SAVED
A decade and several years ago, I was a student living in the geographical anus that is High Wycombe.

One cool August night, I was meandering home from the nearby confectionary store. It was a Thursday evening, about 9pm.

It was queerly quiet. No cars. No pedestrians. Few streetlights.

I spotted two gentlemen heading in my direction, and thought to myself, "these look like two dangerous fellows".

Then one of the chaps pulled a rather fetching scarf up over his face and I thought, "cripes".

"Mate, mate", says the more diminutive chap through his scarf...

The hulking beast behind him glowered and kept watch simultaneously.

"Mate, mate..."

I stammered something along the lines of "How may I be of assistance gentlemen?"

The chatty one put one hand on my shoulder and the other in his pocket.

My mind chose that moment to remind me of the recent spate of attacks on students. The vivid descriptions of bright young people being found beaten to a pulp in local car parks and and other unsavoury places.

"Jiminy," I thought, "I'm in a right old scrape here".

Once again, I inquired as to the mode of assistance I might be able to offer the two gentlemen, and suddenly the silent beast growled, "Give us twenty quid or you're fucked!".

Being a student, I didn't even have 20p, never mind twenty pounds sterling. I tried to barter, offering up all the contents of my pockets - my wallet, a lighter, some coppers, and a shiny telephone.

The diminutive ruffian seemed to contemplate my offer, turning the things over in his hand. Though I got the distinct impression he was considering where to injure me first, rather than which of my items he'd like to retain.

Suddenly, as if from nowhere, an impressively muscled gentleman appeared, wearing a dazzling helmet and some sort of lycra suit.

"What's going on here?" he demanded.

The scallywags seemed genuinely rattled by this heroic new presence. And doubly-so upon his pronouncement that he was an off-duty police officer.

Holy smokes, thought I, this beefy chap's just saved me from a rather brutal pummelling.

The ruffians threw my belongings to the ground. And the obscured gentlemen pulled down his nice scarf.

The off-duty police officer told me to go home, and stopping only to gather up my scant apparel, I did. As fast as my little legs could carry me.

The officer caught up to me just before I walked into my abode.

He told me he knew the perpetrators of my ordeal, and quite forcibly reminded me to inform the on-duty authorities. Which I did forthwith.

Many weeks later, I was called to the police station to identify one of the unredeemable cads. I did.

While there, I met others he'd victimised. Including a blind girl who he'd tied to a chair in her own home for two days, while he took her debit card to the nearest cash machine and sold all of her property (and that's all he did, thank God).

For what he did to that poor girl and his numerous other crimes, he was given just three months in jail. A pathetic punishment if you ask me.

Happily, he ended up doing five years for his attempted muggery on myself. Some sort of local crackdown on street crime, I later heard.

And that was my lucky escape.
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 13:18, 7 replies)

One should always know what to do, if apprehendend by an up-to-no-gooder on a dark night.
This short informal but informative film covers the basics.

self defense
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 13:49, closed)

That video contains content from BBC Worldwide.
As such, they've blocked it in my country.

My country being the UK.

The levels of irony here are legion.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 13:57, closed)

I've never clicked 'I like this' on a comment before
Until now.
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 13:58, closed)

That's mental.
Strange I can watch here in Americaland, where it's nearly impossible to watch BBC content online.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 14:07, closed)

Basic self defence...
is good for one-to-one, but multiple attackers is some next-level shit.
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 13:59, closed)

Unless that is
they're obeying the law of Conservation of Ninjutsu
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 18:02, closed)

I've never really dug around tvtropes before
Thanks for the link - I fear I may be lost in a long journey of discovery now.

:)
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 18:08, closed)