Shoes!
On a long hall flight to America I decided to kick off my shoes to avoid deep vein thrombosis and placed them under the seat in front of me for easy access storage.

The feeling of doing this was really nice walking around the plane with only socks on, I soon decided that a nice snooze would be in order. About 7 hours into my snooze the cabin started to rock and the seatbelt light came on with the usual “We will be experiencing minor turbulence” only to drop 2,000ft like a roller coaster and all the people on the flight to start freaking out!!

I wasn’t that bothered because I know it happens so, after about 3 minutes of this it soon calmed down. Now getting towards the end of the flight and my feet were getting cold, I thought I’d better put on my shoes. Reaching under the chair in front I could only find one shoe! I thought “ahhh the turbulence must have moved it a bit” I reach even further forward and found what feels like a shoe, but it’s stuck!

I start tugging softly trying to get this shoe free from whatever is holding it! After one final, all mighty tug it comes free, only thing is when I bring it into my sight from under the chair it’s not my shoe, but the piss slipper from this 100 year old woman in front of me that I’d pulled off her tiny dwarf foot!!

The whiff of old woman foot wafted up my nostrils as I looked into this fur lined foot holder made me feel queasy as another bout of turbulence juddered out of the blue, I panicked and threw it under the chair next to her as I felt vomit bubbling away in my gut. I then felt around and finally found my own shoe under my own chair.

A near disaster avoided…I thought.

What I forgot was that this 100 year old woman was with her family and wasn’t really all there mentally. Her family was getting their bags and whisking granny off the plane as fast as they could to beat the rush for customs and didn’t realize that she didn’t have a shoe on.

I queued up behind at customs and felt like the biggest dickhead in the world as I watched this family dragging hobbling old granny through the airport with only one shoe on and then getting into a cab.

Sometimes if a breath out too hard I can still smell that granny shoe…

Cheers
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 11:23, Reply)