I, too, take great pride in annoying people wherever I go
and fleecing hardworking restaurateurs out of their profits as a result. It makes me feel really good inside.

There were two acceptable options here that I can see:
1) go outside, ring kids, tell them your phone will be off for a bit, switch phone off, go back in and no longer be a selfish prick
2) if you absolutely insist on having your phone on then you should not be in a restaurant imposing your fucking problems on your fellow diners, go outside, do not go back in and no longer be a selfish prick

Also, the kids called with an emergency an emotionally unstable bird from the UK that I was heartlessly stringing along called for some 'phone sex'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 8:38, 1 reply)

Don't make him use his most stentorian Brian Blessed voice on you.
He may have to make you jump with his drill sergeant tone.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:18, closed)

Gosh, I hadn't thought of that.
What have I done?????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:59, closed)