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NEWSLETTER: "CONTAINS OFFICIAL BORIS JOHNSON NOVELTY SWEARING KEYRING"

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"Contains official Boris Johnson novelty swearing keyring"
This Week:
* INTERNET BOLLOCKS - Lots of it
* WEB SHENANIGANS - Yep, that too
* TCP/IP LOLS - We've got them

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_______  ____ __  ___
___/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the bottles
__/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | of Uber piss we find in the
_/____/____/\__/_/ |_| street as cultural relics"

B3ta email 667 - 19th Jun 2015

Read this issue whilst huffing 'hippy crack':
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue667

Friend b3ta on Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  Racing Post Horse Name Generator
 
  Harness powerful science to learn if you're a
  Northumberland Chorizo or a Back Door Merkel 
  Learn your racehorse name and rating.
http://bit.ly/nagname


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than than sexy but sinister soup

  >> I'm A Robot <<
  PI Bennett has taken a short video of a child
  pretending to be a robot and turned it into a 
  tune. Well done.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Im_A_Robot


  >> Subterranean Facebook Blues <<
  Following "Soc.Media Rhapsody" and "Twittering
  Heights", here is another social profile lyrical
  punfest. Thanks Merkinhead, you're spoiling us.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Subterranean_Facebook_Blues


  >> True confession: "I stole a Clanger" <<
  Mushybees writes, "Just a story about the time
  I tried to steal one of The Clangers, in front
  of hundreds of people and Oliver Postgate. I'm
  an idiot."
http://bit.ly/true-life-confession


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: SOCIAL MEDIA HASHTAG CONTENT
  Sorry, we've a Facebook page :(

  * Sing, "Bag for life, bag for reality" - once
    you see this image it'll change how you
    shop forever!
http://bit.ly/try-and-get-this-out-of-your-head


  * 1970s Alan Sugar is basically Matt Berry
http://bit.ly/here-is-a-tv-movie-waiting-to-happen


  * Anyone fancy a Beatles and Jimmy Savile
    caption compo?
http://bit.ly/jimmy-friends-with-beatles


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: LONDON BISH, LONDON BASH, LONDON BOSH
  Unofficial meet on Sat
  
  * From 3pm - 6pm - The Royal Oak on Tabard
  Street (the site of the last London Bash)
  
  * 6pm onwards - The Miller, Snowfields, London
  Bridge/Borough area.
http://www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/25474


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: APOLOGIES FOR MAKING YOU READ THIS JOKE
  It won't happen again

  What's the difference between Van Morrison and a
  Morrisons van?

  One wrote Astral Weeks and the other's an Astra
  with leeks.


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * There's two kinds of people in this world - 
    enjoyable, well observed illustrations.
http://2kindsofpeople.tumblr.com/


  * Liking this Amazon review for a bra top -
    scroll down and find the cat.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00RT1KB98/b3ta-20


  * We got round to listening to the fan-made KLF
    doc. Liked it so much we listened twice. Turn
    up loud.
http://bit.ly/turn-up-the-strobe


  * Keeping it 90s dance - anyone who remembers
    The Orb's Little Fluffy Clouds will find
    the actual interview the vocal came from
    pretty interesting. 
http://bit.ly/what-were-the-skies-like-when-you-were-young 


  * The Jazz Computer is moderately entertaining if
    you like experimental HTML5 art. And we do.
 http://jazz.computer/ 


  * "Oh hello. I won a 6-foot dildo throne. This
    is my story." Amuses us mainly as winning
    this is clearly a problem.  
http://bit.ly/dildo-twat


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like TV but without the dust on the screen

  * 9 million people have listened to this song
    and according to the YouTube comments, most
    of them regret it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8F5YSA1Oz0 


  * So this bloke goes and does an hour long
    lecture to the people at Google, explains
    that women fancy vampires and men like
    transgendered porn. Blimey!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-A8GvUehq4


  * "It works like a normal ukulele but it also
    shoots fire" - Mad Max video fan fiction 
    done right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=6&v=tzfyoSgFGNc 


  * Did you ever use a CGA PC? They were around
    in early 80s. We never saw ours do anything
    like this. Extraordinary. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHXx3orN35Y 


  * This early version of A-ha's Take On Me is
    fascinating. Riff there, verse almost there
    but horrible chorus.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rc6MumuychA


  * Construction workers play whack-a-mole. Amusing.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Construction_Workers


------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'LLamas' challenge

  Last week we took a ride on the one headed
  push-me-pull-you that is the Llama. We also
  stroked an alpaca or two and drew pictures.
 
  * Recall: Get your Llama to Mars.
  (FreshWaterMole)
http://b3ta.com/board/11156105

  * Spiritual Surrealism: Furry, art-faith lols.
  (BrianO'Blivion)
http://b3ta.com/board/11155889

  * Culture Club: so bad its good. (Ninj)
http://b3ta.com/board/11156152
  
  All these images, and a load more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/llamas/

 
  >> New challenge: 25x25 <<
  Manic knitter Smash Monkey has volunteered her
  services. Design a piece of pixel perfection in
  25x25 squares or less and she'll turn it into a
  lovely, cosy blanket.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/25x25/


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Not Getting the Job     

  Last week we asked if you'd ever cheated
  yourself out of a job:
http://b3ta.com/questions/notgettingthejob/    
 
  * FASCIST  "Being a hippy greeny type in my
  youth, I volunteered with the National Trust
  restoring a river bank and clearing bramble from
  an ancient woodland. When a job came up with my
  local National Park Service, my CV and
  application letter hit their desks before the
  ink on the advert had dried! I was so keen
  because it truly was the job of a lifetime.
  Sadly I blew the interview due to nerves. The
  final nail was hammered into my coffin of
  failure when I got confused with my National
  bodies and claimed to have done extensive
  voluntary work with the National Front." (Rev.
  Jayneflakes)
 
  * SPANG  "My bro told me about a job interview
  he had once. It went wrong just as he was
  leaving; shaking his interviewers hand he
  blurted out "Cheers to meet you!", then in a
  confusion of embarrassment at having said
  something so daft, turned on his heel and walked
  face first into a pillar." (eViLegion) 
 
  * OOPS  "In 2001 I had the possibility of
  moving to Australia with my employer's blessing
  (and sponsorship - despite me being over the age
  limit) I was being interviewed in Australia
  house when the question 'Have you ever been in
  prison' came up. 'Is it still compulsory?'
  wasn't the answer they were looking for
  apparently." (Captain Placid)

 
  >> This Week  FUNNY STORIES <<
  Back to basics this week no strict question just
  tell us some funny things that have happened to
  you:
http://b3ta.com/questions/funnystories/


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-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by 
  @maqusan, The Tramp Surveyor and tits.
  Subjlols via HappyToast.
  Tip via browser.

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK! AGAIN! WHY NOT?
  Racing Post Horse Name Generator
 
  Harness powerful science to learn if you're a
  Northumberland Chorizo or a Back Door Merkel 
  Learn your racehorse name and rating.
http://bit.ly/nagname


-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSOR B3TA

  Want this space? Then talk to us. Please do,
  because if we sell an advert it motivates us to
  write a newsletter!
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------
Friend b3ta on Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  Insults! You can hurt someone's feelings by
  taking two negative traits and putting a "Mc"
  between them, to create a pretend name. eg:
  Lazy McThick,
  Nasty McStupid,
  Ugly McBoring.

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