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NEWSLETTER: SCRATCH 'N' SNIFF EDITION

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This Week:
* GOATS - Amazing game trailer
* GRAPHS - What's good on TV?
* CLASS - your top tales of posh privilege

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B3ta email 625 - 28 Mar 2014

Read this newsletter on the Inter-net 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue625 

   Sub :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Snub : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Cilla Black iPad cover
  
  Jesus wept the shit that's on Amazon. Jesus
  fucking wept.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007R4LKJW/b3ta-21   

  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Hang the Rich, Penguins and Gayness

  >> Now you can string up Gidiot and Dave! <<
  The dangly bit fallen off your bathroom light
  switch? Replace them with a little effigy of a
  Tory overlords, why not? "At long chuffing
  last," grins creator Harry Webshiter
https://www.etsy.com/shop/HungParliament


  >> Penguin vs String - Translation <<
  We've all seen the funny vid where penguins
  can't jump over a bit of string string - Slurpy
  J has a translation of what's *really* going
  on. "All hail Richard!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Penguin_vs_String_Translation


  >> Keith Jarrett: 'Gay Poem'. <<
  "Here's a video what I made with very talented
  poet Keith Jarrett," explains
  richardtyronejones. "A straight-acting poet
  writes a poem that turns out much camper than
  he expected - at first he's unhappy with his
  creation and how it jars with aspects of his
  Caribbean culture but comes to terms with it,
  as the film becomes increasingly more pink..."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Keith_Jarrett_Gay_Poem


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: LOOK! - IT'S QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Class
  
  Hello. Remember us? We're terribly posh:
http://b3ta.com/questions/class/

  * LAND - "A friend at the Inland Revenue was
   enjoying a drink in Kensington public house
   with colleagues from a wide variety of social
   backgrounds. They were discussing films, in
   particular Nil By Mouth. One of the workers
   said that they'd enjoyed the film but mainly
   because it was shot on location on his estate.
   At which point a young, nice, dim, old money
   with title says, "Oh, how marvellous! How many
   acres?"
(d.r._and_quinch)
  
  * FAKE - "One of my friends is terribly posh.
   Let's call her Clarabelle. I bought a new winter
   coat, which was rather nice, but had some fake
   fur on it. 'Belle looked at it and her patrician
   nose wrinkled up even further. Then she said,
   "It's not that you don't look lovely, darling. 
   It's just that - I'm morally opposed to fur
   that isn't real."
(rachelswipe)

  * RIS - "Putting my pound into the trolley at
   Morrisons when I saw two women with a three year
   oldish girl between them. An idyllic scene until
   one of the lardees says to the girl, "Say,
   'Auntie Jean is a fucking slag,' go on, say it."
   Followed by the poor child having a go at the
   Auntie Jean-based abuse. I tutted until I felt
   dizzy."
(Helikaon)


  >> This Week - PETTY OFFICIALS <<
  Bob de Bilde says: A traffic warden threatened
  to call the police and have me arrested because
  "It's illegal to take photos in the street. You
  might be a paedophile". I was taking a picture
  of a funny street sign, over which I had no
  plans to masturbate. Tell us about petty
  officials talking bollocks:
http://b3ta.com/questions/pettyofficials/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> The awesome illustration of Robin Davey <<
  Deceptively simple, beautifully colourful and
  subtly animated - this is lovely stuff.
http://robindavey.co.uk/


  >> TV programmes' rise and fall <<
  Has Mad Men got better over time? How about
  more popular? What about Game of Thrones? These
  graphs explain all.
http://graphtv.kevinformatics.com/


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: USVSTH3M
  Things we've made and hope you like

  * BRIAN'S BRAIN presents WROD - one simple
  question: are these words spelled correctly?
  Oh, and there's a time limit.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/wrod/


  * HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME? Make your own quiz
  and see if your friends really *do* know you as
  well as you think.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-well-do-you-know/


  * CYBERBULLIED BY LOUISE MENSCH. "It happened
  to me!" explains social media bellend Ed
  Jefferson.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/80972333347/it-happened-to-me-ex-mp-louise-mensch-cyberbullied-me


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> The only ad you'll ever need <<
  The world's most generic ad neatly spears the
  most egregious cliches of today's tech TV spots.
http://mashable.com/2014/03/25/generic-brand-ad/


  >> Dark, smalltown animated comedy <<
  Nasty little animated LOLs - and a pilot for a
  potentially longer series.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mr_Pickles_Pilot


  >> Official Trailer for Goat Simulator <<
  Sure, you might think Goat Simulator is a
  one-joke game but this official trailer is
  unexpectedly... moving?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Official_Trailer_for_Goat_Simulator


  >> Armando Iannuccis' corporate joke presentation <<
  The legendary funnyman talks you through a
  typical corporate gig.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Armando_Iannuccis_corporate_joke_presentation


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Heavy Metal Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to rock us like 
  a hurricane 

  Your favourites included:
 
  * KRANKIE: freakish Scots duo swap boards 
    for rock damnation (benito vaselini)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11067651
 
  * KITTIE: long-haired metal dude rocks
  splendid cat head (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11067386
  
  * KRAZY: Midlands rock goliath meets 
  enigmatic renaissance lady (Q4nobody)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11068296
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/heavy-metal/


  >> New challenge: FIRE! <<
  One-word challenge: Fire! This week's 
  task is to celebrate the world of 
  conflagration and combustion, from the 
  Great Fire to forest fires to fire 
  breathing. Fire!
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fire/


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by sinisterduck,
  Jimbotfu, Ol' Ginger Bastard, augsav, jamtallons.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Top tip via boarders.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Paying too much for your electricity? Wire all
  your appliances back to front, that way the
  stupid electricity company will have to pay you.
  Yay!

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