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This is a question Wanking Disasters Part II

Despite the warnings contained in our previous question on The Act of Onan, you all still appear to be masturbating like monkeys in a zoo. Tell us your stories of jerking the gherkin and double-clicking the mouse.

Suggested by Mrs Entity and DaveExclamationMark, voted for by YOU

(, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:22)
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You know that myth about Marlilyn Manson?
So I'd been enjoying one of the few pleasures of puberty for a year or so now. Unfortunately, I didn't have anything to stimulate the mind other than an illustrated encyclopaedia with a naked pregnant woman in it, so I was starting to look around for more. The library was a good place to start, and after a few weeks I had managed to sneak home some art that was exciting, though only to the teenage mind. Basically I had found a magazine where the pap had snapped some drunk celebrity showing off all and everything, and a couple of books on puberty with some nekkid illustrations in.

Separately, I was also quite a bendy kid, since my joints hadn't set yet, and I was a fairly keen martial artist. One night, but not the fateful night, I was pumping away in my bed when I noticed that I could actually bend quite close to the top of my purple domed shaft, almost close enough to touch it with my tongue. This was fucking magic waiting to happen. Over the coming nights I would bend down further and further, and yes, I could give myself a damn good suck.

Now to that fateful night; I had the lust something bad, and had laid out all my dirty library pictures on my bed - there were norks as far as the eye could see, phwoar! After getting myself hard as only a young man can get, I got my head down and started slurping away. This was beautiful and Bacchus himself would have been proud of the pure hedonistic pleasure.

Now just as I'm about to cum - and yes, I fucking came in my mouth and swallowed - just as I'm about to cum, I hear a knock on my door; it's my dad asking why I'm awake at that late hour. I would tell him not to come in, but my mouth is full of dick at the time, shit! Then I cum, in my mouth, as my dad walks in.

So he sees me surrounded by the fucking tamest naked pictures you've ever seen, mouth dripping with my own boy fat, bathed in a post-orgasmic haze of shame and self-lust, and leaves.

This has never, ever, been brought up in conversation.
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:16, closed)
bleugh.
That's it. I'm not reading anymore of this qotw. For every one funny thing there are three things that leave me totally aghast.

Well done B3ta, you've made a pervert feel like a prude. I hope you're happy.
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:41, closed)
I think we have a winner
Now leave the internet.
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:46, closed)
And wipe your mouth.

(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:08, closed)
Wipe everything

(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:09, closed)
a winner?

(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:30, closed)
Fucking Stupendous!

(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:20, closed)
fuck...

(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:41, closed)
you sick fuck
have a click
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:42, closed)
Awesome
The disapproving cunts above are just jealous.
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:44, closed)
I certainly am
"Yesterday I was THIS CLOSE to a blow job. I reckon one less vertebra and I'd have managed it"
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:46, closed)
I approve of this
and I'm also massively jealous. I'd be surprised if the OP ever leaves the house...
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:13, closed)
You went full retard, man. Everybody knows you never go full retard.
You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam." Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed...

Never go full retard.
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:05, closed)
So
You don't think its an existing member creating a new account to jot down his story of filth without revealing his true identity.

Its not me btw, if it was my cock would be in my mouth right now, though I do realise while writing this sentance it would be possible to use a keyboard whilst sucking myself off.

Neat!
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 17:03, closed)
Wow
A bomb shell of a first post *click*

I have to say, I don't think this is true but funny either way.
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:26, closed)
Unfortunately for my father
It is.
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 21:22, closed)
I rarely crack up laughing.
almost crying. *click
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:33, closed)
you are a sick, sick man
*clicks*
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:42, closed)
ewwww i feel ill
and strangely jealous
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 17:21, closed)
good work

(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 18:21, closed)
I think I love you.
*click*
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 19:18, closed)
women will let you down
dear god i can just see enough keyboard through the tears......
take two people into the bad and hope she swallows my goo
not any more i just bend a suck............ now available in low salt
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 19:19, closed)
I am so very worried,
But that is hilarious.

What an awful mental image I have too.

*clicks*
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 20:03, closed)
OK then...
How many people have craftily tried to see how 'far down' they can reach after reading this?

anyone?....anyone?...

Not me of course...not again...erm...

Anyway, Congratulations - it takes something special to shock us lot round here. Great first post - You'll fit in very well.

*clicks*
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 20:08, closed)
'Kin 'ell
I'm very disturbed, and that's the first thing I've read that has almost made me puke.
*click*
(, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 21:41, closed)
Never brought up in conversation?
Maybe not between your dad and you, but it's all he ever talks about to anyone else.
(, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 0:10, closed)
Shortbus
That is all.
(, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 1:01, closed)

Haha - well done. Good tale. Your suppleness is genetic so there is every chance your dad has done the same thing. I'd clear the air and ask him if I were you.
(, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 7:11, closed)
pfffffftt!

(, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 8:26, closed)

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