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NEWSLETTER: TERRY PRATCHETT RIP. SO LONG AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH :(

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This Week:
* EUROVISION - meets waffles
* QUESTION OF THE WEEK - it's back!
* EXPLOSIONS - 'Unnecessary' explosions!

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're saving the web   
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  (in the cloud & giving
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  it to the NSA #satire)" 

B3ta email 655, a spooky Friday the 13th March '15

Read this pretending MySpace is coming back:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue655 

   Kiss us : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Miss us : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: WATCHING THIS ZOOM WILL MAKE YOU BUY A CAMERA
  Er... like /we've/ just done on a whim
  
  So watch this amazing pan back zoom,
  extraordinary yes?
https://gfycat.com/OblongFavoriteGiraffe

  It was made on a £200 camera without any special
  equipment. We mentioned this last week and got
  one and yep, it's fucking awesome. We can
  literally photograph One Canada Square from the
  top of Hampstead Heath. 
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00E0YFOKI/b3ta-21 


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Songs, jokes, projects & art! Yay!

  * EUROVISION WAFFLES MASH-UP - BrotherTrousers
  has glued an old advert to the UK Eurovision
  entry to amusing effect. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Eurovision_Waffles_Mashup


  * DANCING ON ICE - wait for it... wait for it...
  yep, there's a joke. (Thanks SketchPhile)
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dancing_on_ICE:2


  * AUTOMATING YOUR LEGO TRAINS WITH ARDUINO - a
  little project idea for you here, from
  Grrrmachine.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Automating_your_Lego_trains_with_Arduino


  * TAX DISC ART - simon writes, "Now that I've
  become a dull-time dad, I wondered if I could
  share my unique tax disc art in the hope I get
  some more bespoke orders."
http://podcastrevision.org


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: B3TAN WRITES A BOOK
  About a bloke fucking a toaster

  Mike Woz Ere writes, "I've wrote a story that
  people are calling 'the bible of our times.'
  It's about a guy who fucks his toaster."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00TMVO2GG/b3ta-21

  FYI: We haven't read this, we're not
  recommending it, but we ARE recommending you
  look at the cover.


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: THE RETURN OF THE QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  From the icy colds of laziness

  Occasional B3tan 'Telly' asked us the other day,
  "what happened to the Question of the Week' and
  we felt a bit guilty. Essentially we've been busy
  and let it slip. So in a burst of enthusiasm
  we recruited a few new mods and are bringing
  it back. But this will only work with your help.

  If you want the Question of the Week to be good
  then you've got to join in. It's up to you!

  
  >> This week:   Housemates From Hell III <<
  McChinaman writes, "I once had a flatmate who
  was so lazy he had a fungus growing in a cup in
  his bedroom - it was white and whispy so he
  nicknamed it "Albert". Tell us your tale of
  living with the disturbed, the odd, the fragile
  and the downright filthy."
  
  Contribute NOW:
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/housematesIII/


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: NEW ICONS
  Yep, pixels for your messageboard profiles

  You asked for new icons and you've GOT them -
  Forklift by Bloop, Kim Jong-un by Monkeon,
  Shamrock & Skull by Q4nobody. If you'd like them
  on your account then donate now.
http://b3ta.com/features/appeal/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * LUKE HAINES RAGS ON NOEL GALLAGHER - Genius,
  "Wonderwall is so dad-rock that Fathers for
  Justice should use it as an anthem." It's a
  brit-pop war!
http://goo.gl/vASNXL


  * "I GHOSTWROTE JULIAN ASSANGE'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY"
  A long, compelling, fascinating portrait of a
  flawed man. If you've got Pocket or some reader
  like that, pop it on that, as it'll take an
  hour or two.
http://www.lrb.co.uk/v36/n05/andrew-ohagan/ghosting


  * WHEN ROCK 'N' ROLL LOOMED LARGE OVER THE
  SUNSET STRIP - a forgotten artform that we
  barely knew about - gone.
http://goo.gl/q2HNwL


  * KINDLE COVER DISASTERS - just because you CAN
  self-publish doesn't mean you SHOULD.  
http://kindlecoverdisasters.tumblr.com/


  * UNNECESSARY EXPLOSIONS - quite why we've never
  done this as an image challenge is because we're
  idiots.
http://imgur.com/gallery/DyT20


  * CHUCK JONES' RULES FOR WRITING ROAD RUNNER
  CARTOONS - this style guide is ALL style.
http://goo.gl/CdLJwB


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Photos that move with audio accompaniment 

  * FATHER HEARING SILENCE FOR THE FIRST TIME -
  hey we're all old bastards reading this yeah?
  You'll understand. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1282955


  * EARLY CGI ON TOMORROW'S WORLD - fascinating
  and reminds us we should go on a Tomorrow's
  World binge on the BBC Archive, once the kids
  are in bed tonight.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Early_CGI_Tomorrows_World


  * GORDON RAMSEY'S CRISPY PANCAKES - some neat
  editing makes this the funniest thing you'll
  watch on YouTube today.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Gordon_Ramsays_Crispy_Pancakes


  * INTERVIEW WITH APPLE'S TOP ENGINEERS -
  gripping behind-the-scenes footages of people
  who've worked with Ive and Cook. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/interview_with_one_of_the_Apple_engineers


  * HOW TO CONVERT A DOG INTO A POLICE DOG - with
  this one simple trick that the cops don't want
  you to know.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1284864


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Loads of this fucking shit this week
  
  * B.J. HARDICK - he's a chiropractor and deals
  with er... bones. (Thanks clivepenfold)
http://www.hardickchiropractic.com/index.php/about-us/our-team.html


  * UPDATED LIST OF REAL PEOPLE WITH FUNNY NAMES
  OF LINKEDIN - thanks to mikeyb77 for this
  frankly amazing research. 
  
  Jayant Shitole
  Tamara Wanker
  Ufuk Tuna
  Fanny De Cock
  Gaye Kunt
  Long Wang
  Garth Brownsword
  Wide Flange
  Truman Hardon


  * AND FINALLY ONE WE'LL MAKE YOU CLICK
  THROUGH FOR - thanks to T-Bag for this.
http://www.nuffieldhealth.com/consultants/busch-c


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: FEATURING THE RETURN OF THE PHALLIC LOGO AWARDS!
  Special digital government edition 
  
  MysteriousFinger writes, "I spotted a phallic
  logo you might like to feature." You are not
  wrong.
http://goo.gl/J6lxCh


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Combine classic art' challenge

  Last week we raided the art galleries and mashed
  up the Old Masters.
 
  Your favourites included:

  * Odd Job: Magritte’s hidden love of Bond .
  (just Dubya not so rubbery)
http://b3ta.com/board/11138584

  * Last Supper: Rowdy crowd at Hopper’s Diner
  (VicBrown)
http://b3ta.com/board/11138397
 
  * Poke: God checks out his creation. (Ya What?)
http://b3ta.com/board/11138375
  
  All these images, and a load more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/combineoldart/


  >> New challenge: Cats in Film <<
  We're doing cats in films this week. Recast
  classic movies with our feline friends and
  rewrite award-winning screenplays from a cat's
  perspective. Bonus points for filming your own
  cat and winning an Oscar..
http://b3ta.com/challenge/catfilms/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * WE GOT AN ANGRY EMAIL ABOUT DRUM MACHINES -
  Rodney writes, "your bit on the drum machine
  you punted for was a piece of shit. Truthfully
  it wasn't the bit but the existence of those
  fucking machines that pisses me off.

  "There is no fucking machine ever built that
  can reproduce the sounds a live drummer makes
  and that is for starters. If you think a bit
  you'll come up with a gazillion other reasons
  why they should be banned & sold only in Moscow
  or Iraq."

  Er... drum machines were invented in 1959, so
  we suspect that ship has sailed.


  * B3TA GETS MENTIONED IN A BOOK - Charles Seife
  writes, "I've been reading b3ta on and off since
  the late 90s... since before Rickrolling
  replaced goatse-ing, and before badgers were
  associated in any way with mushrooms.

  "I'm writing because I've got a book out this
  week that makes a mention or two of b3ta in it,
  and the b3tards might be interested. You can
  check it out here:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0670026085/b3ta-21 


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     Hello: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Unhello: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard:
https://twitter.com/b3ta
  
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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by artifus,
  robneymcplum, HappyToast, Dawn Of The Bread,
  Mehitabel_Itrang, fred zeppelin, terror_onion,
  smaggers.
  Subjlolz via HappyToast.
  Image challenge by HappyToast.
  The new three is team QOTW.
  Subjlols via mr-lizard.
  Hello to KKKKkat, who suggested we bring the
  QOTW back. 
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Politics students: Feel like a REAL politician
  whilst at university by claiming for another
  student loan on a second hall of residence.

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