we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: HAPPY BIRTHDAY WORLD TRADE CENTER

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* TV THEMES - Played live
* YOUR THEME - Of your life
* 2001 - Behind the scenes

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   "Beans"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta email 626 - 4 Apr 2014

Eat this newsletter with fava beans: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue626 

   Up : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Not up : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  "Russ Abbot - Tea Towel 100% Cotton"
  
  "I love it!!!!! For years Ive searched for the
  perfect item to compliment my Les Dennis
  ovengloves and Dustin Gee kitchen roll holder
  and now Ive found this!!!! Im in light
  entertainment heaven :-D"
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007M8L23W/b3ta-21 

  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK

  >> TV themes are actually played live <<
  "You know them TV tunes off the telly," burbles
  an excited ScintillateRich. "Turns out they are
  played live!" This is lovely stuff -
  particularly like the mounting tension as the
  time approaches.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1157363


  >> Piers Morgan says goodbye to America with a bang <<
  "I think it's a bit of an unsuccessful
  martyrdom," opines smearballs. "But the NRA
  will be happy he's gone."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1158059


  >> Using a leek as a stylus <<
  "My trip to Asda is always improved by doing
  this," offers stevierar. Has us wondering if
  it's possible to operate a smartphone with a
  spring onion.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1157693


  >> Good jobs for flashers <<
  "I've been messing around making gifs,"
  scribbles feelwelcome, who has been coming up
  with ways to rehabilitate flashers. Job idea
  #1, airport greeter.
http://goodjobsforflashers.tumblr.com/


-------------------------------------------------

: USVSTH3M STUFF

  * Whatís The Theme Tune Of Your Life? - Itís
  the song that was #1 on your 14th birthday.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/the-theme-tune-of-your-life/


  * How Fast Is Your Brain? - Can you answer the
  comprehension questions correctly as youíre
  forced to read faster & faster?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-fast-is-your-brain/


  * Brianís Brain presents WROD - Are these words
  spelled correctly? The pressure is on!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/wrod/


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Petty Officials
  
  Last week we asked about your encounters with
  idiotic officialdom. UK police wanting to stop
  someone for not buying anything top the replies:
http://b3ta.com/questions/pettyofficials/

  Here are three more international idiots:

  * AMERICA - "5am call from our London office:
   'We have a dangerously ill crew member on a
   ship 150 miles offshore from you. Get him ashore
   and into a hospital!' Not a normal part of my
   job, but after a few phone calls the crew member
   was flown directly to the roof of a hospital.
   Where he was declared dead.
   
   Since he was dying, the man had neglected to
   bring his passport - a reckless oversight as
   US Immigration determined that, since he was
   declared dead after landing, he must have
   entered the US alive and would have to have
   his passport stamped before the body could be
   released. His passport was on its way to North
   Africa. Even though we got the diplomats
   involved, Immigration would not budge. It took
   three weeks to get it to Immigration and
   release his body."
(LangdaleBeck)


  * FRANCE - "A friend organised a 'clean up our
   parks' initiative to round up a bunch of people
   and spend the afternoon putting all the rubbish
   they found in bags and disposing of it safely.
   She contacted the local town hall who informed
   her that she'd need a permit for more than 20
   people. A permit cost money, needless to say.
   
   "She'd also need her own insurance in case she
   or any of her friends damaged the site; her
   gut reaction was, 'We're going to pick up
   rubbish; what the fuck are we supposed to be
   damaging? Are you afraid we'll step on a blade
   of grass and condemn it to a slow and painful
   death?' In the end, the town hall staff
   dragged their feet so much in giving her the
   permit that she had to push back the date of
   the event by a fortnight, after applying four
   months in advance."
(Ghettoblaster Yetin)


  * AUSTRALIA - "My neighbour moved from Belgium
   to Australia. He had played football for his
   town in Belgium: when he got to Australia he
   also wanted to play for his local club there.
   Before they allowed him to play he had to get
   a document from Belgium to prove that he had
   not played at an international level, had
   received no pay for playing, and therefore was
   not a threat to the Aussie football world.

   "This document had to be translated by an
   official translator and delivered to the
   Aussie Football Association. All of this took
   several months. My neighbour was 8 years old."
(Smale)


  >> This Week - BIGGEST OPPORTUNITY I'VE BLOWN <<
  Tell us about your big break, and how you messed
  it up. Or make a sex-thing joke:
http://b3ta.com/questions/blownopportunities/


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Behind the scenes of 2001: A Space Odyssey <<
  Fascinating glimpse of Stanley Kubrick at work.
  "I still think they should have gone with the
  working title '2001: Leonard Rossiter In
  Space'" opines b3tan jonofthesouth.
http://imgur.com/a/DzXMR#0


  >> Celebrities That Look Like Mattresses <<
  First put together by someone calling
  themselves the Walthamstow Tourist Board, this
  is a lovely bit of work. Much, much better done
  than it really had to be.  
http://imgur.com/a/wFiGa?gallery#vNQ3btR


  >> Those TFL etiquette posters made more honest <<
  Directly calling someone a twat is far more
  effective than whimsical poetry.
http://goo.gl/HLGcSD


  >> How many are left of your first car? <<
  Put in your first car (or any you like really)
  and see how many are still going. "I'm a
  slightly older b3tan than most," confesses
  Blackdogmanguitar, "So my first car was a MK5
  Cortina 2.0 GL. Apparently there are still 143
  on the road."
http://www.howmanyleft.co.uk/


-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> GRAVITY - Alternate scene <<
  This slightly different early scene would 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/GRAVITY_Alternate_scene


  >> The Wolf Of Buzzfeed <<
  15 Reasons You'll Never Believe What This Video
  Is Saying About Buzzfeed! Very nicely done Wolf
  of Wall Street parody.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Wolf_Of_Buzzfeed


  >> Bucket loads of cunt! <<
  Weather forecaster predicts "bucketloads of
  cunt". Our best guess: a co-worker was mouthing
  the word at him as he struggled with the
  autoqueue.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bucket_loads_of_cunt:2


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * Chinese pancakes sold separately from a duck.
  You just can't get 'em.
  
  * Baby dolphins - they are the new kittens,
  only without any paws or fur.
  
  * A lovely sunset, full of Sahara sand.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

    Yey:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Nay:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by CH88,
  and UltimateMonkey.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.

  
-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  How to find your mum's DJ name: 
  1. Take your mum's maiden name
  2. Add the initials DJ to the beginning.

next issue »
« previous issue