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NEWSLETTER: ENRICHED WITH CATS AND CAT-DERIVED PROTEINS

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This Week:
* CURLING - Improved with cats
* RAP - Newsmen do Rapper's Delight
* GAME - Maverick Bird

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "Gherkins? We    
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    don't need no
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     stinking gherkins"

B3ta email 620 - 21 Feb 2014

Jack into this issue's data in Cyberspace: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue620 

   Love us : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Leave us : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Inflatable Unicorn Horn For Cats

  Sample review: "This bad boy is a total
  gamechanger. I stuck one of these on my moggy
  and I could have sworn I was looking at a
  Unicorn. He fooled everyone we met last
  Halloween whilst out knocking on doors
  together."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00BPMMQDG/b3ta-21 

  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Bad Dates, Goats and Grandpa

  >> Bad Date Diary <<
  "I'm Hannah," writes Hannah. "I write and
  doodle about the terrible, awkward dates I've
  been on. Here's the story of a man who sent me
  a list of reasons not to date me:"
http://thewinninglines.com/big-ambitions/


  >> Goats on Wobbly Metal - Translated <<
  Slurpy J return with another redub of this
  week's most popular memery fun.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Goats_on_Wobbly_Metal_Translated


  >> "How I almost killed Grandpa with the internet" <<
  Poor old grandpa. Also, happy birthday @.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1137860/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Your fantasies made real
 
  Last week we asked if you'd ever lived out your
  fantasies. There's lots of "roses are red" poems
  because people got bored:
http://b3ta.com/questions/fantasies/

  * ROCK - "One day when I was about 6 or 7 in
  the school playground I decided I wanted to
  slide on my knees to a standstill like a rock
  star sliding to the front of the stage,
  imagining all the fans screaming my name as I
  threw my arms up in triumph. Sadly, due to a
  combination of soft grey cotton trousers and a
  hard concrete surface, this resulted in giant
  rips across my knees and bloodied kneecaps. The
  stupid thing is, there wasn't anyone around to
  see me - I'd waited 'til I was alone to try it.
  Not only does this show a shyness not becoming
  of the rock star lifestyle, but I also had to
  explain to friends, teachers and family how
  this normally quiet boy got two large rips on
  his trousers and wounds on his knees. Still,
  there's nothing quite like picking away at
  scabby kneecaps."
(The Silent Channel)
 
  * COCK - "I acted mine out in miniature by
  tying a ping pong ball to my bell end with a
  length of cotton and dressing both hands up in
  doll's clothes, then with the aid of two tiny
  tennis rackets attempted a game of Erection
  Swingball."
(84237)

  * SPANG - "I've always dreamt of having a cock
  as long as a 2-litre bottle of fizzy orange,
  and just as wide... Fanta sized, actually."
(localboy)


  >> This Week - BLACK SHEEP PT2 <<
  We need more stories of your family black sheep:
http://b3ta.com/questions/blacksheep2/


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: USVSTH3M

  * 14 things to say to someone from Wolverhampton
  to make them spit out their hot pork sandwich in
  irritation
http://usvsth3m.com/post/77072924900/


  * How Middle-Class Are You? Our 100%
  scientifically accurate test will find out how
  middle-class you are, and then tell you which
  British sitcom character you're like.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-middle-class-are-you/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Shit Prequels Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to invent rubbish
  prequels to classic movies.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * PYTHON: serpents bicker over priority 
  boarding queue (The Twisted Omentum)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11058032
 
  * KENT: the true story behind Superman's
  malodorous arrival on Earth (ferret)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11057229
  
  * POLICE: dunno about you, but I'd buy 
  that for, ooh, 50 cents (Afinkawan)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11057046
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/shit-prequels/


  >> New challenge: Technology & Cakes <<
  This week's challenge is to picture and 
  celebrate cakes in technology. That's 
  cakes. And technology. Together forever 
  (suggested by mictoboy)
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/technology-cakes/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Hotmalm Porn Marketing <<
  It's... an IKEA ad? It's safe for work, but
  what a weird thing. *What* a thing!
http://www.hotmalm.com/home/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> Curling. With cats. <<
  The Olympic sport of curling - already so
  awesome our entire office watched it this
  afternoon on a big screen - vastly improved
  with added cats.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Curling_With_cats


  >> NBC main newscaster does "Rapper's Delight" <<
  Lovely bit of editing from the Jimmy Fallon
  Tonight Show team. Genuinely delightful. You
  should watch it twice.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1140431/


  >> Stubborn kitten attack <<
  Glowing eyed cat-baby, good-natured human and
  old timey cartoon music that fits the action to
  a tee.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Stubborn_hunter_kitten


  >> What keeps a train on its tracks? <<
  Richard Feynman explains why you are probably
  wrong. Fascinating stuff!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1139383/


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Severine Nackers

  "I know you hate funny name corner," blurts
  spassky. "We all hate funny name corner.
  But..." Yes, yes. That's how funny name corner
  gets you. There's always one excuse.
http://goo.gl/DS3Xeq


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: FRIDAY GAME

  >> Maverick Bird <<
  Flappy Bird as recreated by the developer of
  Super Hexagon. Every single bit as maddeningly
  hard as the original, but with slightly
  different controls.
http://terrycavanaghgames.com/maverickbird/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include:

  * MAKE A VIDEO FOR THIS: "My friend phenola
  made a cool thing," writes tetley. "Auto-tune
  is pretty old-hat these days, but this is very
  cynical and catchy as hell."
https://soundcloud.com/phenola/ive-got-auto-tune
  
  * NEW SHOES that don't fill us with anxiety and
  loathing for the very concept of footwear.
  
  * A LUNCH-TIME FOOD MARKET that isn't just an
  hour of queuing and then regret-filled stuffing
  your face with a greasy burger while sprinting
  back to the office.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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   Airbender: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
 Fire Nation: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Varmint,
  tubaman, rotten eggs, colmcq2,
  DestructoLettuce, FoxA.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Top Tip via Munsta.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Modern toilets use between 5 and 9 litres per
  flush. By pissing in the sink, we could
  collectively save in excess of 300,000,000
  litres of water a day in the UK alone!

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