anal sex...
a few years ago I used to work with another vet whose pedantry and quibbling were way beyond anything I could muster. One of the most bizarre of his twattering annoyances was brought home to me when an elderly client complained to me that "That other vet said some very rude things in front of me and I was very shocked". "tell me more" I say.

It transpired that she thought he had been talking about "anal sex". Aha! thinks I. got it!

well... you're all familiar with "anal glands" in dogs aren't you?
If you're not then let me tell you about those lovely little bits of joy that sit close to the anal sphincter and secrete a pungent material over the turd as it leaves the dog's arse. Its a mechanical process and if the turd aint firm enough then the material can build up and require manual expression. This happens cost they get a bit full and cause irritation and then the dog wipes its arse on the floor and other such things. I hate expressing the glands and have devoted vast amounts of time to educating owners in how to empty the glands themselves and how to prevent the problem in the first place.

Strictly speaking they are not "anal glands" but are actually "anal sacs lined with glandular epithelium". Hence if you continually call them anal sacs, eventually some old person may mishear you and think you are talking about "anal sex". I just call them anal glands because it really doesnt matter if you call them glands or sacs as long as the client understands what you are talking about.

Cat owners: you are not immune - unlike dogs, cats can "fire" their glands at will... musculature at the base of the penis makes this possible.

length - about half your index finger in the hole and I'll do a youtube clip if you like.... (finger in method is way better than the finger out method...)
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Wed 18 Dec 2013, 23:01, 5 replies)

i.imgur.com/7l3vKEW.gif
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 19 Dec 2013, 2:01, closed)

Watching a friend
perform this manoeuvre on her dog, I can attest that sometimes the vet showing the client what to do is not always the best course.

I don't know if it was the fact that our friend failed to douse her hands in chlohexidine either before or after the fact that put me off. Or that her dog so willingly presented to have her arsehole squeezed.
Either way there was something inherently wrong about the whole situation.
The fact that I had to suggest she do it outside on the lawn next time rather all over the living room carpet and a beanbag may have had some bearing on how I feel about the technique though.
(nob fartbelm NOT a "comedy account", here for srs bizness, Thu 19 Dec 2013, 5:50, closed)

I feel quite ill now
I have heard tales of vets who do this without gloves.... not for me. Some dogs really don't like the procedure (dunno why?). Im currently working in a practice where the previous vets used to perform this on EVERY dog which came through the door... again. not for me.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Thu 19 Dec 2013, 7:20, closed)

I think it should also be mentioned
that if the glands/sacs are full of anal lubricant and haven't been squeezed in a while , when they needed to be; then squeezing them with anything/anyone in the (inadvertent) line of fire is just asking for trouble.
(nob fartbelm NOT a "comedy account", here for srs bizness, Thu 19 Dec 2013, 7:29, closed)