I wasn't going to post this on the main thread
But fuck it, why not? For me I will nominate the single post that made me laugh the most, I don't want to over hype it too much but I was in tears of laughter after reading it and it's well written, so in short my nomination goes to *drum roll*...Poohflake for the best shit story I have ever heard...It's epic -

www.b3ta.com/questions/unfinishedbusiness/post767227
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 11:32, Reply)

First Viscount Rothermere, of course!
On the occasion we have a single transferable vote, my second choice is Eugène Terre'Blanche. A politician who, in the manner of his passing, proved to be a visionary of our time.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 11:22, Reply)

As a shallow kinda chap
I'm happy to nominate anyone who'll give me a quick tug behind the bins outside Tescos at half four this afternoon.
( broadsword w⚓, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 11:18, 1 reply)

Anne Pillage
She's suffered so much
(yokelrobin THE NERD WHOSE HAIR DEFIES GRAVITY/FASHION, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:43, 1 reply)

Baldmonkey.
He's so witty.

And Funny,
and Sexy.
( Tzarkahn is waiting for Christmas to come again, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:14, 2 replies)

Whoever is responsible for the Haynes manuals
You are a fucking legend and have made my year
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 23:35, 3 replies)

Me!
I'm too modest to nominate myself. Apparently someone else has already done it..........
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Wed 22 Dec 2010, 21:01, Reply)

I'd like to nominate Wasp Box
For his unerring ability to lower the tone right through the floor...

b3ta.com/board/10219926
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 19:19, 1 reply)

Bill Posters.
Poor sod.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 14:41, 5 replies)

Noel!
Just before I rush off for Christmas, here's a little tale about my nominee for B3tan 2010.

One snowy morning, I awoke in a content enough mood. I got out of bed, put on my warmest jumper and went into the kitchen to make myself a nice cup of tea. But - alas - it appeared I'd been robbed by a vagabond of some kind. All my food, drink and comestibles were missing. I'd even run out of coke. And lo, I was wrathful. I jumped around the room swearing like I had tourettes, even frightening the resident loon in the flat next door. I made a vow to take vengeance against the arsewipe who had made off with my tasty breakfast. But where to begin such a quest?

I decided that the best course of action would be to start at my own front door. Whilst I was looking about for clues, a wanderer trotted mysteriously out of the morning mist.

'Good day' quoth I. He looked at me as if I were brain dead. Undeterred, I persevered, for I'm no chicken lady.

'Hello?' I tried again. 'I wondered if you might be able to help. You see, I've just been burgled.'

The stranger emitted a high-pitched cackle followed by a cacophony of shrieks and wails reminiscent of some kind of traditional whorehouse knees-up. 'Go thou, and seek the magic dwarf,' he said. And then fucked off.

I thought this sounded like fairly bad advice, but then I was in no position to argue. I set off towards the enchanted forest where this chthonic being was said to reside. As I drew near to the edgewoods, I felt some trepidation. All around I could hear the rustlings of hidden creatures. What was that in the bushes? A mongoose? A goat? A foxy badger, or merely an amorous one?

'Don't be such a big girl's blouse,' I told myself firmly, stepping forward. Fortunately, it was merely a not-very-scary duck. Feeling more placid, I continued.

The path through the woods grew darker and more tangled with every step. I had no idea of how I was going to find the magic dwarf, but fortunately I had brought an automatic light vessel - more commonly known as a torch - along on my quest. But then another shape appeared, a man with a plan of some kind.

It was Robin Hood, but a demented, hideous version, a gnarled and withered ancient with a face like a smashed monkey. He looked like the devil in tights.

'Password?' he demanded.

'I don't have one,' I replied sheepishly.

It was then I had my second stroke of luck. Robin Hood was obviously a little hard of memory, and had relied on a truly amish information system to recall the password he was instructed to demand. He'd carved it on a nearby tree. Peering through the forest gloom, I could just make out the letters...m...o...n...k..e...

I bawled 'MONKEY!' as loud as I could. Triumph! Robin slunk awake, and then, out of nowhere he appeared before me, hooded in his inky cloak of darkness and surrounded by a ring of fire. The Supreme Crow - for it was he, henchman of the tricksy midget himself. Boldly - as boldly as I could muster given the increasingly strange circumstances - I made my request for an audience with the grand master.

'Why, of course,' replied the courteous corvid, and ushered me forth into a cavernous chamber sparkling with gold dust, wherein sat the dwarf, muttering nonsensities. I related the woeful tale of my stolen food, and the trials I had undergone to get to him.

And then what happened? Well, the vile little scrote just laughed at me, brandished a carrot he'd been concealing. He was obviously a terminal boozehound and even at this time in the morning was completely legless.To make matters worse, on the way home I slipped and ended up with a broken coccyx. And that all really happened.

Merry Christmas all.
(jennymnemonic, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 13:29, 13 replies)

BALDMONKEY.


Click for bigger (272 kb)
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 22 Dec 2010, 12:25, 26 replies)

Boss Keloid
For buying non-alcoholic beer, the bellend.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 12:17, 3 replies)

I nominate
Can I have two nominations? Firstly Mr H.Accord for undying devotion to the board. Secondly Mrs M.Drugs. Both consistent contributors to the greater good of B3ta.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Late Entry.
I nominate cr3 for making this, it's entertained me more than most things this year


( Zuowan, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 10:10, 102 replies)

I think it should be Labia Majora
He has more chins than any mere mortal can count, and he brought us The Pandatron.

That is all.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

2010
Has anyone written down 2011 yet? It seems so strange.
(Surfeit, Wed 22 Dec 2010, 0:38, 1 reply)