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NEWSLETTER: "JOLLY GREEN GIANT WINS NOBEL PEAS PRIZE"

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This week:
* ANIM - dog in a parked car
* BOIK - willy-beakers
* ART - with sausages

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "Classic
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      Digital
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|         Fraud"

B3ta email 602 - 11 Oct 2013

Look - this newsletter is internet famous"
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue602

   Yes : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Maybe : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
  Pink Ouija Board

  Seasonal, but subtly gendered. As ever, worth
  a look for the reviews.
http://amzn.to/1afGy4j


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Dogs, Pixels and Unicorns

  >> Carpark dog-teasing goes wrong <<
  "A shopping trip goes very wrong," writes
  animator Smartie123, "When a man finds that
  he parked his car next to a very teasable dog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTWuZav-elY


  >> Pixelly superpowers <<
  "Meet the kids of Planet Nine," greets
  andymartin. "And their pixellated superpowers."
http://www.vimeo.com/75844254


  >> Unicorn flu remedy <<
  Psychedelic cautionary tale about always
  following the instructions on packaging.
  Thanks for the nightmares, nicenight4evening.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Manicorn


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: USVSTH3M
  Some of the best stuff from our other site

  >> Super Tory Boy <<
  Imagine Mario was born into a life of privilege
  and joined Britain's ruling classes. Grab the
  cash, slash wasteful public service and bash
  the scrounging poor.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/super-tory-boy/


  >> Owen Paterson's Badger Penalty Shootout <<
  Poor Owen can't get anything done, because
  badgers keep moving his goalposts - he needs
  your help!
http://bit.ly/1hC814j


  >> 16 horrible pub customers <<
  People who the bar staff should legally be
  allowed to stab in the kidneys.
http://www.usvsth3m.com/post/63087392700/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Love/hate Britain

  We wanted to know what you felt about this
  newsletter's homeland. Go read Ladyfingers
  explaining why they are a "Salty Cock":
http://b3ta.com/questions/lovehatebritain/


  * RACISM - "My old boss had political views that
    would have got him kicked out of UKIP. To
    him, the idea that the Foreigns should be sent
    back to Bongo Bongo Land wasn't extreme
    enough. After they'd been repatriated,
    Bongo Bongo Land should then be nuked to
    prevent them getting out again.

    "One day he was getting drunk at the bat and
    started to hold court. He lived in a sleepy,
    Sussex village and recently a family had moved
    into the area who were of teh dark-skinned
    persuasion. this was not on. There were places
    for blacks to live, and they were cities. It
    was a fucking disgrace, why should he have to
    put up with living within a mile of these
    people. 'My grandad didn't fight in the war so
    I'd have to live next door to a load of
    blacks. He fought for white, Anglo Saxon
    Protestants and he'd be spinning in his grave
    right now.'

    "Suddenly, an old man at the bar piped up,
    'My dad fought in the war and he would have
    punched you straight in the face. He was a
    Scottish Catholic and fought to stop fascists
    like you!' He necked his drink and walked past
    the now-spluttering racist without glancing in
    his direction, with the immortal words, 'You
    cock!'"
(monkeyboyalpha)


  * RIOTING - "Now, I'm not one much given to jingoism,
    but there have been rare occasions when I feel
    proud to be British. Mostly these reasons are
    tea-related, but one national event sticks out
    in my mind. Obviously I'm not talking about
    the Olympics here but the rioting that
    happened just prior. Watching the news, I saw
    gangs of yoof hurling bricks, bottles and the
    odd Molotov at police. The police 
    themselves were fighting back with baton
    charges and tear-gas.

    "I was awestruck. I was watching London, our
    nation's capital burn, and yet, in the midst
    of all this carnage and anarchy the rioters
    had managed to break open the shutters of an
    electronics store and, as the missiles flew
    and the fires raged around, these rioters
    formed an orderly queue to loot it. I honestly
    felt like standing up and saluting the telly."
(willenium)


  * JINGLING - "I love the fact that being from a
    country that spent lots of time wandering around
    the globe nicking things and fighting everyone
    that our national dance involves waving hankies
    and jingling bells.

    "I'd very much like to see the England Rugby
    team Morris as a response to the Haka next time
    we play NZ. It'll shit 'em right up."
(Draconacticus)


  >> This week - IRRATIONAL PEOPLE <<
  Who drives you up the wall through their utterly
  irrational and illogical behaviour? Rant here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/irrationalpeople/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Do you dunk your penis? <<
  You've probably already seen this, unless
  you've been living under an internet rock this
  week. Or don't spend 24/7 glued to your
  computer, we guess. Mumsnet discussion about
  whether it's normal to keep a special beaker by
  the bedside, penises for the cleaning of.
http://bit.ly/1bW15AT


  >> How to do silly fonts on Twitter <<
  This probably doesn't work on all platforms but
  still fun. Why not RT everything the Daily Mail
  puts out, but in a faux-Nazi-style font?
http://bit.ly/GP5OHp


  >> IKEA product or death metal band? <<
  It's not as easy as you might think, to tell
  apart Scandinavia's most popular exports.
http://ikeaordeath.com/


  >> Human shaming <<
  First, there was dog-shaming, then cat-shaming,
  now it's human's turn to join the shaming fun.
http://www.sadanduseless.com/2013/10/human-shaming/


  >> Higgs Boson explained <<
  What with all the Nobel Prize talk this week,
  it's good that the New York Times has taken
  time out to explain the Higgs Boson to simple
  folks like us.
http://nyti.ms/17dfpOE


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Best-viewed at 640x480 on a 13" CRT

  >> Russell Brand interviews Westboro Baptist Church <<
  A masterclass in how to deal with awful people
  without sneering. The awful people in this case
  being the terrifyingly homophobic Westboro
  church, of course.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBA6qlHW8po


  >> Horse slowly tries to eat cameraman <<
  This guy is a consummate professional - 
  maintains his composure, even while an
  overly-affectionate equine nibbles on his ear.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bgZSN_K-v0


  >> Islamic militia shoot down a... ? <<
  Short banksy clip that, you know, subverts your
  expectations, innit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsF3HspQY6A


  >> Slow-motion paint on a speaker <<
  Hypnotic, beautiful, a proper pain in the arse
  to clean up afterwards.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WKU7gG_ApU


  >> The Liebenfrost effect <<
  Extraordinary video, of water hurling itself
  around a heated maze, driven only by the
  strange physical effect known as Liebenfrost.
http://bit.ly/1hHEQN1


  >> Cookie Monster on Newsnight <<
  What more is there to say?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IW17LiAuHcc


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Sausage Art Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to create porky banger
  masterpieces - and you did.

  Your favourites included:

  * LICHTENSTEIN: pop-art icon designs opening
    credits for school-day soap (mutated monty)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11016649


  * MATISSE: modern art pioneer dresses canvas
    with gambolling pork, sage and onion (monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11017551


  * TARANTINO: in-car sausage explosion filmed by
   B-movie maestro (taebgorF)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11016868


  All of these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/board/challenge/sausage-art/


  >> New Challenge: Reverse Everything <<
  This week's challenge is like all the b3ta
  challenges at once: Make the World Backwards.
  Like, the audience on stage with the band
  watching. Like socialist Tories and Tory
  socialists. Like Princess Di papping the
  photographers and the Queen begging for loose
  change. Like orange lemons and... you get the
  idea. Challenge suggested by Memaxx.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/reverse/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

  * BUY YOUR PENIS-BEAKERS HERE - "It would be
  awesome if you would plug this," writes
  enterprising b3tan Gonzo, who has leapt aboard
  the penis bandwagon and grabbed it with both
  hands. If you want a penis-decorated beaker,
  why not buy it here?
http://www.penisbeaker.com


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things that we'd really like to see include:

  * A MIRROR THAT REFLECTS YOUR YOUNGER SELF - 
  unless you used to look shit. Which probably
  does cover most people.

  * A CASTLE IN THE CLOUDS - it doesn't hurt to
  ask, does it?

  * A DECENT, CHEAP B&W LASR PRINTER - ours is 
  on the fritz and this seems like a more 
  realistic expectation than the castle thingy.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't 
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  Cuadrilla: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Mozilla: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel and
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by
  @natt and the bad-arse b3ta bears.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Subjlols via Mushroom.
  Tip via @peachesanscream.

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: AUSTERITY TOP TIP: Aldi lobster is better than
  Waitrose lobster.

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