Piercings need to come with warnings
I had my right nipple pierced on Monday of this week. It has a very strange effect on you, well, it has on me.

No one warned me that the right nipple is directly linked to the clitoris and that a new pierced nipple is permanently hard. Mr Chickenlady is slightly perturbed that his wife has become obsessed with sex and keeps propositioning him, friends, strangers, builders…..

Piercings can also cause untold embarrassment.

Last night I went to a black tie do. As usual I had been fretting about what to wear; decided upon a very fetching strapless number (6 actually – I prefer round numbers). I forgot, until sitting in the car en route, that as this strapless dress is quite tight therefore requiring no bra, that the seams inside would rub against piercing. Cue me sitting in a traffic jam attempting to re-position breast whilst being watched by white transit van drivers…hooters all round…as it were…

Anyway, I get to the party and as I am alone (Mr Chickenlady was not available) I decide to drink large amounts of wine in order to calm down….silly, very, very, silly. I then spend an hour or so making rude remarks and laughing at inappropriate moments – like when someone said that they felt a certain amount of sympathy for Heather Macartney because all the press seemed to ‘want a piece of her’ at the moment…pffft…

Later I begin to disgrace myself by leaning over a table and thus ensuring that all those seated around it get a slightly more than brief glimpse of new piercing….

Later still I pop off to ladies for a pee and decide now is the time to show all my friends my nipple….camera phone….emails….and propositions abound…..

Oh and half an hour ago I had the lovely job of washing dessert off the side of the car (don’t worry I wasn’t driving…I was too busy hurling).

So now I feel like a right tit. But I’d better not feel it too much or I’ll get arrested.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 16:28, Reply)