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This is a question Brain Fade

Freddie Woo tells us how he recently spent ages trying to open his front door with his Oyster Card before realising he actually needed things called "keys". Tell us of times you've done stupid things while on auto-pilot

(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 12:20)
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I bought a convertible
Yeah, I know, in the UK ha ha. The interesting thing about it was the little differences. For example, to fold down the rear seats you needed the key, rather than just pulling a lever. Why? Well, if you park with the roof down you want the boot secure. For similar reasons the boot release button in the door only worked with the roof closed.

You can see where this is going.

Girlfriend and I, driving back from the countryside with the car in "millionaire" mode (at 70mph having the roof down meant dropping from 35mpg to more like 25 - ouch) decided to stop for a cheeky pub lunch in the sunshine. So, we pulled into a likely looking village, parked up in the square and set about securing various road-trip valuables (ipod, emergency biscuits etc) in the boot.

After tossing everything in and closing said boot, I felt for the keys in my pocket to set the immobiliser. Nothing. The enormity of what I'd just done hit me like a train: it wasn't just music and sustenance I'd managed to lock in the boot. There was, by design, no way in without the key and the spare was 150 miles away in Berkshire.

I looked skywards to let out a moan and noticed that, just to rub it in, an enormous raincloud had appeared above us. Fucksocks.

Once the lady had finished calling me every word for "idiot" she could muster, we embarked on an extended and hurried problem solving session. I had a small screwdriver in the door bin (you can take a boy out of the cub scouts..) so I investigated whether there were any interior fixings or panels that could be loosened to achieve boot access or to fold the seats without unlatching them. No dice. I looked at the fuse box and considered whether judicious shorting might fool the car into thinking the roof was up long enough to trigger the release button. Non-starter; I didn't know even nearly enough about the wiring of the car to pull that one off.

Eventually we decided there was nothing to be done but call the AA and hope that the rain held off long enough for them to show up. I know now how ridiculous that sounds but at the time I convinced myself this was not only likely, but the only possible sequence of events.

I dialled straight away. Brilliantly, my call was answered within seconds and was timed perfectly with my slamming the car door to reveal, dangling cheekily in the lock, the keys.

The Mrs delivered a barrage of insults without repetition, deviation or hesitation, right through lunch.
(, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 15:28, 8 replies)
Click for the last line alone.

(, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 15:45, closed)
I clicked for the story, but the last line is perfect, I'll give you that Vag :)

(, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 17:11, closed)
I clicked because it's the most absurdly
brainless piece of idiocy I have even heard of, and I have done the same thing myself on more than one occasion.
(, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 17:13, closed)
I too...
...have done the same. The police sent a reformed car thief, err sorry, locksmith, to us. He took three seconds to open the car and charged £20. Best money I ever spent!
(, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 18:24, closed)
So...at best you made a simple mistake that anyone could make,
at worst... you have a Mrs that is nothing more than a short-tempered and verbally abusive harridan with no sense of humour, zero patience and who possibly only tolerates/fucks you because you have a fancy car.
(, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 0:45, closed)
I think the last line employs a certain amount of
"artistic license".
(, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 12:24, closed)
Shame on me
I think QOTW should follow the Wikipedia route of allowing people to correct factual errors in each others' stories. One day people might use this forum as a genuine historical record of life in the early 21st century - imagine the horrific consequences for a future civilisation of rampant mild exaggeration and Honda Accord smugness misrepresentation! Hardly bears thinking about.
(, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 15:00, closed)
this makes me wish that replies to QOTW answers could win.
clicked anyway.
(, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 21:15, closed)

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