skagra (n): The art of being irritatingly unfunny at great length.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sun 31 Jan 2016, 13:58, 2 replies)

'Eleanor Rigby's funeral'
A mutually unsatisfying sexual encounter.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Jan 2016, 20:01, Reply)

First thing in the morning I like to go for a So Solid Crew.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 25 Jan 2016, 6:04, 9 replies)

Moribund Flebsite

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 24 Jan 2016, 10:43, Reply)

Leave Rob alone, he's doing his best
well, obviously not his best. But he is stopping short of total neglect. I mean, if total neglect was Edgware, he'd be getting off at Colindale. Maybe even Hendon on a good week.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 1 Feb 2016, 10:57, 1 reply)

qotw
(of a person) at the point of death.
"on examination she was qotw and dehydrated"
(of a thing) in terminal decline; lacking vitality or vigour.
"the qotw commercial property market"
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 1 Feb 2016, 7:49, Reply)

Skagran Slang
Ablogthigg
Manner of speech of person with mightily blocked nasal passages

Arsery
Behaviour during which arses are likely to be bared

Belliop
Undulating motion of stomach of someone vomiting

Besquintos
Expression on someone’s face as they stare into the sun

Bimmtle
Humungous subcutaneous zit

Blathertron
1. Radio tuned permanently to Radio 1 and left in factory or shop all day at maximum volume
2. Irritating telephonic voice

Borad
That which is dull and boring

Chinny
Of a personal stereo or cassette player, etc: cheap and tinny

Dagbloid
State of tongue after very hot curry or passionate french kiss

Destraboly
That which is destined, sooner or later, to be destroyed, usually by enormous homicidal robots of limited intelligence

Drumhum
Type of eternally long, infernally tedious drum solo favoured by Phil Collins et al

Engingering
The act of rendering something ginger

Explapology
An explanation which is also an apology, and vice-versa

Flobbous
Having the texture and/or appearance of freshly hawked phlegm

Fragglemeister
Student, rich of parent, who dresses up as a traveller and goes to festivals, and then suffers from diarrhoea. Will eventually evolve into a y’ban’o!wawa (qv)

Freheal
To reveal gums amorously

Futudrid
Descriptive of the early morning breath of the being you wake up next to

Gazooxed
Skint, from buying too many National Lottery tickets or scratchcards

Ghuviug
Unidentified thing dwelling in pipe or drain

Gogzongle
In a science fiction or horror film, a gogzongle is a special effect or monster which just does not work on screen. See the film “Species”, and its sequels, for a perfect example of a major gogzongle

Goitlebloom
Large, angry zit, which probably started life as a bimmtle (qv) and will end its life as a bloody mess on a tissue

Granby
Doddery old person in shopping centre likely to change direction, turn around or stop in front of you without warning, thus causing collision

Habbaflarkiss
Slightly uncomfortable walk of one forced, by some circumstance or other, to forgo underpants

Haspik
Medical implement for the removal of pubic hairs

Hea
Abortive cup of tea

Higfuffy
Expression on the face of a granby (qv) who has just been involved in a collision with a wegfaroon (qv)

Hoarse Throaterton
Sore throat caused by giving someone a loud and protracted bollocking

Hoghiufwanf
Frantic flapping movement made by person with hands or newspaper in a vain attemtpt to disperse noxious fart. Also appiles to dog’s fart dispelled into general area by frantic flapping of the beast’s tail

Howjohout
Unseen irritant foul; its shrill song

Husfadfogfossid
1.Decaying vegetable matter
2.Any political party manifesto

Iagor
Name used in every sword and sorcery novel ever written

Jisp
Lisp which renders the speaker desperately camp

Kernick
Ancient walking stick/frame wielded by granby (qv)

Lasticair
Elastic band with a personality; it may be nonchalant, sexy, debonair or lachrymose

Latolkein
Totally flat lager, fit only for throwing at someone

Lieterature
Government brochures

Lunchacy
Psychotic disorder which causes people to eat at McDonalds

Megavoox
Computer game designed to produce brain tumours in children

Meowelings
Pitiful sounds made by small fluffy kittens about to be devoured by huge ravenous serpent

Nastobeer
The real ale equivalent of latolkein (qv)

Nixidom
Zone of total and complete nothingness

Noggotho
Very very very dark, utterly without even the faintest smidgeon of light, sort of thing

Noom
Something worse than doom

Noshblediant
Of a sausage, to be glisteningly greasy, tight of skin, stone cold, and slightly turned up at the ends

Okabaahdaj
Pseudo-ethnic object, really made in the Wirral, sold to gullible y’ban’o!wawas (qv)

Ottorow
Expression of one confronted suddenly with a dead fish (or fishes)

Oquo
The colour of water in a toilet bowl

Pennather
Sound made by very wide flares in high wind

Quabsoash
To hurtle, with fish and/or sundry crustaceans, down chute into water

Quoplisplade
Arranged in a manner designed to rile the elderly

Quornography
Vegetarian pornography

Rollolert
Noise made by the very young when their favourite TV programme is about to commence

Slard
A cloying, claggy mixture of sugar and lard, favoured by old people

Shujkalap
One who sells okabaahdajes (qv) to y’ban’o!wawas (qv)

Sry
Sour and dry

Testop
Harmless testicular lump fondled in dread by hypochondriac

Threllboxes
Immense loudspeakers seen at festivals etc, out of which dead bodies are cleared at the end of the gig

Throdog
When on a cycle path, a dog that looks like it is going to run out in front of you

Ugnorbal
At once abormal and revolting, like the practice of avisodomy or meatotomy

Ujujumme
Unidentified jelly-like sweet

Ung
Correct name for the shape of a turd

Vertwaque
Decorated in an overtly tossy manner, like a Marillion album sleeve

Vnanamar
Expression of TV screen or computer monitor when switched off

Vugnix
Horrible things such as prunes Graham Norton which seem to know that you hate them and thus take every opportunity to present themselves to you

Wegfaroon
Total prat on a bicycle, whose irresponsible behaviour would seem to augur a very early death

Xanxoque
Style of spaceship interior decor

Xaxdool
Large, full of gas and descending upon you from a great height

Xot
Totally undoable knot, such as that formed in electrical flex or wet shoelace

Yanarra
Beautiful alien female, green (or other) of skin and (sometimes) triple of breast

Y’ban’o!wawa
Misguided person who buys crateloads of “ethnic objects” with which to decorate their home in the hope that such action will imbue their lives with credibility

Ziplavidong
Crass quixotic manner assumed by inebriated camper/holidaymaker which will inevitably lead to a fight

Zybla
The noise made by marauding crane flies
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sat 30 Jan 2016, 21:54, 12 replies)

how rude!
baba is Sheffield for shit (not very good)

my Mrs uses the expression wide-on, a female version of a hard-on.
(nattydread, Wed 27 Jan 2016, 11:31, 1 reply)

Kidderminstered - to be in a state that is difficult to describe
Sally pulled down her pants revealing a pubic mound of neatly cropped black hair, shaven into the shape of a swastika
"Well?", she said. "What are you waiting for?"
"It's not like a don't want to, Sally", I said hesitating. "It's just I'm feeling a bit kidderminstered. Give me a minute and I'll be ready to go"
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sat 23 Jan 2016, 6:57, 4 replies)

Having a Hitler
A mate once told me about some army guy he knew, there was something called 'having a Hitler'. Wanking in the shower while leaning up against the wall with an outstretched arm.
( --- ---, Fri 22 Jan 2016, 16:53, Reply)

lard-on
The feeling of arousal of a fat kid around cake.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 22 Jan 2016, 15:36, Reply)

Personally I'd like to have an official definition of "he'".

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 22 Jan 2016, 14:49, 2 replies)