My uncle
once drove from Iran back to the UK, some great stories but the one most appropriate to this qotw relates to the Iraqi border security.

-----------Wavy lines back to the 70s------------

My uncle and aunt have lived in Tehran for a couple of years and decide to move back to the UK, so most of their gear is shipped, he buys a brand new Merc and decides to drive back. All is going fine until they are driving through Iraq from Baghdad to the Turkish border. A load of traffic is coming back in the opposite direction, including some colonial Brit types. They manage to flag someone down to ask what is going on and find out that the border is closed and everyone is heading back to Baghdad. My uncle, having grown up in Iran and being more familiar with the way things are done, thinks he knows better so carries on for the border.

On arrival at the border crossing, it becomes clear that the border is indeed closed, so he sticks a load of dollars in their passports and calls over one of the border guards "I realise the situation here, and totally understand how difficult things are for you, but maybe you could take a look at our passports and see if you could let us through." The guard takes their passports off and returns to tell them that "Inshallah, your situation is clear, of course we can make an exception." Before driving off, my uncle opens the passport to have a look and sees that there is still some money left in there. He looks at the guard who simply replies "I'm only a Sergeant".

The bribe had apparently been more fitting to someone more senior, and it would have been totally unethical to take it all.
(cymrococh, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 8:57, 15 replies)

Iran? Turkey? Baghdad? Tehran? Iraq?
I didn't read your post but those al-quaeda words jumped out at me so I panicked and called the police.
(Andrew Avetoom, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 9:05, closed)

yeah, like they needed to be called what with the google analytics and what not.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 9:38, closed)

Love it!

( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 9:15, closed)

I have a friend who worked in turkey building yachts
Back when he was there the average national wage was around fuck all. He was earning 1k a week and so was a well off man out there. He basically did whatever the fuck he wanted because the police were so broke a bribe of the equivalent of about £15 was enough to get him of most minor offences. For example, pulled over for a driving offence. £15 to the copper who took his licence and sent him on his way, next day he bought yet another fake licence and carried on as normal.
( Peej, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 10:33, closed)

Why not give this tale it's own post.
I have a friend who works in the super yacht charter business and he also spent time overseeing a £50 million yacht build in Turkey. never asked him about corruption.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 10:40, closed)

I do hope you're all pronouncing yacht correctly.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 12:14, closed)

Ya, boat.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 13:36, closed)

Throatwarbler Mangrove.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 17:42, closed)

I don't want to be Mr McSpoilysport
but this is an old chestnut told by practically every colonial duffer and ex-army bore in the kingdom.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 11:11, closed)

You are Mr McSpoilysport AICMFP.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 4 Jul 2014, 11:31, closed)

I am and I love it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 13:38, closed)

cunt

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 13:36, closed)

I refer the honourable gentleman to the answer I gave some moments ago.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 13:38, closed)

That sir was in reference to you sir being a spoily mcspoilsport. Mine sir was a reminder to you that
you are a cunt. Separate items. Good day.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 13:52, closed)

Never met
a colonial duffer or ex-army bore, so no idea on that. My uncle's Iranian of Armenian descent.

He may also be full of shit like.
(cymrococh, Fri 4 Jul 2014, 13:42, closed)