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NEWSLETTER: WHY NOT KILL SOMEONE WITH A TOBLERONE? THE PERFECT CRIME!

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This Week:
* TERRY WOGAN - versus GODZILLA
* EUROSONG - Make your own
* ACCURATE DAILY MAIL - headlines fixed

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're saving     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     the web...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       together???"

B3ta email 629 - 9 May 2013

Eat this newsletter with some fava beans: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue629 

   Subs : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Nubs : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Wogan, Clarkson and urban food

  >> Terry Wogan vs GODZILLA <<
  "After a two year hiatus," cries Butters, and
  fresh for Eurovision, "B3ta's favourite cartoon
  porn superstar returns!" NSFW / Very NSFW
  depending on your workplace.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Terry_Wogan_vs_GODZILLA


  >> "I Hear you're a racist now Clarkson" <<
  "Video I did," winks quietly proud B3tan
  maiden. He's just misunderstood! 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Hear_youre_a_racist_now_Clarkson


  >> Urban foraging food odyssey <<
  "This is a deranged, unhinged rant against
  budget food blogger Jack Munroe," confesses
  quietly ashamed B3tan colmcq2. "She writes
  about food and goes busking with billy bragg
  and I'M NOT ANGRY OR JEALOUS."
http://myfoodeeblog.com/2014/05/07/cooking-with-jack-munroe/


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: USVSTH3M
  Stuff! We made it!

  * Eurosong Generator! - Pick your performers,
  song and costumes to create your own entry!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/eurosong/


  * What Ridiculous Food Day Is Your Birthday -
  Which ludicrous food represents your life?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/what-ridiculous-food-day-is-your-birthday/


  * The Hobbit Sequel Name Generator - Can you do
  a better job than Peter Jackson?
http://goo.gl/2nHXMK


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Brits Abroad
  
  For both sides of the 'Brits overseas' experience,
  go read Wet-chinned bag shanker's tale of Cretan
  love, drinking and big, stiff rocks:
http://b3ta.com/questions/britsabroad/

  * PUB - "My first trip to Amsterdam. Having
  procured weed, we didn't want to sit in the
  silly stoners' cafe, but instead fancied a beer
  in a proper pub. We found a nice little bar and
  I went to get the round and ask if we could
  smoke in there. 
  
  "'Depends,'" said the large barman, very cooly,
  rather stern. 

  "'Er... hash?' I enquired.
   
  "'Yeah yeah,' he said levelly, 'Depends - where
  are you from?'

  "'Er... England...?' I said, slightly confused,
  'London?'

  "'London!" he suddenly beamed. The tension was
  completely gone, replaced instead almost by low
  camp, "Of COURSE you can smoke here! You want
  some munchies? I'm so sorry - I thought you
  were from Liverpool!'"
(Just a vagabond)
 
 
  * RAIN - "On the way back from Spain there was
  a couple who had quite clearly had a massive
  argument in the airport and when we were seated
  on the plane they were right behind us.

  "I could hear her huffing  and puffing for the
  short flight, but they didn't speak to each
  other for almost the whole journey, until he
  (trying to break the ice as we landed) said
  'Oh, look, rain drops on the window, must be
  raining in Bristol.'

  "To which she screamed at the top of her lungs
  'OH REALLY? WELL, THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT
  TO ME, BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS SPERM!'"
(bomb)
  

  * TEA - "Technically not 'abroad', technically
  'the Lake District' but if you're a total rah
  who thinks anything outside Zone 1 is roughing
  it, you might as well be abroad. One summer
  when I was a child, we went for a long weekend
  in the lakes.
   
  "We were minding our own business in a teashop
  when this terribly posh woman wandered in. 'Ay
  say,' she said to the girl behind the counter,
  "Do you do cream teas?'

  "The girl blinked a bit, 'No,' she said after
  some careful thought, 'Only milk.'

  "The posh woman blinked back at her. It was
  hard to say which of them had puzzled the other
  more. 'Righty-ho,' she said faintly, and
  swished back out again."
(rachelswipe)


  >> This Week - UFOs <<
  Ever seen a UFO? Convinced of life on other
  planets? Are you David Icke? Go into really
  graphic details about anal probes here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/ufos/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Accurate headlines for non-news stories <<
  This is the Daily Mail rewritten to be upfront
about its celebrity news content.
https://imgur.com/a/r12nF


  >> Most excellent ad on Craiglist <<
  Looking for a band to play at a wedding? This
  guy may be all the bassist you'll need.
http://www.tickld.com/funny/t/797695


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> CatCam shows what cats really get up to <<
  Wonder what your cat does when you're not
  around? All our darkest suspicions have been
  confirmed.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/CaC:25


  >> Hong Kong neon wonderland <<
  Designers wax lyrical on the beautifully-lit
  nightscape of Hong Kong.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Nice_little_video_on_neon_in_Hong_Kong


  >> French cat walks into door <<
  Le thud!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Le_thud


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Hidden Horrors challenge

  Last week we wanted you to show us the
  monsters that exist all around us. Your
  favourites included:
 
 * NIGHTMAREMITE: Never smear the thick 
 black stuff on your toast again (ferret)
 http://b3ta.com/board/11076360


  * ESCARELATOR: Centipedal power harnessed
  by London Underground (HappyToast)
 http://b3ta.com/board/11075763

  
  * FEARRAGE: The truth behind Clarkson
 is worse than you imagined (Snappyuk)
 http://b3ta.com/board/11076037


  All these images, and the most horrifying as
  voted by you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/hiddenhorror/


  >> New challenge: First versions <<
  This week's image challenge is to show us
  the early prototypes of everyday objects.
  Scissors, toasters and rotary clothes dryers
  that never made it off the drawing board.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/First-versions/


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Fork,
  Jimbuktu, buffet_the_appetite_slayer,
  Ghoti Fingers. Image challenge by Chris.
  Alistair Coleman is QOTW bloke.

 
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  TOP TIP:
  Make people think you have a limp by pretending
  to have a limp.

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