It's not you.........

It's me.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 23:18, 6 replies)

"Disappointed in".
It just doesn't make any sense. Sure you can be disappointed with someone or something, but being "disappointed in" it has too many non-figurative shades of meaning to be a good substitute. You might as well go the whole hog and use any arbitrary short word in its place, it would mean about as much. "Matthew, I've just been told your grades are atrocious. I'm disappointed of you." Also, as Flann O'Brien, a keen observer of linguistic absurdity, typed back in 1940-ish:

"I often wonder am I... mad? Do I take that rather Irish thing, O'Fence, too easily? I go into a house, for instance. My 'host' says 'sit down'. Now why down? Why must he be so cautious and explicit. Is there not a clear suggestion there that if he had neglected to be precise, he might turn round to find me seated on top of the bookcase, the head bent to avoid the ceiling and the air thick with fractured cobwebs? How equally stupid the phrase 'stand up!' And how mysterious the sit-down fight as opposed to the stand-up fight!"

I'm a real hit at parties by the way.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 22:39, 1 reply)

Hopefully
I am sick of small minded pedants who whine on about hopefully not being the adverbial form. What the hell is gained from pointless and smug constructions such as "it is to be hoped"? You don't mind using frankly do you? That just made the journey earlier so people are used to it.
(unclestinky, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 21:58, Reply)

These two really annoy me
Optimal incremental concept
Compatible digital contingency
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 21:50, 2 replies)

Tautology and using different words to say something twice.
PIN number. EMP pulse. VIN number.

No, just no.

And the less obvious ones. Free gift - where a gift means an item given without charge. Added bonus and over-exaggerate. Just stop and think about it.

I hate it when people use too many words to explain the same thing twice. And Tautology.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 21:46, 2 replies)

Let's make sure we're all singing from the same hymn sheet
Let's make sure this corkscrew is rusty before I shove it in your fucking eye.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 21:40, Reply)

Management Bullshit.... Like this shit-fest
"This solution opportunity guide explores how you can help your customers address their productivity challenges by giving their knowledge workers, and the IT personnel who support them, the tools they need to optimize productivity..."

Nggggg. Argh. My brain hurts. Something has to pay for this. Something must die...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 21:37, Reply)

i am going to show my age now
but smileys. i hate smileys. they enrage me. there are literally hundreds of thousands of words in the english language and countless words in many other languages that you can use to express yourself. if you are too cretinous to make your meaning clear, you should not be texting or emailing at all.

fuck i am a grumpy old bitch these days...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 21:02, 9 replies)

Every kind of undeseriable person being labelled as "cowards"
I am a coward. To me, cowardice is a sensible policy and keeps me from getting into trouble or killed.

If I see some drunk people looking for trouble, I turn around and briskly walk the other way, because I'm scared of them. If I ever felt like getting a gun and robbing a bank, I'd think of the consequences of being shot by armed police and wouldn't bother. If an army recruiter tried to get me to join the army, I'd say no because I'm terrified of being blown up by a roadside bomb.

I don't particularly like being told by politicians that my one of my main philosophies is also the main failing of terrorists, murderers and child abusers. As if taking pilots hostage on a crowded plane with a plastic knife is an act borne of timidity. And surely murdering someone in cold blood requires overcoming a fear of being attacked in self-defence, retribution or just being caught later. There's a word that describes overcoming fear; "courage". The very opposite of cowardice.

Fear, of course, is an essential biological response. It's helped us survive in the past. Let's not turn our backs on it. Frankly, we'd be much better off if more people were cowards.

I'd do something about it, but I don't really want to cause any trouble.
(Cuthbert Annihilator, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 20:50, 3 replies)

MIL
That little yellow picture of an engine is a MIL (Malfunction Indication Light)not a MIL light, that is tautolgy and you deserve to die!
(johnners hitting things with hammers until they work, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 20:15, 6 replies)

i might not stop if i get started so i'll try and keep this brief
products that are clearly aimed at women who advertise themselves with the words 'scrummy'. or other made up gibberish words.

i quite like smoothies. i dont like the feeling that im a target market.
(ladyintheradiator, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 19:40, 8 replies)

Aaaaand....
Cutton.
Wutton.
Ditton.
Shutton.

Instead of couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, shouldn't.

These words are uttered regularly on Eastenders. That shite has done more damage to the English language than anything I can remember. they've now got an 'I'm off inter tahn innit blud' character.
Must be something to do with drinking shandy all the time..

Edit : I could fill this entire fucking section with quotes from the aforementioned Eastenders character. I seriously want to beat him to death.

Think I need something stronger...
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 19:38, Reply)

im pretty sure there's a reason why this qotw has coincided with the general elections being called
i came home to find three girls on my doorstep. they handed me a leaflet.

"just to remind you to vote for green party"

this is no reflection on the party but ... remind me? is this clever trickery with words? or a show of confidence? whatever! its just so ... obvious that this phrase has been thought out by a group of people and that these girls had been instructed to say it if they bumped into occupants. so obvious in fact, that it irritated me.

opposite of intended affect?
(ladyintheradiator, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 19:31, 1 reply)

This one's almost certainly been done.
[adjective] much?

Smallville uses it all the time, which is one of the increasing number of things I find annoying about it.
( Pretender, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 19:13, 5 replies)

Being greeted with "What's up?"
No hello or anything. Just "What's up?".
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 18:54, 9 replies)

The Instrumentation Engineers
Got annoyed when I accused them of witchcraft due to the constant incantations of:

"Asibus, Profibus, Terminal server"

And I'd like to stick their GSD files up their collective arses.
(Yellow Car is now red, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 18:10, Reply)

I was going to
collect all the annoyances together and rearrange them into a parody of a certain Billy Joel song and go on to be triumphant. I made a list about a page long and got bored.

But if anyone else wants to run with it, they're welcome to.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:54, 5 replies)

One I heard today.
I'm sorry but using "granularity" in reference to anything other than sand - or possibly Bisto - is utterly silly.
(Big D, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:53, 4 replies)

Innit
Isn't it?

oh and also 'innit Blud'
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:23, 1 reply)

Announcement
I got to say to someone "it's not fucking rocket surgery is it?"

I was most pleased. Unfortunately I spoilt it by going on to describe someone as "not the smartest tool in the box"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:22, 3 replies)

Industry specific and very geeky
but it drives me tits

"RAN Network"

RAN is short for Radio Access Network - is there really a need to say network again, and capitalise it?
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:18, 1 reply)

Please do the needful
I appreciate this might make sense in some cases, although I personally fail to see where - it drives me insane, specifically because I used to see it in emails on a daily basis while going through the most ridiculous process to get paid. So, now I associate the phrase with pissing about, vanishing emails, cowboys and offshore IT firms.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:16, 2 replies)

The hanging 'so'
I've noticed this of people Mrs SLVA knows that she bumps into in shops (whilst I kick my feet, act bored and whine 'can we go now?').

Someone: "And such and such happened, and this was the situation, so...."

and leave it hanging. It's as if they get bored of what they were saying and then stick a 'so' on the end and expect the other person to fill in the conclusion themselves.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:14, 8 replies)

Just remembered another name flame.
Libtard. Usually an Americanism used by rednecks to describe anyone who didn't vote for McCain and therefore belongs in Abu Ghraib with all the other non-patriots and terryists.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:07, Reply)

I also object to 'basically'
If every episode with the new Dr Who uses the word 'basically' in a big line then I'm going to invent a time machine and start a sentence I can't think of a good finish for.
(teebie jeebie, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:07, 2 replies)

It's not a problem...
It's a challenge, right?

Wrong - it's now a Solution Opportunity!

FOR FUCKS SAKE IT IS A PROBLEM NOW LET ME DO MY JOB AND FIX IT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I DO FUCKFACE.
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 17:00, 5 replies)

etc. etc.
Just one is sufficient thank you.
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 16:59, 3 replies)

Juice Drink
Is it Juice? if so then it is a drink surely?
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 16:58, 7 replies)

Nouns get verbed people, get over it.
Here's a few of Bill's which you might regret the loss of
to cake (Timon of Athens, first attestation as a verb)
to champion (Macbeth; first attestation as a verb, and in an older sense of "to challenge"; though the noun was familiar as someone who would fight for another)
to comply (Othello)
to dislocate (King Lear, refers to anatomy)
to drug (Macbeth; first use as a verb)
to educate (Love's Labour's Lost)
to elbow (King Lear; first use as a verb)
to enmesh (Othello)
to ensnare (Othello)
to gossip (The Comedy of Errors; first use as a verb; "gossip" was one's familiar friends)
to humour (Love's Labour's Lost, first attestation as a verb)
to hurry (Comedy of Errors, first attestation as verb)
to impede (Macbeth, first use as verb, though "impediment" was already widely used)
to lapse (several, first attestation as a verb, though already familiar as a noun)
to launder (first use as a verb; "laundress" was in common use)

They probably all sounded strange to early modern ears but they bed in. Personally I'm not wild about "to action" but there it is. If they are useful they thrive if not they wither away
(unclestinky, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 16:58, 5 replies)