits groom in the head <<
  Wedding photographer loses control of camera
  drone at the worst possible time. Here's the
  footage it recorded. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocqB6_y71xE


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Bad Sports Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to recall the
  sports that never caught on

  Your favourites included:
 
  * POTATO: children's party game prepares
  contestant for emergency burns unit 
  (thanatos)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10997273
 
  * RASH: Merrick-channeling Top Gear
  buffoon endures uncomfortable drag 
  (Captain Howdy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10996673
  
  * DIZZY: Dutch king of tessellation
  titillation accommodates kayak 
  (mike woz ere) 
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10996837
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/badsports/


  >> New challenge: Fridges! <<
  "Fridges are cool," says dolphinwhisperer. 
  "Need I say more?" No, dolphinwhisperer, 
  you don't. And that's why your suggestion 
  is this week's one-word image manipulation 
  challenge. Fridges!
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fridge/


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * PLANT WHISPERER - Somebody to come round and
  tell us why our window box herbs keep dying.
  It's depressing.
  
  * A DISCRETIONARY EXTRA FIVE HOURS IN THE DAY -
  Not increase productivity, just to waste
  mucking about.

  * A NEW FOOD that people find as hilarious as
  bacon, but that we are considerably less bored
  with.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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    Left: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Right: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by people. Top people.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Top tip via sir_spicious2000 and sandettie light
  vessel automatic.
  Subjlol via joefish .
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Overcooked bacon. Can make a delicious
  meat-spoon when eating Pot Noodles.
  
  TOP TIP #2:
  Make the day seem special by cutting your
  sandwiches into triangles. Also tip a packet of
  crisps into a bowl.

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