Anal Sex.
A girl I once dated was a slave to the anal g-spot. On our first foray into making the beast with 2 backs, I was slightly bemused, and more than a little aroused when she insisted I penetrate her rectally.
This was fine when she had douched prior to the act being performed, but when she became randy at work and insisted we engage in velocitous and frenzied fornication on our arrival home from work, I often pulled out with more than I went in with.. ergo, a couple of large and unsightly winnits adhering to my manhood.
Sadly my wish to use her mauve envelope instead fell on deaf ears, and eventually led to the downfall of our relationship when, after a series of shuddering orgasms, each more climactic than the last, I withdrew my spent phallus, and was rewarded with a payload of arse-gravy of biblical proportions.

It took me weeks to get the smell out of the mattress and eventually I was forced to dump it in the doorway of a nearby charity shop.

We parted shortly after. The last time I saw her she was being prescribed anusol in bulk quantities and required 3 pile cushions for her distended anus whenever she sat down.
(Vic Flange, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 9:03, 9 replies)

Arse gravy
Please don't remind me :-p
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 9:41, closed)

I'd forgotten that story
you deserved to win
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 9:45, closed)

hmmm
seconded, you did deserve to win
( zulu eh?, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 9:47, closed)

Oh ffs
I'm not well after reading that.

Too bad I can't still click on that, as it is one of the more gruesome things I've read on here...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 24 Dec 2008, 16:15, closed)

*click*
Especially for "mauve envelope". Among the cornucopia of euphemisms for the humble vagina, it's always nice to find one you've never heard before.
(cheez is feeling ergophobic, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 10:13, closed)

Clickety-click
"It took me weeks to get the smell out of the mattress" - this alone deserves the click.
(zebby wasting irony here on, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 13:41, closed)

Aww
A box of condoms and a carefully chosen diet could have saved that relationship :(
(DSV has been good since, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 15:08, closed)

Ewwwwww
Please let this be a joke story.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 0:00, closed)

C'mon T Dub
You know me well enough to answer that, surely?
(Vic Flange, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 8:54, closed)