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This is a question Cheap Tat

OneEyedMonster remindes us about the crap you can buy in pound shops: "Batteries that lasted about an hour and then died. A screwdriver with a loose handle so I couldn't turn the damn screw, and a tape measure which wasn't at all accurate."

Similarly, my neighbour bought a lawnmower from Argos that was so cheap the wheels didn't go round, it sort of skidded over the grass whilst gently back-combing it.

What's the cheapest, most useless crap you've bought?

(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 7:26)
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Tesco value toaster
Unlike Penguin of death's, mine has been working perfectly well (reasonably well anyway) for over a year, but I do have one question about it. (And most other toasters in my experience)

The setting dial goes from 1 to about 6.
1 = Lightly toasted
2 = Medium brown / Well toasted
3 = Carbon - Sets off smoke alarms all over house


What the fuck are 4, 5 & 6 for???
Perhaps;
4 = Burn down your house?
5 = Cause a local blackout?
6 = Blow up the national grid?
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 13:25, closed)
I've always thought that about toasters.

(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:00, closed)
um.....
....don't the numbers denote the number of minutes the timer runs for before popping the toast up?

Although I agree, what in the hell you would need to "toast" for 6 minutes...a branding iron?
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:16, closed)
not that I would recomend anyone doing it now...
but as student I found that '6' was particularly good for doing potato waffles in half the time of a grill.

The collection of grease at the bottom where the crumbs collect did make the the thing a bit of a firetrap though
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:22, closed)
Ours...
..melted itself when set to somewhere between 2 and 3. I suspect that had we ever set it to 6, it would have melted its way down through the kitchen worktop.
And I've just discovered our current one has a defrost symbol next to the 6 setting. I have no idea what it's meant to defrost though, definitely not bread.
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:08, closed)
@ Penguin
The defrost button is purely for show. I never freeze bread, but I'v epressed that button several times and it makes precisely NO difference.

Incidentally, why doesn't bread fit in the bastard? I use regular size bread, I even tested tesco value bread (not to eat of course - just from curiosity) in case it was a brand compatibility thing. It only copes with small square slices, so I have to either cut an inch or so off the top of each slice or stop it half-way and flip the bread upside down.

I don't like toast enough to pay 30 for a fancy one though.
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:27, closed)
@ Greencloud
I regularly seem to be trying to toast frozen bread for some reason, and the button is entirely unnecessary. It can defrost and toast it set at 3.

And we found that our bread just fitted in if you pressed it down. You could say jammed it in actually. Only problem was that it didn't really pop out again, so you had to insert your fingers to get it out. And then you would discover it had melted plastic on it, and throw it straight in the bin.
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 17:31, closed)
I've never understood toaster settings either
Never need to go higher than half way.
I've always found the best way is to set it low, so it almost gets it right, then pop it back in even lower for about half that setting. Then, perfect toast.

I've definitely never understood why no bastard toasters are actually made to properly fit a slice of *bread* in them though...
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 19:56, closed)
Its because of the NAZIS !!
during the second world war the only way to reasonably get coal to London was by boat from Newcastle. By 1941 Hitlers u-boats were sinking so many coal ships that coal was in short supply. However bread being made in the surrounding home counties was plentiful. Therefore all toasters were overhauled as part of the war effort, so that blitzed Londoners could cook their bread into charcoal substitutes to stay warm.

After the war the older generation , still living with rationing and shortages would only buy toasters with settings high enough to make their own coal. This continued the practice of having too high settings on the toasters as it was now tradition. Meany social historians also believe that that toast-coal was the major cause of the failure of the miners strike in the 80's .

Toaster manufactures , in their cut throat world, are forced now to include extra numbers or risk loosing out on the lucrative pensioner/survivalist market as apparently these people really like toast.
(, Sat 5 Jan 2008, 13:41, closed)
Buy an American toaster
Those horrible pieces of shit Eurotoasters are crap! They toast the bread so slowly by the time the outside is browned, the whole slice is toasted through and then it sits there and gets cold before you can butter the damn thing. Argh!

We had a nasty fucking Nazi POS Krups toaster and even though it was fine I threw it through the window in a fit of pique. I like toast nice and hot and brown on the outside, warm and soft on the inside. Not like a cedar shake for God's sake! I could roof my house with German toast. Actually, my fave is burned-on-the-outside toast with melted peanut butter and a big glass of ice cold whole milk.


/issues with toast rant
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 7:11, closed)
Tesco Regular Toaster
I have no idea what makes it better than a Tesco Value one, but my mum bought me one for Christmas a few years ago.

When I was 15.

What the bloody hell does a 15 year old want with a toaster!? Cheeky bitch uses it much more than I do...

4,5 and 6 are a bit like the higher warp speeds on spacecraft. Technically, they can go that fast, but the "shields can't take it, cap'n!"
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 19:59, closed)
dualitt
im a posh bastard with a snazzy oldeworlde looking duallit, there are no numbers just a little black turny knob that you get used to, it is lovely.

then again 120 for a toaster that doesnt pop your toast up when its done, or bing or anything did seem rather steep, thank god for weddings i say

on the downside i also got given a dualitt blender which sucks balls, and not in a good way
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 16:28, closed)

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