we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 84: "THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO SPECIAL"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* VIDEO - Ouch hurty stuff
* ANIM - Hippo Girl
* PARTY - Come and see

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |       "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       pennies for whores"

B3ta email 84 - 11 Apr 2003

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue84/

        Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
          Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO
  No. Really. Never.

  We're almost lost for words. This home video is
  extreme, violent and hilarious. And uses objects
  you can find in your own home.

  André Fairweather writes -

  "Me and some mates got drunk. Then we did some
  bad stuff to each other. I am the one called
  beast."

  What is it? It's pissed up blokes beating each
  other up for fun. Ace. 
http://makeashorterlink.com/?V18C51C24 (WMV file)


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA PARTY
  The Final Plug

  It's the party tonight. Come. Oh, and it's above
  a Lebanese Restaurant called Tarboush.

  Mmmm Lebanese. So there will be some lamb balls
  downstairs if you get hungry.
http://www.b3ta.com/party/easter.gif


-------------------------------------------------

: HIPPO GIRL
  I love you

  Joel Veitch writes -

  "I've written a song for the special lady
  in my life.

  "I'm not very attractive so I take what I can
  get. Even hippos. You like?"

  Yes we do. It's a great song Joel. It makes
  us laugh. And wank furiously.
http://www.rathergood.com/hippo/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Kittens, Bush & Drugs

  >> Awww. Sleepy Kittens <<
  "Aren't cats cute?", writes Rob Manuel,
  "Especially little, sleepy ones. I've made
  a slide show of my favourites and written
  a song on why they are so useless at getting
  stuff done."
http://b3ta.com/sleepy-kittens/


  >> Bush Speech Writer <<
  Matthew Woodman's Flash toy does what it says
  on the tin: You can arrange phrases to make
  George W Bush say whatever you want. The idea
  has been done before, but this is a really nice
  execution of it.
http://www.actofme.co.uk/bush_speech/bushspeechwriter.html


  >> Pot Or Not <<
  In the great tradition of b3ta either/or
  quizzes, Nathaniel Levan has made a quiz
  to test your drug identification skills:
  can you tell a marijuana leaf from a spider
  plant?
http://www.howardandpeanut.com/potornot/


-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO II
  Sticking fireworks to bikes

  "BMX + Rockets = Mucho fun" writes Gavin Ashton.
  And he's not wrong. Not sure if it makes you
  go any faster but it does look fucking cool.
http://g.f.ashton.users.btopenworld.com/rocketbmx.wmv


-------------------------------------------------

: MORE STUFF B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING
  Arse, Weebl & Floppy

  >> Floppy Disk Spaceships <<
  Remember floppy disks? They were the square
  plastic things that fitted into that mysteriously
  useless slot on your computer. TheTruffleShuffle
  has found a use for them: making scale models
  of famous spacecraft.
http://sdcc15.ucsd.edu/~mrossmas/recycle.html


  >> Drunken Student Arses <<
  Bumheading is the new craze sweeping the
  nation's student halls. But that's no reason to
  hate it. It involves getting your mates drunk
  and sticking your bottom in their faces whilst
  they sleep. This is in no way homosexual. Thanks
  Jyhnln.
http://hometown.aol.co.uk/jyhnln/Bumheads.html


  >> Weebl Goes Shopping <<
  The latest episode of Weebl & Bob has a nice
  tune towards the end. Its creator Jonti
  Picking has been walking about B3ta HQ singing
  it for about 3 days. We haven't killed him. Yet.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/trim.htm


-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO III
  DIY tattoos

  Ecclesia got herself tattooed without all the
  inconvenience of going to a tattooist, or using
  proper equipment. She writes, "The guy used a
  chopped-up Walkman, 9 volt battery, and a
  clicky-pen. It tickled." It looks shit, but
  we admire her stupidity.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1017769


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> The Poetry of Donald Rumsfeld <<
  The US Secretary of Defence, most famous for
  wanting to kick Saddam's butt out of Iraq, is
  also an accomplished poet. His work deals
  sensitively with existential dilemmas. Well,
  perhaps not, but web magazine The Slate has
  produced these surprisingly convincing
  excerpts from his press statements.
http://slate.msn.com/id/2081042


  >> Make Your Own Dancing Freak <<
  Choose from a list of creatures, then change
  the settings to move bits around and animate
  them. With a little effort you could make it
  do pretty much anything. We just used the
  randomise button and laughed at the parade of
  misshapen cavorting abominations. Cool.
http://www.lecielestbleu.com/media/puppettoolframe.htm


  >> Geeks. Look. Something for you. <<
  Influenced by Apple's recent 'Switch' campaign,
  check out this animated parody ad for the
  Linux operating system (much beloved by the...
  more technically-inclined). Funny. Has goats.
http://www.ubergeek.tv/switchlinux/


  >> Death Star Pong <<
  Pleasing variation on the arcade classic
  pong. Bloody big bat and tiny targets
  makes for an entertaining five minute challenge.
  Didn't make us want to wank. At first.
http://rain.prohosting.com/4guitars/arcade/pongling.htm


  >> Tinned Meat Museum <<
  Meat. What is it? Where does it come from?
  From tins of course. Fucking 100s of them.
  Here are some of the best. Collected by a lady.
http://www.pottedmeatmuseum.com/.


-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO IV
  Spit alcohol on open flames

  Ever wondered what would happen if you spat
  a mouthful of absinthe over a burning book?
  D the Elder quite obviously has. With
  only the aid of some cheap moonshine liquor
  and the protection that God gives fools,
  he chanced his eyebrows against gigantic
  sheets of burning flame.
http://www.brainwrong.com/dc1a/ulthm2.htm


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Modern Fairytale Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted modern fairytales:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fairytales/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'Sue Denham' to judge the
  entries - here are her 3 faves.

  Sue writes -

  #1 "Ingmar Bergman's Cinderella - wonderful
  idea, great subtitles. I love this to bits.
  (hairy canary)
http://b3ta.com/board/1018658

  #2 "Sleeping Beauty - so subtle you'd miss it
  the first time, this amused me greatly.
  (Who Else)
http://b3ta.com/board/1010203

  #3 "The boy who cried... - mime jokes are
  always good, and this one has just the
  right level of vindictiveness." (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/1018839


  >> This Weeks Challenge <<

  This week, B3ta contributor Monkeon gave us
  the suggestion, "Tabloid Photostories"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tabloidphotostories/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * SHIPPING NEWS TUNE - Braces Tower writes
    "my Shipping Forecast tune has made it into
    the Radio 4 Presentation Office. Apparently
    the presenters featured on it are really
    chuffed. So am I."
http://makeashorterlink.com/?U27356D24


  * MAN MILK OR MOO MILK - stunningly popular
    in Japan. We don't know why. But they loved
    it.
http://www.b3ta.com/man-milk-or-moo-milk/


  * RATHERGOOD NOMINATED FOR WEBBY AWARD -
    Joel Veitch is vaguely concerned
    that he's been placed in the 'weird'
    section.
http://www.webbyawards.com/main/webby_awards/nominees.html


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * MORE VIOLENCE - we have a taste for blood
    now. What about branding yourself with a
    heated coat hanger? You could make a nice
    kitten shape on your forehead.

  * NERD KNITTING - why not make a Dr Who
    scarf? Space invader stockings? Or even
    a Pong hat?

  * HARDWARE HACKS - can you make your iPod
    play Galaxian? Or upgrade your kitten
    with gills?

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Zog, Tom Gregory & Fiona.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the seven b4ta dwarfs. (62699)

-------------------------------------------------

  Cooking tip: If you are preparing a stew or
  soup and have made the dish too salty, simply
  throw in a raw potato. The potato will draw
  the salt out and salvage that all-important
  dinner party.

next issue »
« previous issue