18-30 cunts are cunts
when i was 18, a gang of 12 of us went to kavos for our post-a-level celebration holiday (NOT with 18-30). when we arrived, the girls checking out of our little block of apartments said grimly, "welcome to hell," which was nice. it was a truly terrible place, so they were right on the one hand, but on the other, if you're on your first trip abroad without parents, with loads of mates, and you don't have an awesome time... you're a nob.

but my god there were some disgusting sights. people facedown in the gutter asleep at 8am, people running into the sea to vomit (ok that one was my friend SJ), the greek burger flipper who stuck his finger up my friend's bumhole and then casually carried on flipping burgers without even licking his hand clean, the girl in the queue ahead of me for breakfast who looked down at herself and said, "shit there's spunk all over this dress"...

however, the worst was about 10 days into the holiday, when we were really beginning to feel it. we all had kavos throat and could barely speak, and some of us hadn't slept for about 3 days. we made a big effort to walk all the way down to a quieter part of the beach for a recovery day in the sunshine.

then i spied it: a big raft floating out in the sea, away from all the plebs. it was quite a swim (i'm not going to claim honda accord, but you had to be a good swimmer) so only 3 of us decided to try it. fuck, it was further than we thought. and the current was quite strong. eventually we made it, and hauled ourselves up onto it. jo had helpfully stuffed some suncream in her bikini, so we slathered ourselves in it, and lay in the baking sunshine on the gently rocking raft, blue water and blue sky everywhere. bliss. one by one, we gossiped ourselves into silence and slept. until we were awoken by a deafening blast:

SO SHE SAT ON MY FACE
AND I TRIED TO RELIEVE HER
BUT SHE STANK OF PLAICE
WITH A TAMPON UP HER BEAVER

(to the tune of "i'm a believer"). fucking 18-30 boat. it was moored right next to us. slowly, sadly, silently, we packed up our suncream and swam back to shore :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 20:05, 7 replies)

honda accords are shit at swimming

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 20:28, closed)

the syllables don't scan

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 20:35, closed)

the fourth line doesn't fit the tune at all

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 20:38, closed)

I think the fat girl is making this stuff up.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 23:07, closed)

^ has never had any mates to go on holiday with ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 23:13, closed)

Lacks the lyrical dexterity and social commentry of The Macc Lads

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 21:16, closed)

Do Do do do do DA DA DA DA dar dadadada - Eminem and D12

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 25 Apr 2014, 22:20, closed)