I once got called out
to do a job in a hotel in Torquay. The owner and his wife wanted a doorway knocking through from reception to the kitchen and the drawing room door blocking off, but I, being such a fuckwit, blocked up the dining room doorway and put a door at the bottom of the stairs. Well, when the owner came back and saw what I'd done, he phoned me up and said he was going to insert a garden gnome up my arse.

Anyway, I went back to the hotel and I admitted that I'd made a mistake and attempted to lighten the situation with a little humour but the owners wife laid into me with her umbrella!
I'm never going there again, I can tell you.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 23:57, 6 replies)

I actually read that in his voice

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 12 Mar 2011, 0:07, closed)

ha!
only beat me 2 it cos i wuz puttun't'bairn't'bobo's...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 12 Mar 2011, 0:19, closed)

There is too much butter
On, those, trays!
( Peej, Sat 12 Mar 2011, 0:26, closed)

You are orally men?

(McChinaman banned, Sat 12 Mar 2011, 1:06, closed)

Who is man with beard?

( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Sat 12 Mar 2011, 11:48, closed)

Bugger.
You beat me to it.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 12 Mar 2011, 17:58, closed)

Got it at "Torquay".
"I tell you, if the Good Lord..."
"...is mentioned once more, I shall move you closer to Him."
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Sun 13 Mar 2011, 11:12, closed)