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NEWSLETTER: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROD STEWART!

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This Week:
* FIT - Davina McCall in 15 mins 
* CRUNK - Sung by robot bears
* CELEBS - Guy Photoshops himself with stars

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shouting the word     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  'donkey' in a stupid
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|      voice. Sorry"

B3ta email 614  - 10 Jan 2014

Read this issue whilst stamping on hamsters:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue614

   Thankers :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Wankers : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Haribo Sugar Free Gummi Bears

  Some pretty funny reviews here because erů they
  make you shit yourself.

  'Oh man... words cannot express what happened to
  me after eating these. The Gummi Bear 'Cleanse'.
  If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar
  substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of
  people that tried my order, RUN!''
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000EVQWKC/b3ta-20


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than wanking on socks

  >> Huge alien & robot destruction animation  <<
  Bendaure writes, "I've been locked away (on and
  off) for 2 years making this new video, it has
  aliens, robots and steam-punk bugs all
  enthralled in a massive war. It's taken more
  work than i could ever begin to imagine and i
  hope very much that you enjoy it."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1119709/


  >> Davina McCall Fit In 15 Remix <<
  Woahbot writes, "If you're going to buy a
  fitness DVD this year, I can thoroughly
  recommend Davina McCall's Fit In 15 just for
  that bloke's lovely legs! But if you can't be
  arsed to even think about exercise, then this
  remix of her best bits will do! Enjoy her
  mong face."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1120018/


  >> Politilols <<
  Timoncheese writes, "Take popular songs and
  crudely insert UK politicians' names And you get
  this."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1120199/


  >> The Foul-o-Matic: Instant swear generator <<
  C_kick writes, "I just reworked a generator I
  first built in 2008. As the site was still
  attracting lots of visitors, I thought it fit to
  give it a complete overhaul. Hope you enjoy it,
  you throbbing poop worms!"
http://foulomatic.hnldesign.nl/


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: USVSTH3M
  Quizzes & more from the other B3taish project

  * How long would you survive after the
  Apocalypse? The world has ended. Good luck.
http://goo.gl/GYg2Dn


  * What's Your Mental Age? - Are you young at
  heart or wise beyond your years?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/whats-your-mental-age/


  * The Movie Code Quiz - Fancy programming from a
  movie, but what does it really do?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/movie-code-quiz/


  * What your Facebook picture really says
 about YOU. And how many of these 28 Facebook
 types can you spot in your Friends List?
http://usvsth3m.com/post/72864448083/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  I spied on someone
  
  Last week we asked if you just liked to watch:
http://b3ta.com/questions/ispywithmylittleeye/

  * "My first flat in London was a tiny shithole
   rooftop apartment at the top of long set of
   stairs that were in perpetual darkness. Its
   one redeeming feature was a small balcony. I
   noticed one of my flatmates had taken to
   having his bowl of cereal standing out on
   it each morning. This went on for weeks.
   
   "One day I decided to join him. Apart from the
   ubiquitous noisy pigeon sex, the other thing
   of note was a woman in the apartment opposite
   undressing in the bathroom. With the window
   open. For the next few months I had my
   weetabix standing next to him on the balcony.
   Fuck I love pigeons."
(cumquat ma)

  
  * "A friend of mine had a flatmate/landlord who
  was a bit paranoid. One day he came back to find
  cameras in the flat, one in the lobby and one
  outside the flat door. All a bit Howard Hughes.

  "So, when the landlord was out working, he
  climbed out of his window, inched his way
  across the balcony into the other bedroom (the
  door always being locked, of course). There he
  saw that the cameras were hooked up to a
  computer, recording all day. So he called up a
  few of us. Then he sat at computer and paused
  the recording whilst we got into position in
  the lobby.
  
  "He re-started recording for a few seconds
  while we danced like total spazzes, paused it,
  recorded it with no-one there, paused it so we
  could appear out of nowhere doing more spazz
  dancing... and repeat, and repeat. For about
  half an hour. Next day he was asked to move
  out. Not a word was said about the videos."
(Dr. Chinaman)

  
  * "When number 1 daughter was a mere baby, a girl
   from Brazil came to stay with us - free board
   and lodging in return for light babysitting
   duties. We'd accidentally gained an Au Pair! 

   "Now, being new parents, we were terrified of
   Bad Stuff happening to the sprog, and so
   considered using a Nanny Cam. I was discussing
   this with a colleague at work, explaining the
   problem I was having deciding where to put the
   camera to check on the Au Pair. 'Just under
   the rim works best,' he said, without
   thinking..."
(moon monkey)


  >> This Week - THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY <<
  Tell us your stories of things rapidly getting
  out of control. Or your lamest escalator jokes:
http://b3ta.com/questions/thatescalatedquickly/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * Absurd animated portraits
http://romainlaurent.tumblr.com/

  * Guy Photoshops himself with celebs 
http://m.imgur.com/a/EUB5m?gallery

  * A bad day is "losing" your plane at mach 3.18
http://www.barthworks.com/aviation/sr71breakup.htm

  * Worst flat ever
http://goo.gl/Go0Ii6


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> Animatronic bears sing crunk <<
  It seems a chap bought an animatronic band from
  a pizza restaurant and programmed it to perform
  Pop Lock and Drop it. The results are more than
  slightly unnerving.
http://goo.gl/c0m50h


  >> Dolphin exam cheating simulator <<
  Hooray! Games for the Oculus Rift - and the
  only cetacean school skiving simulator you'll
  ever need.
http://youtu.be/GidFsoVK8I0 


  >> Elderly thesps re-enact YouTube comments #5 <<
  Nelson Mandela is dead. This is a tour de force
  of richly-voiced trolling - their best episode
  yet. The next best thing to Game of Thrones
  being back.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1120685/


  >> Alternatives to guide dogs <<
  The Norwegian Association for the Blind shows
  how other animals might work at helping people
  with visual impairments. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Could_have_been_worse:2


  >> Man sings 'Wuthering Heights' in original key <<
  You'd think it'd be ridiculous - and it is -
  but he really does make it his own, in a Robert
  Plant Led Zeppelin way. Action starts at 1
  minute, if you're impatient like us.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1121673/


  >> Fried egg rap <<
  Oh yes. Skills.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_8qZBHcD2s


  >> Zzap64/Crash Magazine film <<
  Older nerds (like us) may enjoy this nice
  little documentary about 1980s computer games
  mag publishers Newsfield and the ridiculously
  young team who ran it.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Zzap64_Crash_Magazine_film


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    Lovers:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Shovers:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by sinisterduck,
  rotten eggs, smellysaminparis, Anthropos,
  @brandonnn, @waxpancake, tubaman, Mokum420,
  sinisterduck, intesvensk, simbosan, jamtallons.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.

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  TOP TIP:
  Movie producers. Want the public reaction to
  your upcoming film to be, "Oh god, not another
  one!"? Simply get Vince Vaughn to star in it!
  (NoStrings)

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