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 This Week:
 * ANIM - Muffin song
 * GAME - Name that 90s Smash
 * MELON - Right in the face

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 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "We're hating     
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     Yahoo Groups
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|      neo... together"

 B3ta email 604 - 25 Oct 2013

 Read this newsletter in readable format: 
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue604 

   Sub : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Mariner : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Bakin', Warnin', Muffin

  >> Life is great when you're a muffin <<
  "This sunny little cartoon examines the
  day-to-day antics of a sentient muffin,"
  explain Cope&Dalton. "Because we've all
  wondered."
 http://www.b3ta.com/links/1084307/

 
  >> Great British Bake-Off alternate ending <<
  "If you haven't seen the end of this year's
  Great British Bake Off do not watch this,"
  warns becomingbatman. We feel that if you've
  missed it you deserve everything you get.
  Anyway, here's the re-edited ending that will
  be included in the box set.
 http://www.b3ta.com/links/1085824/


  >> A warning from the future <<
  Somegreybloke warns of the encroaching
  'Islamification' of Britain that will...
  basically, make it a nicer place with fewer
  drunks. 
 http://www.b3ta.com/links/A_warning_from_the_future


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 : USVSTH3M
  Stuff we like and also we made

  * GEORGE OSBORNE'S AUSTERITY NINJA - Slash the
  budget, grab the cash! Play it with sound on
  for the full benefit.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/austerity-ninja/
  

  * NAME THAT 90s SMASH - how are your skills at
  spotting hits from the music's Greatest
  Decade... Ever?
 http://toys.usvsth3m.com/name-that-90s-smash-hit/


  * REAL BRITISH SIGN LANGUAGE - in case you
  thought the Brits were just flapping their
  hands around.
 http://usvsth3m.com/post/64961201835/the-real-british


  * ALIENS, PREDATOR OR ROBOCOP? Guess the
  nostalgic sci-fi film from the cheesy dialogue.
 http://toys.usvsth3m.com/aliens-predator-or-robocop/


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 : QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Bad Dates
 
  Last week we wanted you to tell us about your
  least successful date. And, like a bunch of
  losers, you had some great stories:
 http://b3ta.com/questions/baddates/


  * STINKY - "Job interview in Shanghai, booked
   into a hotel by the firm with another applicant:
   a Canadian ex-figure skater. Thinking 'yeah,
   gonna have a crack at that,' I take her for a
   cheap Kung Pao Chicken. After a walk around
   the Bund it's clear she's terminally boring,
   but I'm even more determined to get something
   out of the evening. 

   "We get back to the hotel area and a tiny
   little rumble starts in my guts. Within 50m of
   the hotel, there's loads of body contact, I'm
   in! But this fart needs out before we're in a
   confined space. One little push should do
   it... WHOOOOOSH! Out comes a jet of scalding
   hot, brown liquid. 

   "I'm in the middle of the street with shit
   running through my white linen shorts and down
   my legs: distract her! Managed to make some
   weird game of walking behind her with my hands
   on her shoulders till I shove her into the
   lift and pretend I forgot something.

   "I let the doors close before sprinting to my
   room, soiled stuff into bathroom bin, bin on 
   window ledge, 20sec hosedown in the shower, and
   she's banging on my door. By now, I just want
   to get the sex over with and fall asleep, so I
   jump on her and rush through some rudimentary
   foreplay, just get the tip in when there's
   knocking on the door and they won't give up.

   "It's the bellboy wanting to return a bin-full
   of shitty clothes that've fallen from the
   window ledge into the hotel entrance. Now
   everything stinks of shit. We both agree that
   just maybe we should sleep in our own rooms."
 (Ol' Ginger Bastard)

 
  * HORSEY - "I'd just started seeing a rather fun
   woman, and we were still in those low-numbered
   dates when you are discovering all the different
   ways you can fit your bodies together. After a
   busy night we'd been woken by the early morning
   sun streaming into her flat, and it seemed a shame
   to simply go back to sleep. So off we went again.

   "Luckily there a sheet draped over us when her
   four-year-old daughter ran into the room. Seeing
   me on top of her mother didn't phase her; in
   fact she jumped up on top of me and giggled,
   'Let's play horsey!'

   "Thankfully we manage to disengage without
   causing irreparable trauma to the little one.
   I then have to carry her around the room for a
   few circuits, with my whelk- shrivelled cock
   attempting to climb back into my body and her
   mother in the corner pissing herself laughing."
 (moon monkey)


  * SHORTY - "Some years ago, a girl named Sandra
   and I went to watch Trainspotting at the cinema.
   It was going swimmingly. We were the only people
   in the theatre to laugh when Spud said walking
   across moorland was not 'natural'. I whisked
   Sandra off to sticky Camden dive The Underworld
   for some late drinks, intimate chat and perhaps
   exchange of fluids. 

   "A couple of watered-down Carlsbergs later,
   who should walk in but Green Day singer Billy
   Joe Armstrong and a small entourage? Sandra
   went over seeking his autograph, but instead
   got invited to a party, for which they left
   immediately without so much as a nod in my
   direction, leaving me with only my 'lager' for
   company. Billy Joe Armstrong is very short."
 (wellweapon)


  >> This Week - LEGO <<
  Show us the greatest thing you've made with
  Lego, or tell us how you got a big bit stuck
  up your winky:
 http://b3ta.com/questions/lego/


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 : SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Words For That <<
  Site that matches words with no meaning to
  meanings in search of a word. Our current fave:
  Stalkwardness - “When talking with someone in
  person, trying not to seem like you know too
  much about them despite having stalked them on
  Facebook and knowing details of their life.”
 http://www.wordsforthat.com/


  >> Retro computers as USB keyboards <<
  Nostalgic for the ZX Speccie, or a Commodore
  64? This Etsy shop transforms ancient home
  computers into stylish, contemporary keyboards.
 http://goo.gl/ZxFOCr


  >> Squishy Earth <<
  Vent your frustrations with the world on this
  squashable web toy of the old-school variety.
 http://www.byronknoll.com/earth.html


  >> GIFs before there were GIFs <<
  Tumblr of quirky animations that date from
  before there was even cinema. 
 http://dickbalzer.tumblr.com/


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 : VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Did that jpg just move???

  >> Windscreen cat <<
  Mean, but also rather funny. Triggering the
  windscreen wipers at juuuuust the right time.
 http://b3ta.com/links/1085222


  >> Toddler dresses as neon stick-man <<
  Cute and alarming in equal measure - dad makes
  glow-in-the-dark Halloween outfit for his
  two-year-old daughter.
 http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dawwww


  >> Amazing hand-lettering demo <<
  The guy looks like a Tesco Value Slash from
  Guns 'n Roses, but when he starts to write...
 http://www.b3ta.com/links/1085324


  >> Melon in the face <<
  Old, but we still love this clip from The
  Amazing Race. Woman falls foul of
  malfunctioning melon-catapult. "I can't feel my
  face."
 http://www.b3ta.com/links/1086045


  >> Sushi cats <<
  Another WTF video from Japan - cats, sushi,
  cute, inexplicable. You know the score.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPhbVTf52Go


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 : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Chicken Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to celebrate 
  chickens, because they're ace. Your
  favourites included:
 
  * PUN: Photoshop triumph in delightful 
  challenge synchronicity (moon monkey)
 http://www.b3ta.com/board/11021309
 
  * FORCE: death egg explosion rampage for
  spectacular Star Wars thing (Tribs)
 http://www.b3ta.com/board/11021838
  
  * WORDPLAY: Princess Leia features in
  baffling puzzle (The Silent Channel)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11022602

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
 http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/chicken


  >> New challenge: Soviet Propaganda UK <<
  Comrades! This week's Proletariat 
  challenge is to take Soviet propaganda 
  posters and update them to reflect life 
  in modern Britain. Fight the Bourgeoisie! 
  With revolution! And Photoshop!
 http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/soviet-uk/

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 : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories

  * EDINBURGH SHOW - "A while ago, you linked to
  my Twitter account," writes @HarryMyCatDied.
  "Well, I ended up doing an sell-out Edinburgh
  Fringe show out of it, and am now touring the
  UK with it. I do hope you can all come see the
  shit out of it!"
 http://wegottickets.com/HarryMyCatDied


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 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * LEGS MADE OF TITANIUM - so they don't start
  aching at inconvenient times.

  * AN AWARD that you could win, and love, but
  still allow you to retain your outsider
  credibility

  * A MATERIAL POSSESSION that could bring true
  happiness for more than a fleeting instant,
  before leaving you hollower than before.


  Send contributions via the mail form.
 http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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    Sub:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Snub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by sinisterduck,
  Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, Dawn Of The Bread,
  and happy Weds b3taday barryheadwound.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Top tip via @peachesanscream.
  
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 : TOP TIP:

  When you have to introduce two cats, put
  vanilla essence under their chins and on the
  back of their tails. That way, they think they
  both smell the same and don't fight.

  Bonus: Both cats taste of delicious vanilla.

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