Ahh, free booze
It's nice when people provide a constant stream of alcohol for whatever reason. In one case it was the university tiddlywinks society, trying to attract more members. Being a less popular society they're a bit more liberal with the punch than most. So some friends and I went along to abuse their hospitality

So, several games of tiddlywinks later, we're all in a circle, playing some weird tiddlywinks -related drinking game (I think it may have involved pointing at each other and yelling "John Lennon Memorial Shot!"), when I fell over.

I mean REALLY fell over, as in complete tree-in-forest "TIMBEEERRRRRR!" falling over. I'm 6'6" which added to the cartoon effect.

Before: |
During: /
After: __

Apparently they still talk about it in 'winking circles today. Nice to feel that I've added something to the lore of the game.
(Machinecurse, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 4:56, Reply)

i remembered another story
The same jimmie who we did that thing to his hoodie which you can see here .

Well, we got pissed at his house, there was a group of us including my mate the swift, well jimmie was in the process of losing his virginity when pissed up the Swift walks into his bedroom wearing nothing but his boxers, a high visibility jacket and a minnie mouse pink umbrella, he switched on the light and there's this girl giving it all she's got ontop of jimmie, he looks at the swift and just says "not cool dude, not cool"

i don't think i've ever laughed so much in my whole life...
(stomm, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 4:38, Reply)

After about 3 1/2 cosmopolitans
I tried to scale a fence that was really only three feet high, which looked easy. I made it about halfway over and ended up with my face smacking the dirt, I didn't even realize I had hit the ground until someone informed me of this.
Later that evening I went home, got out the plastic wrap and tinfoil, and decorated my dad like human-sized leftovers. You can imagine he wasn't too thrilled.
(three hams, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 4:35, Reply)

errrrh hyurrrrrrrrrrrrh yehhhhh
The best stories i can remember of drunkeness happened at leeds music festival, on different years.

The thing goes that on the thursday me and my mates arrive and proceed to get so unbelievably wankered - it ends up like our video we posted on the newsletter (here's the vid) - but outside, including fire and tents.

A few stories that stick out in my mind is the time when my mate (jimmie) poured some blue bols on my other mate's (swift's) pants, so when he was out watching bands, we took jimmie's favourite hoodie out, paul used another mate's (neil's) razor and proceeded to shave his pubic hair onto it, we pissed on the coat, spat on it, poured spaghetti, beer, all different kinds of food and waited till he came back, but we didn't stop laughing till he saw the coat, then we pissed ourselves even more, it was one of those 'he was so angry' moments, he simply didn't do anything, and just quietly cried. Funnily enough neil still uses that razor, and jimmie still wears that hoodie, washed hopefully :D

Other leeds activities include pouring burning candle wax on our penises to see 'how hard we are' - the swift drew some eyes on his balls and kept getting them out to 'say hello' - me being pissed up and throwing bottles of piss with no top in any random direction (just for a laugh) - covering my arm in deodorant and burning it. One of our mates called Gary always went to sleep early, so we had this big inflatable couch, so when we were suitably drunk, we twatted his tent with it and kept running into it. i've been sick everywhere though at that site, there's so many cloudy yet wonderful memories, did i mention fire breathing with jack daniels?

The only other story that sticks out in my mind is a beer festival trip i did to Hamburg with some mates, i smashed the wardrobe two minutes into getting into the room, i climbed in to see if it would take my weight and it didn't, it made the loudest SNAP noise and just collapsed, so a botch job fixed it and the inside shelf was held up with towels i stole from the boat (don't ask) - i then went into the bathroom and broke the window because i didn't know it was locked and forced it, snapping the lock off and leaving the window open permanently. Going out that night we came back from the beer festival and decided to change shirts and go back out, me and one mate got chatting to this norwegian bloke and went looking for bars, we found this one bar that did a drink a euro, and got very very drunk.
This was all well and good but we went back with all our mates the next night and the place was packed, it was our last night so me and my mate did every drink they had on the list, and we were halfway through the list again and we decided it was time to go, we were so fucked, i tried walking out with a bottle of lager, the 'doorman' grabbed me, said some german bollocks so i thought i was in for a kicking, he took the bottle from me and started to pour it into a plastic cup! Fantastic, i motioned thankyou and waddled to subway, got in there, immediately dropped the drink and it went fucking everywhere, it went halfway up this lads leg, so me being wankered said "i'd say sorry but you don't understand a fucking word i'm saying you foreign cunt, so bollocks to you" - he turned round and said "actually mate, i'm from norwich" - i apologised the best i could and escaped unscathed, i woke up the next morning with probably 15+ two pint stines i had robbed from the 'fest all over our room, and i was in the bathroom, a duvet over me with my head under the toilet bowl and half a subway next to me unwrapped and half eaten. oh and vomit everywhere including my t-shirt, so i changed my t-shirt, wrapped up the subway, packed up, got on the coach, ate the subway at the ferry terminal and went home.... i fucking love holidays :D
(stomm, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 4:30, Reply)

Oh me, oh my
I'm sure you all remember the North American Eastern seaboard being in a total blackout last august. well, my friend and I assumed that the world was ending so, we should drink untill we don't care. He has a bottle of tequila, rum, gin, sambucca, and i belive there was whisky involved. At any rate, we sat in the dark, with candles drinking continuously for about 20 hours. At this point, we decided we needed to defend ourselfs against looters, so we barracaded ourselves in the basement for 3 days, untill i turned on a lamp we found in storage, and realized the power had been on for two days.
(Human, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 4:16, Reply)

Some friends and I were having a few last night
and we decided to prop up my dad's treadmill and turn it into a high-speed jump

..i think we broke it pretty bad
(retro, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 4:12, Reply)

Not exactly a disaster, more " the most drunk I've ever been" but here we go
My 19th birthday - first one at university. It started out quite normally - a couple of beers, nothing silly. Then one of flatmates decided to make me a 'special' drink involving everything he could find in the kitchen. Cider, lager, vodka, blackcurrant. Garlic. Chilli. And other stuff I can't even remember.
I managed to drink a whole pint of this stuff before we headed off to the union club. Things are a little hazy after this. I know Aftershocks and further pints were involved, but only because I've seen photos.
Apparently we were eventually asked to leave because I kept falling asleep and threatening to throw up in a pint glass.
My next clear memory is waking up at 7 the next morning, semi-naked, curled up in my duvet in the corridor outside my room. I literally couldn't talk and I spent a good half an hour wandering around trying to find an explanation of my situation. Naturally I ended up knelt in front of the toilet bowl for what felt like hours, puking my guts out. But this was no normal vomit. Well, not all of it. In amongst the usual stuff were these huge white chunks of something. I assume it was some sort of stomach lining but I'm still not sure to this day. I couldn't even smell alcohol for the next week or so without retching.
A lot of other stuff happened that night apparently, involving nakedness and more vomitting, but I have no memory of it at all.
( wayward., Fri 19 Mar 2004, 4:04, Reply)

Roadblocks and booze don't mix
Once got drunk on the beach and went in to the wrong house to sleep. I was sharing a bed with my mate, so finding someone already in bed was not a surprise. When her husband came out of the shower, though, that was a surprise.
(junglejim, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 3:43, Reply)

a couple here
there was the time just after finishing my A-Levels and our physics class decided to take our teachers out for a curry. Then things get a little hazy. I started in stafford ina curry house with my physics teachers and ended up in manchester surrounded by randy transvestites (called kevin).

More recently there was the time when Chris and I thought that it would be a good idea to race our wheelie chairs down the main road in aberystwyth (there is only one road).
here's the link to the full story
www.geocities.com/xblock_2002/chair2.html
(you FUCKING *BANG* BANG*BANG* AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 3:25, Reply)

When I was in university, I visited Oxford on vacation.
The owner of the hotel where I stayed invited me to the 21st birthday party being held for her son the night I arrived. I went and got along, shall we say, very well with the son. So well that we ended up in his room, which was two floors above mine at the hotel. Some time in the middle of the night I woke up a great deal more sober than I'd fallen asleep, realized with horror what I'd done and decided I needed to flee to my room immediately. A quick look around didn't reveal the whereabouts of my clothes, so in my less-drunk-than-before-but-still-pretty-damn-drunk state, I decided to walk to my room without them. Off I went, stark naked, down the only stairway. On the way, I ran into two couples walking up to their rooms and, feeling that in the absence of clothes my composure was all I had, I nodded courteously as if this were the most normal thing in the world. I've returned to England many times since then, but have avoided Oxford ...
(Cheril, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 3:22, Reply)

One night at Stanford university
A friend and I found a bottle of wine in a dumbwaiter. We drank it. Then we went for a ride on a tandem bike that belonged to a blind friend. But we crashed it into a creek and then rode down the highway going the wrong direction. The police stopped us, and when we told them we were borrowing it from a blind girl, they simply could not cope, and let us go.
( cowcat Bituminous squeegee, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 3:12, Reply)

I've
never touched or tasted booze in my life, and there have been babies who drink that stuff daily.
(Amer3tan, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 3:05, Reply)

I stole
Someone's curtains.
(oiseau, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 3:04, Reply)

i think you're opening yourselves up here
to a lot of twattish, studenty, "hurr, i got pissed!"-type 'stories'.

however.

i got drunk in a pub in manchester, followed by my flat and followed by my student union. this was unwise. after drunkenly saying 'hello' to elbow, i staggered out of the building and turned the wrong way. and kept walking. i walked four miles before i noticed that i was lost; it was only seeing old trafford that made me realise where i was.

note: i lived in the building next door to the student union.
(martian, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 3:03, Reply)

I have to post this on behalf of a friend:
Last year (the first year of uni, strange eh?) my very good friend Mike got extremely drunk while in a club so I got him home. Once we were back I saw him disappear to his room and assumed he had gone to bed. About an hour later while I was cleaning my teeth I heard my door handle rattling & went to see what was going on. When I unlocked my door I found Mike completely naked, attempting to get in. Naturally my first question was "What the fuck are you doing?" To which he replied "Trying to get into your room." I couldnt really argue with that so I asked why and he looked me in the eye and simply said "Because it's the place to be." When I asked about this the next day it appeared that he had no recollection of his actions the night before and then had to go round the rest of the flat asking other people if he had done the same to them which meant he wasnt able to keep it secret. Top bloke. I wish he hadnt quit uni.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 3:02, Reply)

oh gotta tell ya
I was a Glastonbury virgin in 2003. After 2 days of incessant drinking, we woke up on Saturday morning without a beer between us. Given that the bars didn't open until 11am - 2 hours away - we found an open wine bar so proceeded to get drunk on cheap plonk at 9am in The Other field in glorious sunshine. Nothing embarressing here, just one of the most tranquil days i have ever experienced.
oh, WORSE experience. fucked this one right up then.
( greedydave cries when he wanks, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:57, Reply)

My Worst night on Alcohol
The actual night is only vague in my memory.
My night began fine, the usual drinks with a few mates. But then we discovered the Jelly Shots and other types of shots.
The events which followed are hazy, and are made up of slight memories and stories told by other people.
Apparently i chatted up the barmaid in the hogshead, and kept buying her drinks.
after a while we decided to leave, and make our way to the pub i worked at, which will remain nameless. Upon reaching there, a few of us attempted to leapfrog a postbox, cracking our nuts in the process (discovered groinal bruising in the morning). When reaching the bar, me and a friend then proceeded to lick the front window of the bar, whilst customers were inside. After entering the bar, i approached one of the barmaids i worked with and said 'In my pocket, i've got some ribbed condoms and a fiver, lets go have a good time'.
I then downed other peoples drinks who i didnt know. discovered they left the kitchen doors open, stole some chicken wraps, and made my way to the bus station.
after that, nothing.
the next thing i know is that i got woken up by my dad asking if i was ok.
apparently i was hugging the toilet bowl saying 'you're my friend aintcha, i love you.'

Never again have i been that drunk.

altho, when i did finally wake up in the morning, i was in my bed. and next to me was a Flashing Amber roadworks beacon.

where from? who knows
(Emohawk, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:54, Reply)

One new years eve, I got incredibly drunk
and fell asleep with my leg on a radiator pipe.
I awoke with third degree burns.
I rock.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:52, Reply)

A few years back
I was at a real "Yellow Pages" party - you know the kind... "Hello... French Polishers... it's possible you could just save my life..."

Well myself and my friend (fellow b3tan Bitchpapa) wanted to do something mischievous to the house, but being nice people we didn't want to permanently damage anything.

We finally decided to gather every cuddly toy in the house (there were a lot) and arranged them very tastefully in a tree in the back garden.

While in the garden, we then noticed lots of rocks obviously intented for a new rockery, so we arranged them in a perfect scale model of Stonehenge (well as close to perfect as our drunken minds could manage). We completed the scene with the sacrifice of one particular cuddy toy from the tree (ketchup may have been involved).

If only all the party go-ers had been as considerate as us - when I went back in to use the lavatory, I found a small tree had been planted in it.

Fucking students... eh?
( Mystery_Bob, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:50, Reply)

Ive not had disasters but plenty of funny experiences
In my first year at uni:
after (a record) 5 pints of Stella, and 14 assorted shots of vodka, Southern Comfort and Jack Daniels, I went through all the motions of the average drunken moron, telling a mate he "wazsh my besht friend" and that I loved him etc. Following this at some point on the way home in the taxi I managed to be "sick discretely in the corner" so that the driver didnt notice and thus avoided a £60 penalty charge. Fuck knows how I pulled that one off. Later.. upon arriving back at my flat I have no idea what went on but the next day I awoke to see my flatmates girlfriend coming through my partially open door, only to instantly realise I was spread eagled and stark bollock naked. Once all parties involved got over the shock the tale unfolded further as I realised that for some bizarre & unknown reason I had battled to get my desk chair into the shower cubicle. Not only that but there was a host of mysterious smells and unpleasant stains round the toilet. It also became apparent that I had attempted to put my clothes in various drawers where they didnt belong and there was also evidence of attempted letter writing. And all this bemusement came on top of the worst hangover known to man.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:48, Reply)

Friday 13th
Remember Kreamola Foam? Mix with water, tastes like strawberries. Mix with vodka, tastes like strawberries. Mix with 18 year old twat, a five star hotel, rather irritatted 'staff', result?

Sick before the starter, and then again after, then left on the street to rot, then watch was stolen, then taxi, sick again, bed, sick, fire alarm (ignored), sick, valentines day. Sick, zoo, sick, MOST EXPENSIVE ITALIAN IN TOWN. Not sick, too ill to eat. Sex, sick.

I know what you're thinking. The zoo on Valentines! Wasn't she a lucky one.

Sick.

--

Also...

On a mental night out, chicks loving me and mates, drink flowing, dancing like idiots but looking like gods.

One step better than looking like gods ofcourse,is looking like gods dancing on the stage.

I don't know if you've ever dislocated your knee but it sobered me up instantly. Then in hospital they gave me morphein, and cyclo-hexane. Morphein makes you feel like Jebus personified, and cyclohexane prevents you from being sick.

gonnapukegonnapukegonnapukegonnapuke..I'm ok..gonnapukegonnapukegonnapukegonnapuke..I'm ok..

Sweet sweet booze...
( The Lurker Plenty One, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:43, Reply)

i've actually only been semi drunk once.
and it was from a shot of 151.

My dad, step mum, and sister were cheering me on.
(Armer Farmer, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:43, Reply)

when i was too young to take my booze
i was involved in a free-bar senario in the suburbs of manchester. after several hours i decided that enough was enough, and attempted to take the train/tram home. i woke up on a bench in Victoria station, suitably coverered in my own sick at 3am. my quest to get home had failed.
( greedydave cries when he wanks, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:42, Reply)

lager and bitter memories
when i'd not long left school, back in 1989, i who had never drank before, got into a drinking cometition, after 9 pints of 'snakebite', i finally agreed that i had lost.
after this its a bit fuzzy.
i do remember being in someones house, dont know whos, and breaking a plate on purpose.

also remember smelling a lawn, throwing up and after some dark brown haze theres a memory of being in hospital with my hand badaged up and only wearing underpants.

this put me off alcohol, infact, i dont drink at all now, and havnt done for at least 6 years or more.

on that point, i think i'll go have a coffee...

spoons and mouse trousers

AG
(Angle Grinder, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:42, Reply)

New years eve capers
One new years eve I turned up late to the pub and tried to drink twice as fast to catch up with my mates. Sadly this intake of alcohol completely messed me up and i collapsed in the garden of the house we had gone to for a new year party. My body was not moving at all but my mind was OK. It was when the owners of the house started sticking fireworks in the garden and trapping me behind a fence of fire and explosives that my friends decided to intervene
( Threepwood is heading back to a town called b3ta, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:41, Reply)

Some guys in my kitchen at uni had been drinking....
And when they got back, we decided it would be fun to create a new religion based around worshipping a guy from the next kitchen. So firstly we built an effigy of him out of butter.

Then we decided to break away from the UK and create out own Utopia. So we fortified half of the kitchen using tables and chairs. Then we ate a load of food from people's cuprboards - aided by a small fire we lit, which was a pizza box. This went on for a while, we even devised a national anthem, and 'bloodened' outselves with Bovril. Eventually we got bored and left, leaving our fortified kitchen, with the remains of a small fire on the floor, for the early risers to enjoy (who had just spent the previous day cleaning the kitchen).

And that was just 2 days ago...
(R-T-C Got arbitrage profits?, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:41, Reply)

whoops
one night after an exceedingly heavy drinking session i was wandering with my mate through a cemetary when suddenly a voice called something along the lines of "oi you, do you want a fight" being drunken i fumbled for words and failed miserably to stop the onslaught.... i can't remember much for a while after that only thing i can remember is waking up and having the silhouette of a gravestone above my head.... "argh i'm dead" i believe was my exact statement, after about half an hour of not seeing anyone (it was 3 in the morning) i assumed i really was dead, and set about becoming a poltergheist, i ran round for about half an hour looking for a victim to sneak up on and tap there shoulders.... finally i found my victim, running up behind them i pounced and tapped them lightly on the shoulder. "who the heck are you?" they replied... realising i wasn't dead i kind of had a huge sense of happiness and merrily skipped down the road... needless to say i had a headache the next 24 hours
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:40, Reply)

Boozy streak
My mates dared me to do a streak round ou block after a night on the lash. they cobbled together all of £10 for my effort, so i dashed off into the night wearing a pair of boots and an army helmet. Only I was that pissed hat i fell over quite heavily halfway round, and had to be carried bck to our house. I smashed my glasses up and my injuries got me a week off work. Nice one!
(The other Norman Hartnell, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:38, Reply)

The first time I ever made myself ill with alcohol
was when I was 15 years old and went to see a friend's band play.

To my surprise, the bar staff seemed willing to serve me so I spent the night drinking bottles of vile 'Diamond White' cider - well it was cheap and I was only 15.

I got really quite violently sick and threw up in full view of the girl I had been trying to woo for weeks. Needless to say, any chance I had with her ended at that point.

I was actually sick for about three days after - so much so that I still cannot drink cider to this day (I'm almost 30 now). It took a good couple of years before I could even face apple juice.
( Mystery_Bob, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:37, Reply)

my friend...
(a freshmen in highschool) put vodka in a water bottle and got drunk during PE. after screwing with the narcs(stupid school cops) he passed out and had to goto the hospital.
(Cyrus, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 2:34, Reply)