14 years ago, about 9pm
I went upstairs and peeped into the kids' bedroom (who were 4 and 5 at the time) and noticed that they were awake and muttering about something.

So I went in to settle them down properly and tuck them in, but the duvet had shifted to one end making the cover just look like a bag. So I picked it up to sort it out. When I put a cover on a duvet, I do that thing where you turn the cover inside out and then grab the corners of the duvet from within and pull it through, turning the cover the right way around in one swift movement. However, I wasn't that dexterous, because I'd had almost a full bottle of wine sloshing about inside me.

I turned the cover inside out, reached in and it slipped over me. I tried to throw it back off, but I had stood on it, and all that happened was that I smacked my elbow on something. That made me stagger and I tread on it some more, stumbling over, and landing on the corner of one of the beds causing the leg to snap out of it's fitting.

I tried to get up, but I couldn't find the way out of the cover. I rolled about, not being able to get up because I was half pinned down by resting on the damn thing. I could hear the kids absolutely helpless with laughter. I foolishly asked them to help me out, but that just amused them more. I managed to get on to my knees, but then they dived on me, knocking me back over. So not only was I struggling to get out of the cover, I had to fight off two small giggling kids at the time.

After a few minutes, Mrs SLVA came upstairs to find out what all the racket was about and asked what the bloody hell I thought I was doing keeping the kids up. She ushered them back into bed, and then watched me as I still struggled to fight my way out of the cover. I finally got out, hot, sweaty and knackered to find her sitting on the stairs in stifled fits of mirth. As soon as she saw me, all red-faced and hair all stuck up, she cracked up properly.

She could've helped me up, the rotten sod.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 23:28, 1 reply)

I feel terrible for not reading this until now!
It's bloody fantastic! It's had me actually lolling at my desk - excellent stuff!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:19, closed)